Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I've had a bad month since my therapist brought me back to my bedroom when I was a young child. I felt actually there and it was vivid. I didn't remember anything new, but I did experience body memories that were very intense. This triggered a strong reaction. The terror experienced by one of my child parts was triggered and I immediately switched to the self destructive part. It wasn't until the logical part and the shopping fairy were able to calm me down that I started feeling OK.
We identified the terrified child part as an exile, the self destructive part as a firefighter, the logical part and the shopping fairy as managers. Because the managers were not able to head things off the firefighter took charge. He acts to protect the terrified part from the feelings without considering the results. I know it sounds irrational, but that's the only way he knows to minimize the terror.
That's what happened with all my suicide attempts. The reasonable part and the logical parts were not able to help before the firefighter took over. The switch happens immediately.
We identified the terrified child part as an exile, the self destructive part as a firefighter, the logical part and the shopping fairy as managers. Because the managers were not able to head things off the firefighter took charge. He acts to protect the terrified part from the feelings without considering the results. I know it sounds irrational, but that's the only way he knows to minimize the terror.
That's what happened with all my suicide attempts. The reasonable part and the logical parts were not able to help before the firefighter took over. The switch happens immediately.
lately though the thing that has worked the most is affirmations/ mantras to block the images that lead to the self-destructive behaviors. the other day I started to flash to something from the past and I felt myself --- the word I keep thinking is strange, but here it is - swirling, it feels like swirling down a drain. anyway, I stopped everything I was doing or thinking and ran through my mantras. it worked!
thinking of you loum - I hope your month gets better. sending you some hugs. :-)
Thanks for your post. I found it helpful.
I'm still sitting with the DID-NOS dx I received last year. I just don't know whether to believe it or not. Yet, I know there is stuff that hasn't surfaced and I'm not even sure I want it to.
I know there is a part of me who lives in terror of "being seen," and so sabotages anything I try to accomplish that might put me in the limelight...this I find not only perplexing and self-limiting but depressing since I keep returning to the false belief that I have failed in life.
While my parts don't react with suicidal ideas, some part is determined to keep me in check--for safety's sake, I'm sure.
I wonder what I need to do to reach that terrified part.
Keep on keeping on I'm guessing, as I see you do.
xx
SuzA