Welcome to the group. I do not have much to say otherwise as my experience confronting my abusers who were my father and older siblings did not go well.

My sibling are still in denial and get very defensive and blame me for the abuse that they inflicted on me from age 0-17.
Yet they protect their 30something "children" for any irresponsible act and excuse them..

Abusive families will go to any length to deny the abuse. It takes searing vision to accept it and acknowledge it and want to not pass it on and understand it....very few have it.

The shame is not yours...but I really advise you to seek a therapist who has worked with abuse survivors before.

As for it being abuse, it seems to have harmed you.

Tusitalo, I am sorry for your pain and for the denial and blame your family has put you through. I seem to have blame placement problems.
Bluedragon41, Thank you, I do need to see a therapist. I'm just really scared and nervous to go forward with it. I just need to break through that wall.

I'm starting to think that we 'survivors' spend a lot of time carrying other people, who neither deserve nor need to be carried.

Humans are a species of great ape. Great apes occasionally rape, occasionally murder and occasionally commit cannibalism. They're not always very nice. Humans are no exception.

I think the worst thing I had to get over, or at least, what I thought was the worst, was the EMBARRASSMENT. Killing, killing embarrassment. Humiliation. Unbelievable embarrassment. Well, you've gotta ask: does that orang utan look embarrassed to you? And should the victim be the embarrassed one? I don't think so.

I felt embarrassed on some level because it exposed to my mother that I had had sex. At a time when I was supposed to be a virgin. Well: can your parents handle sex as an idea? I hope they can; they had at least 3 children. Okay so they can get over this. I no longer can be bothered feeling embarrassed. Let those who can't handle it learn to handle it: i'm not their mother.

So don't baby them. They can pull up their Dora panties and find a way to swallow this. Hopefully they've seen enough movies to know that these things happen.

I think what's more important is if your sister said sorry to her brothers; if they said sorry to you.

But I'm new here, and new to realising I have a problem, so my advice is probably worth squat. :)

First of all, Bridgie, the only bad part of your answer was when you discounted everything you'd said before and said it was worth "squat". On the contrary, it was a very good answer!

I think abuse survivors have an exaggerated sense of shame. Maybe because we were exposed to things too young, at a time when we knew it was wrong and it felt terribly wrong, so we are imprinted with that sense of something terribly wrong about it. It has also been suggested that the perpetrators being shameless, we somehow take on the shame of their actions in their place.

There is no doubt that what you experienced was abuse. You were the last recipient in a chain of abuse. There was no element of innocence or exploration in what happened to you: a wounded child acted out on other children, who in turn acted out on you. How could it be innocent exploration when you were not an equal participant, but rather the one being acted out upon?

The fact that the people around you have not respected your boundaries in terms of sharing about what happened is a cruel perpetuation of abuse. Once again, your boundaries are not respected and your feelings are not taken into account.

I add my voice to those urging you to go for therapy. You need not jump right in with an account of what happened to you. You have a right to disclose this when and if you want to, not on someone else's timetable. If the therapist doesn't respect your boundaries and presses you, find someone else to work with. It's about time someone honored your right to have your feelings and boundaries respected.

Welcome
totally different circumstances but with my family, they wanted to continue living the lie(that wonderful family) while I was trying to heal. I had to walk away from them in order to continue to save myself. It was painful but I have no regrets. I'm not saying this is what you need to do, just merely how I came to terms and dealt with those issues myself.
As for hubby and I'm hoping he's a good man. Males we tend to be the "protectors" of our families and hearing what you went through probably sent him into that protector role and he may have wanted answers. It's possible he may have said something out of anger as a protector would. A betrayal, yes, yet if he is a good man, that intent wasn't there and his anger may have got the best of his judgement, angry because the one he loves is hurting.
When my wife found out (she's a very strong woman who could probably scare the shit out of fear itself, at times lol, so true though), she was ready to demand some answers from my family. It took me around 4 hours to get her back off and leave it alone, that's how upset she was over hearing my story.
Whether hubby said something or not is just my speculation. I'm just sharing this since I know how incredibly hard this issue is on those around us. Just something to consider.
Therapy, well worth and yes It's very hard to start. My finally attempt in this healing (3rd) took me 7 tries just to dial the dang number. Getting to group I was attending for the first time, I turned around 3 times and headed home. Only got there because I would have ran out of gas if I turned around for the fourth time. Some of the best things I've done for myself in life have often started with some very fear filled steps, yet looking back, well worth it.
Keep pluggin and come here to lean on us here as much as needed, my best to you,
Blaine

@ Birdgie101 in regards to your last sentence. Never deny your voice. As survivors we are very critical with ourselves, we've "trained" that way. Told those many lies. Those lies that we wouldn't amount to nothing, those lies that no one will listen since we have nothing good to say, those lies that we are unworthy and the list continues. Yet in speaking our truths as we understand them, may in fact reach someone that no one else can (yes there are days when we can't even spit out a sentence,or have nothing nice to say, but that's normal for everyone).
Our words have the potential to become a miracle in helping someone in life. I'm very confident that everyone here as well as yourself has a heartful of miracles waiting to be shared with our own words. So once again never deny you voice...

It is definitely abuse hut I think you knew that before you got here or you wouldn't even have asked us. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
I went through abuse with my father and brother and my brother was 4 years older than me so he knew better on one level but on another I know he was abused also so that makes it harder. I still had to be angry at him for myself even though I have not shown him anger. He needs some serious help as an adult cause he threatens me even though we don't speak which is his choice not mine. In his mind I'm the one who has done all the wrong for talking about it all.
It will get easier for sure also like WB said your husband may or may not have said something. You may just he uncomfortable in your own self right now. I would simply ask him if he did. Good luck and Welcome