I am pretty much a non-conformist so I think everyone has their own timeline on moving forward and there is no magic number. Whatever feels good in your heart, your mind, your gut, is right for you. The people "out there" shouldn't control our lives. JMHO of course. Darlene

The magic number given by grief counselors is one year. I think it works, the early stages of grief are very emotionally draining, major changes should be put off until you feel better, that is, when you are at a point where you are not consumed by grief. My husband and I were planning a major renovation, I waited two years until I felt ready to pursue the goals. I was also greatly challenged because I have three young children to look after.

Antonella

My time limit was 2 years. Not a time line I set but that seemed when I was ready to not sit in my grief anymore. I have widow friends who took several more years, so it is definitely a personal heart decision.

My time limit was 2 years. Not a time line I set but that seemed when I was ready to not sit in my grief anymore. I have widow friends who took several more years, so it is definitely a personal heart decision. Bonnie

There is no magic number of years or even months as it differs for all of us. The thing to be cautious of is if you are looking for a replacement for your spouse, it won't happen. They can't be replaced. If you think finding someone will bring you happiness, that won't happen either. You need to find your place of happiness yourself before you can share it with someone else.

This loss will never go away, but you can learn to live with it and find happiness on your own. For me, that happiness in discovering myself as an individual was enhanced with finding a partner to spend the rest of my life with.

For me it was 18 months. I have talked to some widowers, that we're ready to date at just a few months. I also went to a Griefshare class, that had a man in it, that had married 6 months after his wife died. He divorced 2 years later, and was in the class because he felt he hadn't grieved for his wife. I really think you have to get through your grief first. It shouldn't be someone's job to make you happy again. It took me a long time to be happy with myself. It takes someone understanding of your pain too. But, when all is said and done, only you will really know when you are ready.

Paula

I was wondering the same thing . I feel that I have to be comfortable alone before I can be happy with anyone else. I don't want to need anyone and I can't make anyone happy unless I'm happy with myself. Also I have to face the fact that there may not be anyone else and I have to be happy with that too. I'm just rambling.....Good luck to you.

when you are doing it for the right reasons and not as a bandage on your pain, then you know the right time has come.

I started dating four months after...it was a mistake. I definitely was not ready, just achingly lonely. Now, 2.5 years on, I do feel more "ready", but I'm not so certain I'm truly interested. Gerry222, who has become a good friend, said today that he noticed a positive change in me on that front: I'm much more relaxed about it all.
I don't think there's a magic number. And no one can tell you when you are ready or not. I know widowers who moved forward very quickly, others who are still on their own after several years. Like Paula, I met a widower who married within the year of his wife passing, was divorcing 3 years later...so was grieving the loss of both marriages.
Take your time...find friends and focus on self care. I've had that advice and truly believe it's good advice.

There really is no magic number...

If you want to go by statistics, yes..Widowers seem to "move on" sooner than Widows..much of what i have read online about this "phenomena" suggests that us men are looking to "fix" whats now broken in our lives, or that we are "babies that cannot be alone"

I've even read "Deep down, most women feel that men on their own are needier than women in similar circumstances: emotionally needier, sexually needier and in greater need of conjugal support in bringing up a family. " (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/3655111/The-world-is-full-of-remarried-men....html)

Whatever the reason... Does it really matter?

All of us were married..I'm sure we all experienced good times and bad times... if we feel ready to try and invite someone into our lives again, I don't think there is a time limit, as long as we are sensible and careful. We can honor, treasure and love our pasts..But we don't have to live in it.

Loving again does not mean that the love for our late spouse goes away. Loving again does not dishonor or disrespect the person who is no longer here, nor does it disrespect the memory of that person.

And it doesn't mean we are not grieving "right"

It just means you are taking another step forward, slowly, steadily, into the next chapter of your life

As others have said here no magic number exists. It was 18 months for me and I took it very slow. Looking back I probably wasn't really ready but have not regrets. The person I started dating I am still dating today. It will be 5 yrs. in Nov. and the pain is still and always will be here. I think it differs depending on your circumstances as well. If you have small children, I would be extra cautious about introducing someone to them until you are certain of them. Actually I had grown children and it was equally as hard. They are only now starting to realize that we are committed to each other. As hard as it is don't let anyone tell you when, what , and how to grieve. You will not be able to please everybody, or maybe even anybody. I found that it is their being uncomfortable that makes it difficult for them and really has nothing to do with you. They don't know how to handle it so they just would like you to kind of hide away and mourn in quiet. I do agree that it is important to not look for a replacement or someone to make you happy , you have to do that yourself. I don't think we are meant to be alone however. I feel like this, I fulfilled my commitment to my vows far more than a lot of people I know and am very proud and cherish our memories. I also know that I had a life before my husband, a wonderful life with him, and I believe there is a happy fulfilled, albeit different kind of life after him. Best of luck to you!

There isn't a magic number. I started dating soon after my husband passed. I was young and cute. It wasn't hard for me to find dates. Blonde, tiny and vulnerable seems to reek with "pay attention to me". I don't regret it. I had to learn how to date again after 40. I had to find myself. I remember telling one of my dates that I wanted my old life back. He abruptly advised me that "I couldn't have it." The man I'm engaged to now, puts his arm around me and says "I understand." Part of me becoming me was deciding what I wanted. I found him. It's been 2 1/2 years. I feel solid.

I think when you know who you are now alone, what you choose to value and keep secure. Any relationship has compromises, but if they compliment each others? Then explore. But if any part is just wanting to fill the gap and a note of comparisons? take your time, you deserve the right one. This loss has changed us all, we are not even the same as we were before we lost our spouse. The grieving has taught us a new kind of pain and loss. The marriage didn't end due to lack of love for us. We know what that looks like, feels like.

Good advice from all. Look for a singles group in your area. It would help pass time. They usually have activities.They dine out in a group, have gatherings at members' homes, etc. Just a suggestion. It would be a start. Good Luck.

It’s probably when you WANT to meet someone. I have no desire now, at six months, so it probably means I’m not ready. I’m getting used to having the whole house to myself and doing whatever I want to do...even nothing. I’m getting used to my independence, which may spoil me for ever wanting another partner... When I want to “get out there”, I will!