No one has the right to touch or "dry hump" or in any way do something to you. You were violated. Emotionally. You have the right to be here. Tom

I am struggling with the same issue..my ''brother'' only touched me, rubbed me..asked me did I want some stranger to show me how.." but he didn't rape me. I feel the same as you about not sure I have the right to say much. BUT someone on here posted back to me that I did..and I asked the detective on ''his'' case right now..what touching someone's (the girl he's accused of taking indecent liberties with ) butt was..she said...a felony.

THEY make us feel this way I think..and we dont help it much by treating what we went through or are going through as anything less than wrong.

You aren't being stupid..if we start thinking that way again..it'll take root and they win again!

so, what happened to me..it is incest..right?

It surely is, sister.

I think about this all the time. I've been both raped and molested, and in many ways the molestation was worse than the rape. The molester is the one I became the most afraid of.

Incest is tough because you are forced into secrecy and confused. Your instincts will say "protect your family member" even though your family member needs mega help.

You are not alone. Rape is traumatic, so is incest.

I find the secrecy and the guilt and shame and fear to be way worse than the events that took place.

What happened to you was incest and it was against the law. I find it good to remind myself of that when I start to question myself.

okay, thank you.
sometimes i try to deprive myself the right to be angry.
is there anyone else who has this conflict?

yepper. my uncle abused me. he had been in a horrible accident years before he raped me. he had to relearn everything over again, how to walk, how to read and write. goodness, it took him a long time to get better. anyway, after i started trying to come to terms with what happened to me, i tried to blame it all on him being a little off and having struggled with drug addiction as being the cause of him hurting me. the facts are that he knew right and wrong, i was only making excuses for him. i think when we love the person who abuses us, we don't want to face the knowledge that they purposely caused us pain. i wanted to blame myself for not fighting him. not telling. i still feel like i should have done SOMETHING, but it is too late and i can't change what happened. so i just have to keep moving forward.

Never try to compare what YOU are feeling and why by what the rest of us have experienced, metalhead! You have experienced something that was done to you and was WRONG. No less wrong and no less painful than what has happened to the rest of us here. Wrong is wrong and this affected you and your life no less than molestation and rape affected mine. You are very welcome here and have every right to be angry! It was incest, it was molestation and it was wrong. And Samadian is right, the molestation can leave worse trauma behind it than an actual rape.
May you find help, support and encouragement here. You are welcome here, always.

OH, I totally have that conflict.

It's so easy for me to see how it's abuse in your case. I can see it clearly. My own situation? Not so much.

My brother molested me repeatedly (incessantly), and a chain of people added to this abuse - strangers, a doctor and my psychologist to name a few. I doubted I was a victim of incest, although I knew I was a victim of some sort. Effects of the trauma still occasionally surface. When I told my husband I was joining 'Survivors' here, he questioned whether I belonged in an incest group. Looks like everyone but me wants to keep this secret. As pointed out above, it's worth noting that incidents that I survived are felonies if perpetrated upon another person. The fact that it was a family member makes it all the worse for me. Recovery takes some time.

Yes it was incest and it was horrible. Minimizing your experience is another way of coping with how awful it all was. but it won't help you get better. For me it tends to be more in the form of denial because I repressed all the memories, but its the same idea.
And I am so thankful to you for starting this group!

aww your welcome lilacs<3

I don't beleive in comparing traumas. Trauma is trauma. Each of us have our own "story". It is how each of us as individuals experience/experienced that "story" that is meaningful. It's not helpful for me to compare my "story" with yours or anyone elses here. I am here to relate, understand, and identify with others in a healthy, helpful way

Life has too may variables to even try to make anykind of comparison. For example, two people could have the same experience and one is tramatized and the other is not. Or, at least they think they are/were not tramatized. As my therapist often says, "welcome to yourself". And, I say, welcome.

I feel the same way but for different reasons I don't remember the rape or molesting and know so little about details(sister told me but won't tell me what happened in any detail)so I almost feel like it never really did. I don't know how to feel about it all, should I be angry, feel any blame for going along, not telling? It makes no sense to me in my head, mostly I just feel a sense of great loss and anger at these pedaphiles and freaks that put there sick ways above a young childs wellbeing, .

Interesting my brother did the same thing. Yes, IT affects how we feel and trust our feelings. Tonight this is my first time visiting this site. I am physically sick. because I know I have to grieve. IT seems I am not able to. My mother was sexually in appropriate with me when I was 13-16. I did not have my voice then. I go to alanon, as I grew up in an alcoholic home. Someone said at meeting once, I grew up learning the wrong kind of service. Ugh that was me serving my mother sick needs, my brothers and my fathers. Ugh. You know writing this helps. I realize how wonderful it is that I recognize it. Other people are not to serve me even if healthy needs. I have to learn new ways of being in relationship. Thanks for reading