I've been severely anxious for months now - the worst I've ever been. Maybe it was the nearly cold-turkey stopping of Lexapro (escitalopram) back in July. Whatever prompted this increase - it's been so bad my usual talk therapy and journaling hasn't made a dent in it. Because both usually end up focusing on my rationalizing why the anxiety is warranted.
My main hang-up - heart attack.
So I have occasional palpitations. An EKG showed nothing. An echo in February nothing. A Holter for 24 hours. Nothing. But ... I have minor twinges of pain in my left breast area/left shoulder blade area. And my pulse can be 55 or 95 (on my phone ... so using the camera? yeh accurate my backside...). But since Go Red for Women stresses how women present very differently when having a heart attack - I'm convinced I'm building up to a massive heart attack. It's going to happen. Any. Day. Any. Second. It's absolutely terrifying. At my parents' house I take my BP constantly. Sure, it's usually about 130/85 the first time. Then I sit for 10 minutes and it's 120/74. My pulse usually hovers around 65 on that monitor. And my tests are good. But nope. Dr. Google says I'm showing all the signs of heart attack. Nevermind I walked 6.5 miles around NYC recently. Or that I hiked two miles up a mountain and climbed a 60-foot water tower. NO ... I'm in heart failure. I'm going to drop dead.
I can't keep functioning at this level of anxiety. I emailed my doctor's office and I've been waiting ALLL day for a response. I told them the health anxiety is ridiculously out of control and I don't think I can wait until my physical in April to deal with it. I need something to change NOW. I used to break vicious cycles with Ativan/lorazepam. Lemme have that? Something? It's interfering with work. My life. My ability to care for my kids (single parent, so all alone there).
I do have real medical issues. I have vascular stents (so increased risk of blot clots). They don't scare me. I have migraines. Increased risk of stroke from medications. That doesn't scare me. This seemingly uncalled for fear of heart attack. Scares me. I also have pseudotumor cerebri. Doesn't scare me.
So WHY the intense insane fear of heart attack? I don't know.
I just need it to stop.
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