Hi all -- I have been suffering for far too long and have always been a fly on the wall on various anxiety forums. It's time I get real with myself and confront what I am facing in order to give myself a chance to get better. I'm a 30 year old female. I have been suffering from panic disorder since I was 10 years old. Over the years with the invention of google I have spent countless hours searching symptoms relentlessly spirling my mind into the worst possible places. I have diagnosed myself with nearly every horrible life-altering illness at some point in my life. I have a long list of doctors and specialists that I have seen. I am on here to prove to myself that what I am facing is a result of extreme anxiety. I suffer from very real physical manifestations. Today my symptoms are that I have a weird fullness feeling in my eye and a general feeling of derealization that sent me onto google and then into researching strokes. I cannot do this any longer. I cannot spend my time, the hours upon hours that I can sit in front of my computer diagnosing myself and then trying to find evidence that I don't have some terrible disease. It is out of control. I have frustrated many of my loved ones with this compulsion and I need to change. I am here looking for support from a group of people who are like me. Because no one that I know has this problem and it feels very lonely. The funny thing is that I want to live so badly that I turn to google to try to find out what is going on, only to turn around and waste so much time on the internet and spend so much time worrying that I am dying that I'm not even enjoying the beautiful life I have. Is there help? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel from this? What the heck do I need to do to get better? Help, please!!
something new is occurring and I’m not sure how to discribe it. The only thing that comes to mind is that the now is bending into moments of the past and than bending back to the now. It is not a flashback the way I am used to having them. Its like I will be in the now and having a conversation with someone and out of the blue without a trigger the moment will bend for a moment and I will see...
I need to wake up tomorrow, make a French Vanilla, make a huge list, and CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN! I have a huge goal in mind and have to achieve it by March 21st! That’s one month tomorrow! :o