HPV Support Group
Human papillomavirus is a diverse group of DNA-based viruses that infect the skin and mucous membranes of humans. More than 100 different human papillomavirus (HPV) types have been characterized. Some HPV types cause benign skin warts, or papillomas, for which the virus family is named. HPVs associated with the development of such "common warts" are transmitted...
Hello,
I'm an almost 42 year old woman that has been divorced almost 2 years and married for almost 17 before that. I've had different cramping and intermintent issues for years but my old GYN always said there was no need to test for HPV since previous Paps came back normal and HPV could come and go anyway. Well, my new doctor said that I should have been tested for HPV with my routine Paps since I was 30 and a few days ago, my Pap came back abnormal and I'm HPV positive. I have a biopsy scheduled in a few weeks and had a couple of ultrasounds done a couple of days ago that I'm waiting on the results.
I have had a few partners before I was married and since my divorce, but I found out a couple years before the split that my ex had numerous relations with both male and female prostitutes during a split 20 years ago and before we were married (not to mention his exgirlfriend was a stripper and whoever else he slept with). This is not to pass judgment on the people, he's been with, merely to note that his past was full of risky sexual behaviour that I wasn't fully aware of until late in our marriage.
I know there's no way to tell when I contracted HPV, but wondering if I should tell him? The marriage wasn't healthy but we've forged some sort of reluctant understanding and have 2 young kids together. Part of me wants to tell him because I'm emotional mess right now, also because I'm uncertain what the results will be and think I should give a heads up with the kids and all. I'm also pissed because it could be him that I contracted it from, but scared if I tell him he's going to say things about anyone I may have been with in the past 2 years, not that he knows much. I still continue to have moderate female issues and just feel really scared and alone at the moment. Does anyone have any good advice to offer?
The benefit to telling them would be if they would change their life styles to be healthier people and change their sexual behaviors as to not pass it on to others. Their future intimate partners and your future intimate partners need to know the real risks and dangers of being intimate with an HPV infected person BEFORE they make the decision to do so.
Many men think HPV is a "woman problem" because many men dont see any symptoms or signs of HPV but that is obviously not true men can and do get HPV related cancers and genital warts caused by HPV. Men can and do infect others with HPV so HPV is BOTH a man and woman problem!
There is no real way to know who you got your HPV from since HPV is FOREVER and can be inactive in your body for decades! It could have been the first guy you had sex with that gave you HPV, the last guy you had sex with or any guy in between.
This is partly why HPV is so prevalent - people dont know they have it or dont know the facts or simply dont care if they pass it on to others. HPV can cause serious and sometimes even DEADLY consequences. I have had substantial physical, emotional, and financial pain and suffering caused by HPV and I would never want to be the cause of someone else having to suffer because I failed to inform them that I have HPV and gave HPV to them.
I am a strong believer in the moral obligation to inform. I know it is difficult but you will have the satisfaction of knowing you did the right thing and are not responsible for the future suffering of others.
I did end up telling my ex husband yesterday, as I believe he is in a relationship at the moment. I told him that it was his choice to tell his partners, but while it was harmless in some, it had the potential to cause cervical cancer and other health issues in others. There was no way to know who it would effect.
His response was that he was sure that I'd be okay and he wasn't worried about it. I at least feel that I've done my part to inform him and hope that he'll think about it and let his partner(s) know.
I did tell my last partner too, as I was diagnosed when we were still together. He was very supportive of me and I feel absolutely awful that I passed this on to him. I really wish that my doctor would've tested me annually when I turned 30, so I may have had an idea before I entered any other relationships. (though I know it's not a guarantee she would've caught it then) Regarding the couple of other men that I've had relationships with since my divorce, I have no way to contact them and am unsure how to proceed with that at this time.
I was 18 the last time I had sex with anyone other than my ex husband, other than the few relationships I've recently had and don't live in the same state as any of them and haven't seen them for over 20 years, so I'm afraid there is no way to get in touch with them either.
I think all of this was a huge and unfortunately dangerous lesson from me. I always thought that at 40 I was smarter than my 18 year old self and while I practiced safe sex, I was also reckless after my divorce. Unlike most of the women on here, I can't say that I was monogamous at least the past couple of years and I hope that I have the opportunity help others with the lessons I'm sure I'll continue to learn over this life changing experience.
I wish you all the best and thank you so much again for taking the time to help me.
I work with young women in their 20s and they are so misinformed and do not know the facts of HPV. They think condoms will fully protect them from HPV (FALSE) They think they are "safe" from HPV because they just have oral sex (FALSE) They think they are protected from ever getting any strain of HPV because they had the vaccine (FALSE) They think HPV will "go away" or that it's "gone" (FALSE) They think they are safe because they dont hook up that often or have a steady boyfriend (FALSE)
I'm really glad to hear that you helped pass on facts to your ex-husband. Passing on knowledge of HPV will hopefully lead to fewer people getting infected with HPV or at least people can make the choice to be mindful that they have it and focus on strengthening their immunity and do what they can do to help minimize the damage of HPV in their lives.