I can relate. Sometimes it does become overwhelming, I just want to fall back to my self harming ways to avoid my feelings. Somehow I find the strength to not. I have found over the past year things that I can do that help me. They are running, going to the gym, journaling, and my one thing I do to space out, a video game for a little bit. I know you can feel your feelings. I feel it in my heart. I know it hurts, is terrifying, and all that much harder, try to remember that after we feel are feelings we feel better then if we were to harm ourselves. Love, light and big hug to you.

I wish I could give you an answer as I wish someone could give me an answer. I pushed my feeling into a box for so long and only let a tiny bit out at once. I've been working through this book that I had no business trying. I'm not qualified to deal with all the feelings it is pulling out of me and feel as though I'm losing my mind. I can't stop crying. I don't like being the victim again. How do I get the box closed on those feelings again? I was much more comfortable in denial and suppression. Does it get better?

I've been working on this off and on for a long time. My wife passed away in July witch triggered off a lot of things. The grief of her passing and new memories of the abuse. The sexual abuse memories are not as much of a shock this time as last time and I can spend more energy working on the feelings than trying to survive the shock and the depression of when I first started remembering. Feeling the intense sadness of my wife's passing is something I don't want to repress. I owe her memory that. But if I let myself feel that I have to let myself feel everything else also. I know what I need better this time and I have a therapist and a good support network. I have days that I feel needy, but nowhere as much as last time. It is a rollercoaster ride of feelings. I'm also trying to stop all my unhealthy ways of coping with emotions.

My feelings are still very closed up. I occasionally get a brief prick - which never used to happen - like suddenly getting a taste of Thai food after living on porrage. I long to be be able to cry my eyes out. I can feel this ocean of tears being kept back by a dam and the pressure is enormous, and not good for me.

I send hugs to you. It is safe to feel your feelings. No one is going to hurt you any more. Let your love for your wife flow - and let the force of that love wash other crap downstream and out to sea.

Thank you. I know the feeling of your feelings being blocked and feeling like they are going to explode.

I'm right there too. I understand the desire to eat. There's comfort but also it numbs the feelings. There's also a sense for me of thinking if I get fat I'll be repulsive and so assure myself that sexual things won't happen again. There is a tremendous amount of ambivalence because I want to be attractive and be alive out in the world and at the same time I want to hide in my walk in closet and never come out again. Ultimately I choose to remember because I feel the desire to honnor the little girl who was so deeply harmed. I do want to love her and help her heal. But even adult me finds the task pretty daunting. Peace.

Thank you. I want to feel and be alive with what time
I have left. I've always used food s my primary method of coping as I got older I found plenty of other things. Now I'm trying to let go of all my unhealthy methods and let myself feel and be alive. I expect to be in a lot of pain for awhile, but hopefully there will be some joy also. The support from this site has been wonderful. Sometimes I feel like I'm kicking and screaming, must be the inner child, but right now I believe I will be OK.

I believe you will be OK too. You just need to get through this, which you will.

Sounds like it is time for baby steps. I also can relate. When i first stepped out of denial i was in total overload with so many different emotions. I can only say how sorry i am for what you are going thru and I can tell you it does get better.

I know it's hard to find somewhere to put the feelings. I have just started remembering things and feel incredible anger. I've been eating nonstop and get triggered all the time. I'm having a really hard time trying to stop drinking. They say if you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got. Time for things to change.