Hello, I am going to try explain my story and hopefully people out there can help give me some advice!

So, This year has been a nightmare for multiple reasons! It started off on a bad note and got continuously worse and worse (well Xmas was nice!). With a stressful finish to my college degree I was burnt out and resorted to adderall to cram through my dissertation. After I finished the degree I continued to use them as a crutch for anxiety that I was feeling, my self esteem was crashing with each new stress point throughout the year.. Before I knew it I was using it for masturbation binges.. Needless to say it was a lot of time spent enjoying myself.. Maybe a celebration to myself. I know that doesn't sound good and I am trying to move past that phase and burst into the new year on a better note!... :D

However, I noticed that as a result of the excessive use of amphetamines I noticed that over the last couple of weeks, when I am sober, it is getting more and more difficult to get hard. Normally I would have a 4.75" flaccid and ~8" erect penis. I know, I would say I never really heard complaints from other women but actually I am a shy person and I only slept with one girl.

That was my first girlfriend and actually I noticed towards the end of our relationship I was getting performance anxiety because she started learning properly how to squeeze me properly. I never knew that was a 'thing' but being caught off guard I came pretty quick in maybe 5 minutes (before I could last for as long as I wanted). She was shocked that I came quickly for once lol, but over the next month we had sex maybe 10 more times. She kept using the new technique and I had more and more trouble lasting, I think I was under 1 minute during our last time, but I could go again and came twice. This was the first time I was worried about the idea of losing control over my dick. She was competitive and loved to tease so nervousness to "perform" did not help me to stay rock hard and last as long. However it was still loving sex and she genuinely was happy that I was cumming like that, since she was finally the one forcing me to cum rather than the other way around.

Unfortunately she had to move country for a job opportunity (she was finished her degree half a year earlier!).. Because of events that happened at the time I was feeling self conscious and we fought quite a bit, which I feel terrible about. We tried long distance before and it was HARD. This seemed like a portent of things to come to her I guess, so she broke up with me. I was devestated and lost, my life felt like a shell. Combine that with family problems and you get the point. -> lack of motivation -> Adderall -> and here we are.

Here I am, and with my confidence I began losing my control again, except unlike last time it seems far worse. I feel like I spoiled myself with the masturbation and adderall. When I'm on it, often my dick would be a lot smaller, I am usually 4.75" flaccid as I said so I guess there's a lot of room to manouvre. On it the smallest I measured was 3.25" so far. The time before that I was able to get an orgasm easier and could manage to get erect at points, that smallest was maybe 3.75", but last time was strange. I think I had too much and I couldn't get hard at all, I looked quite wrinkled and squished, it was a bizarre feeling, I still masturbated hard, it felt good and I could edge but I didn't grow at all and if I managed to I would simply shrink within seconds of pausing. On the adderall I could cum multiple times while in this soft state. My problem now is that since I am trying to be sober; My libido is practically nonexistant for the last 2 days and I have little desire to masturbate, what's worse is I feel guilty for what I have been doing, I am still struggling to get hard. I know the drug is still flushing from my system because I'm still not back to normal flaccid size yet, roughly 4" I guess currently. 

Sorry for the long explaination and I hope I got the gist of it. But honestly, reading up on it it seems that these things happen to everyone at some point in their lives.

I am 25 so a bit pissed off that it is happening to me right now. I'm looking for a job and I want to feel confident in my abilities haha.

I am eating well as I can, plenty of fruit and vegetables now. I have a decently athletic physique, though I am 70kg at 6 foot tall, I am going to begin exercising hard again too. My sleep pattern has been a little erratic the last 2 days but I am concerned because I haven't noticed any morning erections these last two days. I know that is something to look out for, I don't know what it means though. :)

A final thing to note is that I have had 1 testicle since I was a child, due to an accident.. Does anyone know how or if this is a possible factor or if it may become one going forward. I would like to put this embarrassing ordeal behind me because in the discussions created by female partners they do not sound too happy, lol. :D