Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
My wife does not understand me at all.
We went to the museum on Sunday. It was a flaming disaster because I counted on her to know when I was becoming overwhelmed.
At the beginning, she saw me hiding behind the rest of the meetup group, and she got me to come over to where she was standing, in the middle of the floor, then said "See, you're not hiding!"
I wish I had given in to the impulse to walk out at that point.
We went to the Chinese exhibit, and that was not so overloading...then she wanted to go to the paleontology exhibit...kids everywhere.
So when I started to freak out, I said "I need to get out of here." By that point I was dissociating. I was terrified.
And she said "Just let me get a few more pictures," and I was to terrified to find the exit...I started walking around in a daze looking for the exit myself, she eventually caught up to me and led me through the rest of the maze, slowly, oohing and ahhing, while I was just sort of stumbling around, not making much sense.
I shook for a good ten minutes when I got to the car.
....and it's not fair to her, it's not...but I feel like her cluelessness reaches to the point that she's not a help.
I mean that in so many ways. I went through all this memory retrieval, and she had no idea how much pain I was in. Similarly, I asked if she'd ever been too terrified to speak, and she said no.
She's done nothing to deserve me divorcing her. She tries. She cares. But I feel horribly alone in this marriage. I feel horribly alone trying to grapple with my stuff.
I try to communicate over and over and over. She doesn't understand so much.
I am so unhappy. I can't even entirely define why. I feel like I'm entirely on my own.
We went to the museum on Sunday. It was a flaming disaster because I counted on her to know when I was becoming overwhelmed.
At the beginning, she saw me hiding behind the rest of the meetup group, and she got me to come over to where she was standing, in the middle of the floor, then said "See, you're not hiding!"
I wish I had given in to the impulse to walk out at that point.
We went to the Chinese exhibit, and that was not so overloading...then she wanted to go to the paleontology exhibit...kids everywhere.
So when I started to freak out, I said "I need to get out of here." By that point I was dissociating. I was terrified.
And she said "Just let me get a few more pictures," and I was to terrified to find the exit...I started walking around in a daze looking for the exit myself, she eventually caught up to me and led me through the rest of the maze, slowly, oohing and ahhing, while I was just sort of stumbling around, not making much sense.
I shook for a good ten minutes when I got to the car.
....and it's not fair to her, it's not...but I feel like her cluelessness reaches to the point that she's not a help.
I mean that in so many ways. I went through all this memory retrieval, and she had no idea how much pain I was in. Similarly, I asked if she'd ever been too terrified to speak, and she said no.
She's done nothing to deserve me divorcing her. She tries. She cares. But I feel horribly alone in this marriage. I feel horribly alone trying to grapple with my stuff.
I try to communicate over and over and over. She doesn't understand so much.
I am so unhappy. I can't even entirely define why. I feel like I'm entirely on my own.
I feel like I'm having to fight this tsunami of fear and sadness in my head alone.
I feel horrible, helpless, abandoned. I wish I was dead. I wish I was dead.
There was a time I wanted to be dead because I had so wanted my partner to understand me and when I realized he never would, I felt my whole world was crumbling. I had promised myself I would never divorce. But the only way I could be happy - the only way I was going to be able to live and be myself - was to out of the marriage. It was brutally hard.
You deserve to be happy. If the only way for you to be happy is to divorce your wife, then you deserve to divorce her - it does not matter if she has "done nothing to deserve" divorce. You have tried over and over to talk to her and she does not hear you.
I hope you can break through her brick wall and she will finally understand what she can do to help you be happy.
Basically I have to tell her what to do, because she just does not know.
I think she's aspergers, so it's like she's learning-disabled in regards to emotional support, you know?
For years I wished I was dead; I even attempted suicide a few times. But here I am.
My therapy starts Monday, and I will be coming back here for support -- and to offer support, if I can. I can be present.
I am a mess.
I am sad that you feel so unhappy --- wish i could cheer you up somehow! sending smiles :-)
Like your wife, he is well meaning and wants to help me, but he has the emotional intelligence of a gnat and is not in touch with his own emotions either.
Sorry to laugh, but I am totally laughing at this...That's my wife! But, yanno, she really means well...
I'm actually trying to write an operator's manual for...myself!
My wife's a computer programmer. She will read the manual. Even those manuals that are fascinatingly mistranslated.
She's probably got asperger's. She just does not get people, she hears like a bat, is easily disturbed by noise, and can get overloaded with sensation fairly easily. She has trouble driving and talking, because for her, talking sucks down a lot of processing capacity.
It might be something to try for you too.