I am no stranger to health anxiety, and have been in good health my entire life (up to now) and am about to turn 60. I hope this is not too long a story to tell here....

I have had issues with an irrational fear of illness from early adulthood (around age 26).  The first time it hit, I was under a great deal of stress, so I went to do one of my favorite relaxing pastimes-shopping alone.  As I walked around an overheated crowded mall, I suddenly began to feel faint...something I had never before experienced. When I approached the service desk to ask if they had a first aid station, they called an ambulance and I was whisked away to the ER.  Everything checked out fine, and they concluded it was low blood sugar, the heat, etc.  Of course, the worry over the experience (what is it lurking that they didn't they find?)  made my symptoms reoccur the next day....and sent me on a journey from one doc to another for tests.  Blood sugar (hypoglycemia)-negative; blood levels-perfect; etc. etc. etc. but the racing heart and feeling of being unwell continued.  Finally, I was sent to a cardiologist who said that I might have an infection of the heart muscle, and IF the symptoms reoccurred to go to the ER.  So, OF COURSE, the symptoms reoccurred.....and after MANY heart tests....they found that NOTHING was wrong. 

I finally went to my parents "old-tyme" doc who listened to my tale, handed me a paper bag and explained what hyperventilation was.  The next time the symptoms hit, I breathed into that bag and oila!  Like magic.  Well, that was all it took for me to believe that the symptoms were anxiety and nothing more. 

SO, I did a bunch of reading....understood the phenemena...and my health anxiety went into remission. 

THEN, my dad died suddenly (heart attack at age 71) and mom  began to get ill.  Since I was her ONLY caregiver, I was (at age 31) responsible for steering a year-long journey trying to get the right diagnosis and watching her rapid decline with a disease for which there was no treatment.  (Another story in itself) At one point, they thought that she might have had the inheritable form of the disease, and (of course) I felt panic at that, but they then concluded it was NOT the inheritable form.  At that time, my grief over my mom's illness overshadowed any reaction I had regarding my own health future, but those thoughts were planted in my anxiety and would arise later.  

Shortly after her death, I went on a trip to a spa for a week of relaxation, and they did blood work as a part of the fitness eval.  They did not have a doctor interpret the results.  I just recieved a read-out of the levels....and saw that my iron was "high" which sent off alarms for me since hemochromotosis was one the things that they thought my mother might have had (she actually did NOT).  However, in my obsessive brain, this meant that I had it...and would be dying a slow and painful death as I had just witnessed my mother do.  The week I spent at the spa was touture for me, and  became just one of many future episodes when I have allowed this damn anxiety to rob me of pleasure, worrying about something that never came to pass.  (Subsequent blood work ruled out ANYTHING being wrong). 

I will spare you the details of the multiple times when I have been convinced I had one disease or another over the last twenty-five years since my iron episode.  For me, it is NOT the symptoms of anxiety that kicks off one of my episodes, it is usually a test result (a bad PAP, a redo of a mamography, a mild symptom easily explained as something non-fatal) that leads me to conclude the WORST possible outcome, until I get results that assure me that all is well.  THEN, off the anxiety goes into remission again.

Unlike some of you, my health anxiety no longer has me running to the doctor to check out my fears.  Now, it has progressed to the point where I want to AVOID doctors for fear what will be said.  

About five years ago (around menopause), I started a new career and was under a lot of stress...staying very busy and had my adrenelin flowing constantly.  I had to run into a walk-in clinic for a sinus infection and, when they checked my blood pressure, it was high. SO, that became the focus of my next obsession.  Now, ANY time anyone checks my blood pressure, it is high because I get into such a panic.  Long story here, but after being put on meds that made me SO tired and dragging, we discovered that I in fact DO NOT have high blood pressure, I have what they call "White Coat Syndrome."  My doc has me monitor my pressure at home, and bring the meter along to my visit to compare readings in her office and from home.  This fear of checking my pressure has become so generalized now that I cannot even get a normal reading at the grocery store...AND if I go to long without checking it at home, I must desensitize myself my calming down to get back to a normal reading at home.    

Currently, I am dealing with my latest fear that I have something dreadfully wrong with my liver.  At my last couple of appointments, one of my liver enzymes was 1 to 3 points over normal limits.  (The others were all normal)  The doc did not even mention it until I asked.  She said something about me having a "sensitive" liver and that was that.  I had no symptoms, so I really did not worry so much about it, until I recently started having symptoms of acid indigestion (heart burn and mild naseau).  I have decided that I must have liver disease, and am deperately trying to find something that will assure me that I do not.   I am trying to decide whether I want to make an appoinment to see the doc NOW, or just wait until my check up in August.  I think that i am afraid that she will send me for an endoscope, something I fear due to having to be put "under" and for what they might find. 

I recognize how irritational this all has been, and I am embarrassed that I cannot control this.  I am sharing my story, hoping it might help someone to know that there are others dealing with this burden.