Please forgive me for intruding on your group. I did wind up coming across one of your posts here... then did read on to see a bit more. 

My late husband did also suffer fromED. Initially all was good as we did not have alot of sex, but when we did...Viagra... then Cialis did work pretty well. We were only married about 5 years when he did get an infection and it was suggested he get circumcised. (Just to say shows how little I know. I had only been with 2 others before him... both were circumcised, he was not. This was not something I really knew or cared about. ) 

He had the procedure. The first time after he said it was a bit uncomfortable. Said it did not hurt, but was tight. (I always thought that was what guys did like... but what do I know?) After that he just never really bothered. 

This same time I had been getting braver and was chatting online with many others I was brought up to be ashamed of my body and felt guilty for even thinking about sex or men. After sharing and speaking to others, I was finally getting past all the shame and guilt and hangups . I came to understand that I too am human... and allowed to have wants and needs. I bought a toy or two, some lingerie and continued to chat. 

He completely shut down both emotionally and physically and was perfectly content just going day to day going through the motions and wanted me to do the same. I tried for awhile, but for me it was no way to live... with absolutely nothing to look forward to. I did not really care if I lived another day. From others I would find the strength , support and hope to keep on... and to do as I wanted.  Many times he would walk in on me and the toys and just roll his eyes and say "OH God not again"  and it wasn't even that often. He was just trying to shame me into stopping... but not anymore. 

We stayed married for another 12 years. Unfortunately it was with almost no communication, affection, physical touch of any kind, any help with anything.  I was basically a cook, housekeeper, nurse  and roommate. I would continue but the anger and resentment did build. (eventually in him as well.)  I had filed for divorce twice, actually was proceding before he past. In hindsight, I am glad I was here with him and he was not alone before he passed.

I can remember a time when he said he would check with the dr . If it came to him losing me when there was a simple fix he would do that. He did ask the dr but did not like what he said. He told him if he lost some weight, that would make things easier. So that did nothing. Then there was a time when he again came out while I was playing. I stopped, He said maybe he should help me out. I knew it was just a joke and was more embarassed and still ashamed. He continued to carry on his conversation while I waited to do what I wanted.  There would be another instance much later where he pulled this again. This time I continued and asked if he was coming to help. He just looked, laughed and disappeared into the bedroom. 

There is something about when your spouse will not touch you or barely looks at you. You get nothing but a forced occasional peck (Most of these were now at his request after the divorce was again refiled) I was feeling very lonely, unlovable and about as attractive as a garden slug... and far from sexy. I imagine that may be how you may feel when cut off . It is almost like our SO was looking for a reason to explain their lack of intimacy or need for touch... and they think we should feel the same.

In chatting wth so many, I was amazed to learn that many do like to use toys together and on each other. I was also surprised to learn that not just women do crave intimacy and affection... and touch. (And not all women do... works both ways) 

While I do understand your concern of having to have the talk... I do wonder. If you do find someone special who does truly care , I am thinking if you do want the touching, fondling, kissing.... wondering if you do still want to do that to a woman? Granted there are some who may have a need for some well hung humongously endowed bronco. I am here to tell you MANY are not. I am not sure how it does work for you all? If you would still enjoy being fondled, teased with a playful lick and a nice long hard suck  or whether that would be frustrating or not enjoyable. But if it would , if you find a sexy caring compassionate soul I think you could have it. 

I also know that for me watching his face and looking into his eyes is quite a turn on.( To see exactly what you are doing to and for each other ) I do say I am a poor deprived soul who has missed out on so much in my life. I have finally realized there is far more to life and a reason I am still here and I am moving forward to get them. I have no clue if two people enjoying each other could be enough without an erection for you. (or if circumstances could occasionally surprise you and lead to one) This may be too painful for you to share with a woman knowing that with toys you could get her there but you could not. Forgive me, but I don't know how it works. 

I am embarassed to say that in my 59 years I have never had the big O. I'm thinking antidepressants may be a part of my problem, but have come a long way in overcoming shame, guilt and lots of hang ups. As I result I do come so incredibly close... just can't quite get over that edge. For me I do have a very good time trying to get there. I do wonder if this could not be the same for you? 

Hang in there. You would be surprised what we can come up with when faced with a challenge,

Kim

PS TMI is no longer an issue with me. In case you wonder... In my circumstances , I can get very wet, just have never been able to actually cum. (Have squirted a few times.)  Pretty sad but actually achieving a full blown big O is on my endless bucket list. 

I did blow a fuse one night out in the living room. He was shut in the bedroom watching football. I fried my wand. (I have been hard on the toys lol) Electric stayed on out here, but he comes yelling saying wth did I do?  I could not help but chuckle (til I discovered I killed my toy.  very big frown)