I am 28 years old and I have suffered from hypochondriasis for as long as I can remember. I feel as though no one treats hypochondriasis as a real mental disorder. I hear people all the time joke "Oh, I am a hypochondraic" and I can't help but to think to myself, do you really know what it is like to truly be a hipochondriac? This literally takes up 90% of my mental capacity during each day that my anxiety is at its peak. When I was growing up I had no idea what was wrong with me, why I was always afraid of having a disease. I though it was a state of mind that I would grow out of. I have my good days and my bad days, but even on the good days my health is still the first thing on my mind. My worst fear is developing cancer. I fear doctors though I do keep up with my annual appointments. During the times I am due for my checkups I sometimes need to take a sick day off of work because I am so depressed that I know this time the doctor will call me with some bad news. I recently had my annual visit with my dermatologist, he usually finds weird moles on me that turn out to be abnormal but never cancer. He reassures me that there is nothing to worry about, though it has been 2 months and I am already going back because I have checked 2 moles so obsessively, thinking he somehow did not look at them hard enough, that my constant checking has caused them to change appearance. Deep down I think I know I cause these problems for myself, though I need reassurance. I just want him to take them off so I can just stop staring at myself in the mirror for hours on end trying to reassure myself that I am ok. This is another issue, the OCD, the constant checking my body each day for symptoms to the point where I make myself sore, fueling my anxiety even more. I do not know how I would make it without my husband's support. He is the only other person who knows the extent of this issue and he is the real MVP for dealing with me! Recently it was really bad while I was pregnant with my first baby. All of the blood tests and ultrasounds that I went through were pure toture when they should have been pure happiness. Since, I have had my baby and this is the happiest time in my life though I get depressed because these irrational thoughts I have about my health get in the way of the wonderful life I have with my husband and now my new daughter. I find that my anxiety gets worse at the best moments in my life, it really sucks! MY gerneral practitioner sent me to a therapist after I had made so many visits for checkups. This did not really help me, most of the questions were trying to see if there was something wrong with my childhood. This is not the case, I had a perfect childhood. I do not think this anxiety is an onset of any traumatic event in my life, I believe it is just something that I was born with and need to live with. I was on Citalopram and Buspiron, though when I found out I was pregnant I stopped taking them and am still off because I am breastfeeding so now I have been off for a little over a year. Now that I have a better understanding of what this is, I feel better knowing that it is a real mental disorder and that I am not alone. There is so much more I want to say but I think this is enough for one night!