Impotence & Erectile Dysfunction Support Group

Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardless of the capability of ejaculation. There are various underlying causes, such as diabetes, many of which are medically reversible. The causes may be physiological or psychological.

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Loving someone with ED

sadgirlbehindblueeyes
sadgirlbehindblueeyes

Hi. I’m new here. I guess I’m trying to find advice on loving a man with ED. I’m a 36year old woman dating a 43year old man. He takes Viagra, but it is only sometimes effective and he has struggled with some side effects lately. We’ve been together a year and a half and I’m madly in love with him. I feel us growing apart the less and less we have sex and I just don’t know what to do. We seem to be trapped in that cycle where he is less and less interested (for fear of failure) and I am more and more hurt (for feeling unattractive, unwanted and unable to talk about it.) We recently tried to talk about it and it seems to have only made things more difficult for both of us. So if I don’t know how to help or even who to talk to, what do I do? He just told me in a conversation that he masterbated today and was able to cum. Even when we are able to have sex he doesn’t ejaculate with me. How do I not feel hurt by that? Please, any advice is welcome.

Emptyshell49
Emptyshell49
Hello Sadgirl. ED is one of those things that effects both partners. A man with ED never knows if or when he will ejaculate or lose his erection. This is the most discouraging thing to experience. I had ED before I had cancer, but I tried my darndest to make my wife cum. I know she was disappointed sometimes and it has nothing to do with him not thinking you’re attractive. It is a physical problem. Encouraging him and letting him know you still care about him may help him feel a little better about himself. It will help you too. I am 70 and have ED permanently because I had prostate cancer and nerves were cut making me impotent after my prostate was removed. First of all, your friend should see a urologist and have a serous discussion about his problem. You should go too because his problem is affecting you both. There are three things he can do that will help him. The first two will affect you too, because it takes away the spontaneity. A urologist can prescribe a pump with bands that will allow him to be erect for 30 minutes before it has to be removed to prevent penile damage. He will stay erect and still have an orgasm. The second option is penile injections. The urologist would prescribe a medication that your friend would inject into his penis. In 5 to 15 minutes he will have a full erection that can last from 30 minutes to 2 hours and allow him to ejaculate. (Plenty of time for some good foreplay and a good love making session). The third option, which I consider a last resort, is a penile Implant. Because it would take to long to explain, there are YouTube videos explaining the surgical procedure and show how it works. He could keep his erect penis up for as long as he wants.
I hope this will help. I know it’s discouraging for you both, but there is help out there. Good luck to you and you boyfriend!
e_monster
e_monster
sadgirl:

I don't think the ED problem is about you. Guys wrestle with their own internal demons that cause them stress and disorder. Little of it is likely due to you personally, although it may seem otherwise.

My advice: Give him space. Don't pressure. Don't demand.