Hello Friend,

It will be 12 years of loss in July for me. Even though I am remarried to a wonderful guy, there will never be a time that my husband of 42 years will not be missed or, on occassion, shed gentle tears of love over his absence. I was a different person when we married; we grew up together during those years, we parented children together, and we learned about commitment and love together. Because of those years, I became who I am now. The "me" I became is who my current husband married, thus beginning a whole new journey in life. Missing my beloved husband does not; however, keep me from loving the great fella with whom I've been given a second chance. I, too, love the post about two hearts. What excellent insight into the mystery of love. Take care, Sharon. I remain grateful for all the sweet friends I met on DS during such a hurtful time. TJ

I haven't been online here for some time. After my husband's suicide in 10/11/2012 I pretty much just completely lost it. I never returned to my workplace after that day, and it was day to day. When I first was on this group and attending my suicide group there were two things most of us, and particularly me, would say. Welcome to the group you never wanted to belong to, also it will never get better, but it will be different and you will survive. I recognize some of your names from years ago. I actually had to stop coming here as I felt that I wasn't improving, my depth of anger and pain was further increased every time I would come here and talk with "newbies" and try to help others. It was too much. I actually in attending my suicide support group close to home was unable to even talk to any of them for 3 months, I simply could not believe where my life was and where my life had gone. I had a dear friend (she was my husband's best friend wife), she and her husband became my lifeline. She was incredibly distraught as well with my husband's suicide, she attended the support group, and she was who would talk and she would try to help me, it was a godsend. I found myself on 12/31/13, a year plus after the suicide, deciding that I had to leave the house that we had shared for 22 years and I had found him in the basement dead. I was not getting better, I was just cycling over and over in pain. I sold the house and moved to the mountains, where I live now. As I type, I feel myself just so sad once more. That was the greatest thing for me when he died, he had showed no sadness or depression until about 10 days before he killed himself. I was overwhelmed with the idea that he would be that sad, ever, be that sad at any time to kill himself. He was a joy to everyone, especially to me, my whole life. Today, I am still in the mountains, I am by myself, I will never have anyone in my life ever again. The idea that I could be that far off point to not see a suicide coming is overwhelming to me. I am a smart human being, we were planning on retirement, things would be good as we grew older. Our first plan at retirement was to travel, even though he traveled (many trips international), I had never joined him, I worked locally. I have since his death taken two of our "bucket list" trips. First I went to New Zealand and Australia, then the first of this year I went to Africa. Yes, I wished he was with me. Yes, I wished my house wasn't so quiet every day when you will only hear the meows of cats and me shuffling around. Yes, I would love to have the financial security of having his retirement or pension. But it is what it is. And I am actually back at the place where when I started out I thought I would NEVER be. Things are different, it is not what I thought my life would be, but I survived. The other, yes, I belong to a group that no one wants to be part of, but I am. Hope this helps someone. This site helped me when I immediately felt myself in crisis. It is a good place for you to come and share, my apologies that this is a group you would not join by choice. Be well.

Sharon, I also am not familiar with this new website. If I have posted in the wrong place please just delete it. I am usually directed immediately to the suicide family and friends area, but not sure where your post came from. Thank you. V

Hi Sharon,
Wow, it's so good to come back to see if anyone is still here on DS from my old group. I am coming back to share that Craig and I got married on May 27th. We just got back from our honeymoon. It has been 8 years since Denny died. I will always miss Denny. That said, I am so lucky and blessed to have found Craig and to be able and open to love again. Craig and I met online on Plenty of Fish. We lived only 50 mins from each other and immediately hit it off four years after I lost Denny. It took me a long time to get to this place that I am and to where we are. Feeling blessed. Love and hugs to all of my old DS friends.

With my first husband our life together was cut short too fast and I will always wonder what could or may have been I have never stopped loving him....it will never leave or stop.

I am with someone who I met 4 years after becoming a widow. He brings me joy, but the loss remains.