I think I'm more the exception than the rule, but my first serious friendship took place after 6 1/2 years. I dated a couple of times after two years, but those encounters were just a pleasant dinner with a new friend. They were blind dates arranged by well-meaning friends who thought they had a perfect match and assumed that I needed to meet them. I was not ready for dating which became very apparent to me. I appreciated my friends' concerns, but it was too early for me to enter the dating arena. Each of us has a different timeline for that, so please understand that I am not suggesting a specific amount of time for anyone. I knew when I was ready, and when that encounter arrived there was no inner struggle whatsoever.

You're right, that part of the 'loss journey' was more difficult than I ever could imagine. I shed many tears after those first two dates, and that's what convinced me that I wasn't ready. I met my husband at age 14 and married at age 17. I was 59 when he had an heart attack and left my world without any goodbyes. Our world shifts in a nano second after loss, and everything takes on a new look. The most simple thing brings us to indecision and uncertainty. You'll know the right time with the right person. With each encounter, there is always something to learn. Blessings to you. You'll figure it out. TJ

I've tried. My heart hasn't been in it. The guys weren't right for me. I am learning. I realize that it's early on. 2 years. But I am a learner by nature. Check something out from every perspective before I fully engage. And that's where I'm at. No serious relationship yet. I still reflect back to the past too much. Yet, my heart is learning my limits and what I want.

Russ, you are singing my song.
I've just passed the two year mark and had assumed that I would be in a serious relationship myself by now. I've dated some, but none of those lasted more than a few weeks. For me too, the emotions were sometimes very fierce, and challenging to handle.
Conversations with mature and understanding friends, and great advice here, has led me to understand that I needed to take more time to heal first, to develop friendships, before I could have those romantic dreams fulfilled.
I met a sister widow at one of my son's events yesterday; her late husband told her to remarry - which she did, about 2 years after he died. Talking to her yesterday, I got the sense from her that she worried she may have moved too fast.
So take your time. If you meet someone you care about, take time for it to develop, don't rush. It's good advice I recieved that I'm going to try and follow.
Sending big hugs, Jac

I started dating at 2.5 years. I was in a relationship for six months and it didn't work out. I'm learning about myself so I'm not sure if I really need to be in a relationship to be happy.

Antonella

I was nearly 58 when Tim died. I started a friends with benefits relationship with someone only a couple of months later due to the fact that I need physical contact. It was way too soon and when it ended 10 months later I was back to square one. At 14 months I met a man whose last living relative had just died. He had never married and had no children. Eleven months after we met we married. I was 60. He was 67. The good thing is that we were both able to grieve together for several years to come. He for his brother and me for my husband of 38+ years. The bad news is that getting adjusted to each other is chocked full of drama and problems. We have to overlook a lot of things, and work out the critical issues. When I feel ready to throw in the towel I remember that it actually took YEARS and years for Tim and I to have a relatively smooth marriage. And to give credit where it is due, my "New" husband is quite willing to put forth effort on this relationship. And again, he has no children or family to complicate things.
In retrospect it would have been much more preferable if Bill & I would not have met until I was past the 3 year mark. And more stable. But we met sooner And I don't regret getting married again.
That's just me. You are you, and need to care of yourself on your own timetable.
Dianne

I met a gentleman on the internet @15 months after Tim passed. We became good friends, we can talk for hours. Yes we do have differences, but in reality so did Tim and I. I mean Tim was a hunter I did not hunt so It's okay that we have different hobbies.
Physically he is nothing like Tim, which I like because then there is no comparison. He has a good heart like Tim and that I like to.
I don't know if this will go further than it has so for, but I would love for it to.
Hugs, Sandi

I met my new husband on the internet. Bill had been gone for 2.5 years and I was going crazy so I was window shopping on Craigs List and saw that some guy said a rude remark about women and cows, it ticked me off so I answered telling him so and 2 weeks later I received an apology. We emailed for almost a year before we discovered we lived in the same area and decided we should meet. I would have never given him a second look but after corresponding so long we had become friends and we discovered we were raised the same, had most of the same interests. He was a full blown cowman-I had some working knowledge but spent my married life as a legal secretary to my Bill. He was divorced but single 8 years & we decided life was too short to be alone & married. Now 5 years later I am thankful. It was has been a huge adjustment and struggle for me learning to deal with ex wife and other children and the silence of a cowboy but we are doing good and I am thankful. I dated two other times before I met Chris & didn't enjoy either time so was settled that I would be a widow forever. God had other ideas!!! Don't expect anything and someone will come along. The most important thing I have discovered that our hearts can love more than one person and survive!!! Jumping too quick can cause all kinds of issues... I have had several friends that did that and have divorced. Bless your journey

I met a friend after 3 years, but it was not more than a friendship for either of us. It was a great help to both our healing from loss. A year later I met the man of my dreams and began a new life with him, so I was 4 years before beginning a new life. I need to state that these 4 years were a valuable time where I began to know who I am and that I could be happy with me. Sharon

Russ I give you credit for trying. Like you I am at 2 years but still very much involved in the rebuilding process of trying to figure out who I am. I know I am not ready for a relationship yet but remain open to the idea in the future. I will let my heart tell me when its time just like I did when I met my wife.

I started my current relationship about two years after my husbands death. We were friends for a year before we started dating and finally realized the reason we were going to events and activities with friends was to see each other. Caveat: started out entirely as a friendship, developed into something more over time. We have been together now for two years. The baggage seems to match up pretty well and we are happy together. However, there is not the planning and building of a life that you have with your first marriage. It is more of an integration of two lives and we are taking our time.

My main goal through the grieving process was not to meet someone new but to be comfortable with myself and happy with my life, no matter how it turned out.

Russ, good luck on this. I have been out a couple of times, but nothing interesting. It is difficult meeting people in my rural area so may have to resort to a different online site. I am currently drifting along, kind of in limbo. I have adjusted to living alone, don't love it but have adjusted. I am just past two years. Our journey continues...

I'm also approaching 2 years (April). I've been in a relationship with a fantastic woman that I met just after the 1 year mark. Wasn't expecting it to happen that soon but it did.

I started a relationship with someone after 2 years. We went in, saying we weren't going to say "I love you", after 3 years, I starting asking where were we going? Were we ever going to be together? We saw each other once or twice a week. He lived an hour away, with his own business and volunteering for AA at least 3 times a week. So, he decided he didn't want forever, that he was holding me back from finding someone and broke it off in July. I've been on the dating sites, went on a few dates, but no connection. I want to be in love again, and won't just settle. Might wind up alone, but that's the way it has to be.

Paula

I started on match.com on a little over a year after my husband died. I went out with a few men, all nice but not a match. Started dating another man that was not from match. Very nice, same religion as us, funny, great with my granddaughters, BUT lazy, drank too much, lived like a very poor person. He had his own business but didn't work much. I really liked him but I couldn't live with someone like him. I am ambitious, work hard, live a modest lifestyle. After a year, I broke up with him. He wants me back, he'll change.......... We remained friends with benefits but could date others - if either of us found someone else we would tell each other. I joined match again and started dating someone I really like. He struggles with remaining my friend and I understand. It has been 5 years since my husband died.

I tried too early, got taken advantage of and may never try again at serious. I don't think I could trust anyone enough anymore. I'm over three years in and the life I've struggled to rebuild will be protected to the nth degree. I had one great and beautiful love and that may need to be enough for this life. Blessings to you Russ.
Jean