Impotence & Erectile Dysfunction Support Group
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardless of the capability of ejaculation. There are various underlying causes, such as diabetes, many of which are medically reversible. The causes may be physiological or psychological.
Hi, I'm 41, and have been disabled for 11 years. I don't really know where to start with my health problems, I don't know what order things happened. I'll just start here, I have fibromyalgia, raynauds, essential tremors, chronic fatigue, osteoporosis, osteopinna with about 45% bone loss, spondylathesis (my back is broke) surgery is not an option due to the bone loss, and degenerative disk disease. Between the spondy, and the disk problem I have some major nerve damage, I am also bipolar with major depressive disorder, and PTSD. Between the nerve damage, the pain issue, the bad circulation and the meds, my ED is so bad that the docs said that the meds would not help.
One thing is my spondy is at the L5-S1 joint, which is where the spine meets the hip bone. Any position I get in for sex, puts pressure on that break, which does two things, first the pain is so intense that I can't see straight, at times bad enough to make me throw up, there is no way it's going to stay up with that kind of pain. Then it causes the bones to slip, adding more pressure on the nerves, which again kills it.
The problem came on slowly, to a point, then it just jumped several levels. It went from us being able to function if we were careful, to not being able to even get 40-50% erection. Most of the time, it did not even move. When that happened my wife could not understand why I could not longer get an erection. She felt that I was either having an affair, or I just did not find her attractive at all. For about a year and a half, things were extremely delicate, because her feelings were hurt. I finally got her to go and talk to the doc with me. Once he explained it to her, she believed it.
I feel that my manhood had been ripped from me, I feel like half a man, but that is not the worst part of it, I can deal with those feelings. What I can't deal with is that it is just not fair to my wife, she has to suffer because of me. There are other things that can be done, and that worked for a while, but now my hands and arms cramp so bad, I'm not even able to do that. It is just not fair to her. That is the part the really hurts. I'm not worried about me, but not being able to meet her needs, I can't stand that part.
How do you deal with that part? Is there anything you have learned that helps you handle your disappointment in not meeting her needs?
One thing is my spondy is at the L5-S1 joint, which is where the spine meets the hip bone. Any position I get in for sex, puts pressure on that break, which does two things, first the pain is so intense that I can't see straight, at times bad enough to make me throw up, there is no way it's going to stay up with that kind of pain. Then it causes the bones to slip, adding more pressure on the nerves, which again kills it.
The problem came on slowly, to a point, then it just jumped several levels. It went from us being able to function if we were careful, to not being able to even get 40-50% erection. Most of the time, it did not even move. When that happened my wife could not understand why I could not longer get an erection. She felt that I was either having an affair, or I just did not find her attractive at all. For about a year and a half, things were extremely delicate, because her feelings were hurt. I finally got her to go and talk to the doc with me. Once he explained it to her, she believed it.
I feel that my manhood had been ripped from me, I feel like half a man, but that is not the worst part of it, I can deal with those feelings. What I can't deal with is that it is just not fair to my wife, she has to suffer because of me. There are other things that can be done, and that worked for a while, but now my hands and arms cramp so bad, I'm not even able to do that. It is just not fair to her. That is the part the really hurts. I'm not worried about me, but not being able to meet her needs, I can't stand that part.
How do you deal with that part? Is there anything you have learned that helps you handle your disappointment in not meeting her needs?
stillalone
I can relate to the chronic pain and the mobility issues and as well as the E.D. My suggestion is an implant. You can get erections whenever you want them and you both should be able to enjoy it. If you are American, to the best of my knowledge it is an expensive operation. However if you are Canadian and from Ontario at least the government pays for it in the health care no charge. Good luck and all the best to you . Look into the implant surgery though and there is a lot on information online or ask your doctor.
rk4262
Stillalone, thank you so much for the idea, I will need to check it out. However my biggest problem is that my back is broke, where the spine attaches to the hip bone. Every position we have tried, results in my spine slipping and pinching a nerve. Which my legs go completely numb, and so weak they can not hold me. I end up laid up in bed for 3-5 days, for about 30 seconds of fun.
deleted_user
Wow rk...that's pretty rough. There's nothing I can say that will help except that perhaps some counseling could help you deal with this. You have some major adjustments and concessions to make when it comes to sex. Talk with your wife alot. Make sure she knows how you feel about all this and that you know how she feels. Open communication lines all the time. Also, I can't speak for your wife but there has to be a way for people to deal with little or no sex and still be happy. There are other men here with the issue, there are single women who DON'T date that much so I have to believe many women out there can be happy without sex simply because so many DONT get it on a regular basis. Hang in there and get lots of support. Wish I could help more.
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