Three years ago I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life. I just started dating this amazing guy, my career had a direct path, I had my own apartment, and I felt unstoppable. I month into dating my boyfriend I noticed sores down there. I thought it was from just having sex a lot. So I told him and he said no big deal, let's rest and you will feel better. Well, I did just that but it continued to get worse. I did what most people do. Spend a long time "Googling" symptoms and self diagnosing. The pain go so bad that he made me go in to the doctor. Turns out I had herpes-1.

I was devastated. I told him right away but was terrified that he would leave me. I spent the next few days crying and he stayed by my side the entire time. To this day he has never shown any signs of herpes.

Fast forward 3 years later and I am still dating the same guy. Still have an amazing job but now have a house with him along with a cat and a dog and are talking about marriage and family in the future. But I found a bump down there. Different from a herpes outbreak (which I have not had in over a year *knock on wood*) I picked at it thinking it was nothing but it came back, picked at it again but it came back. I started googling again what it could be and old memories of that horrible time came flooding back. Please not again! I can't handle another one. I struggle daily with depression over having herpes.. I can't have another!

I worked up the courage to tell him but it took me a week to do so. He could tell something was up and I could no longer keep it secret. I instantly started crying and apologizing because I had no idea I had it or where it came from. He took my hands and said "Is that all? Do you realize how many people have it and don't even know it?" I told him I had done plenty of research but I did not think he would take it so well. I should have known though. He is so caring and loving. I set up an appointment which was set up for 3 weeks after that and during the whole time he prepared me for hearing the bad news but letting me know that he would still be by my side. Odds were he had it too. Whether I gave it to him or he gave it to me. Or we could have both had it.

Today I went in to get it checked out and sure enough it was a genital wart. "Lovely." I thought. Both Herpes and HPV. I'm such a prize. Why would he want me now? I was always so good and so careful. How could this happen? I go over in my head who could have given these to me? Was it my boyfriend and he has never shown signs or someone previously? It's driving me crazy but I know it is something that I will never find out.

I'm feeling a little lost. I have this constant fear that he will leave and I will have to try to date and have to tell someone that I not only have one but TWO stds.. I fear being alone the rest of my life. I fear complications with children. I read stories on people that have only had sex with their spouse and ended up with an std. I know I am not alone but I do feel so alone. The only person I have ever told is my boyfriend. No one else but I wonder if they have something too. Today at the doctor it sounded like someone else telling her that I had herpes and was afraid that I had HPV too. I can't help but feel ashamed and embarrassed to say it out loud. I was never that girl.. and now I am that girl.

He just came home as I was typing this and I told him how the visit went and he just gave me a big hug, said stop crying, and he said "who cares, I'm not leaving."

So that's my story so far. Let me know if anyone has any advice or words of encouragement. It would be greatly appreciated.