Well my friends Dad had a new girlfriend at his wife's funeral, too soon? YES!! But his family gave him a pass saying he must be so lonely (you know, it had been a week). I beleive the standard for men is different than women. If I had a boyfriend at my husband's service do you think anyone would have responded with "she must be lonely"?
When I hit the 2 1/2 year mark I was asked out by an old boyfriend. I went because he was familiar and that experience did get me back out into the dating world, unfortunately I haven't found much to get excited about out there, so I'm pretty content being alone. If you leap too early you may make some terrible mistakes, but the loneliness drives us back out amongst the living, hoping to fill that void which our loss has created. Lori

I have been alone now for 18 months. In my heart, still not ready. It is all so personal in our grief journey... Just hard to be alone without that special love in your life. So for now, will keep moving forward and try to heal. I don't feel you can rush into a new relationship if your heart still needs mending.

I started dating four months after too. I wouldn't necessarily say it was a mistake....I felt like I was doing what my wife wanted me to do. In her case, she had been sick for two years and we had the talk regarding if she doesn't make it...etc. Even though that initial relationship I had after my wife's passing fell apart....I have no regrets about it. I honestly believe if I didn't find that with someone I'd be in a very dark place right now. As of now I'm currently dating someone and expecting a child and, I'm genuinely in love with this woman. There is no time frame. I know a woman who's husband died in a fire and she ended up with his brother weeks after his passing. It sounds bad to some.....but he was there to comfort here and be there for here for support. They've been together for nearly 22 years. So, it's really a case by case thing. I'm moving forward and specifically,I'm moving forward because my wife wanted me to. We can all say it.....grieving or not, it sucks to be alone. I understand finding one's self, developing equanimity, a balance, etc.... And the dangers of grieving through someone, but having a person there for you is vital to making it through. I suppose for me everything is different because even though there is no possible way to do it.....I made an attempt to prepare for my wife's death and talked to her about things. One of the very last things she said to me before she ended up on life support was that she wanted me to be happy no mater how long it took. There is no time limit.

It's all internal. I think for me, I was in shock. One minute I had my husband, our present and our future, the next minute, he had a massive heart attack and was dead. It took me time to absorb my new reality. And honestly, time to figure out who I was without my husband. I moved on and started dating when I wasn't looking for a carbon copy or my old life back. I found someone who loves me for me, including my past, and understands that I will always love him and I will always love my husband. I think when you are ready you know.

Hugs,
Val

PS: Yoshi81, welcome to group!

My husband strongly encouraged me to get out there and date after ... I tried dating from about 8 months - 24 months after his death. Then I realized I just wasn't through mourning and stopped dating. I needed time to truly accept his death without distracting myself and focus on becoming emotionally stronger and healthier. It's been 5 ½ years since his death and only in the past few months have I considered re-entering the dating arena.

I think everyones time frame is different and there is no magical length of time. Listen to your heart.