After 4 years , I miss those moments each and everyday. Not with pain but I still miss them. No I have not built a life with someone else but I think that even if I did , I would still miss him in my life.

How could I not miss the minutes, the hours, the days and the nights we spent together for 30 plus years. I will miss everything. Our ups, our downs, seeing her sitting there on couch spot waiting to greet me hello as I walked in the door. In this natural realm, I will always miss her until our spirits meet again. She will look as she did in youth, when I found myself in love with her. Me, just a hard ass brand new attorney who was just beginning a brilliant career. But it was her that made my star shine. Always encouraging me. She knew my worth even when I did not. And she loved me despite all my flaws. And our entire time together, she was ever forgiving and only wanted the best for me. And she did everything within her power to give us the very best life possible. Earlier tonight, I was reflecting on my life today. I actually am happy with the mess I've created. This is no one else's mess. It is all 100% me. I like something, I get it. I'm still a goal setter. Only now the goals I set only for myself. This is my time between being an "us". And what I'm calling a mess, is "my" life. No one else's life. I have always been a messy person. Only difference now is I have no one to keep me in check but myself. No one to answer to. No one to consider. And I know for me, this "in between time" is just exactly what I need right now. Today. I remember a piece someone bumped over a year ago. It was a wonderful piece about having 2 hearts. We never lose our heart for our true love that left us against both our wills. But I do believe we all have the capacity to love another in just as a spectacular way, only totally different because an "us" can only be the sum total of its parts. Different parts, different "us". Not better. Not worse. A new "us" to be embraced. Many have no desire to go there, some are not near ready, but there are some who after they have made their own life after, embrace the opportunities presented to love again. And love is such a good thing to have. There are some of us who must love someone and be loved by someone. And it is for us that it is there that we have purpose and happiness. Will such love ever negate or erase the love we had? Not possible. For love is eternal. Cherish the new moments of life presented to each of us. We've all learned how truly precious life really is. And my life may be a mess right now, but I can honestly say, it is a happy mess. As opposed to a happiness. That will come in it's own time. I chose not to run from it, but to seek it out. And if it takes me all of my days, I will have a blast pursuing my happy ness. Sharon, it would be good if you could find that piece on two hearts. I'd love to read it again. God bless you, my Sister. Scottie

Sharon; you asked a simple question, so, a simple answer. You know Diane and I were married over fifty years and had no children. After four years, do I miss her (?), every day, all day. How could I not?....

I am at three years and am realizing a "piece of me" will always be missing.

4 Years for me. Am trying to adjust to this different life...
Wonder what we would have been doing...
Where we might have been traveling...
When we might have down sized...
Unanswered questions, unrealized dreams...
Life continues without our spouse...
For each of us, it's a different, new you
jdp

I'm at 5 years. I miss my husband all the time. I've been having a hard time at work because of organizational changes. I miss my husband because he would tell me what to do and I wouldn't worry about it. I'm left to figure things out on my own raising three kids on my own. I'm seeing someone, he's been very supportive and I'm happy about that but, still feels like there's a void.

Antonella

At first, grief is in control. As we live and work thru it, the fog lifts and we have the opportunity to grow and change. We may not readily see it or maybe we tell ourselves that we don't want to,but the opportunity is still there. It all comes down to choice. Do we choose to dwell on the painful, negative parts of the past or do we choose to use the positives from our past as the foundation and inspiration for our present and future. We're sad at there absence but all the dreams and happiness we had with them wasn't only their doing. Those things came from within us too. We have the power within us to seek happiness, dream and work towards them. We also have the power within us to sit and sadly wait for our own end. The choice is ours.

Sharon, I don't think you'll find one person on here that will say that they don't miss all of that. How could you stop missing something you've lived with and loved for so long? However....you can't turn the page if you keep rereading the last chapter.... this is our new life now and we can honestly learn to live in it and love it just as much as before. It won't be the same and shouldn't, but it can be just as good. You are blessed to have Art in your life....enjoy every moment while you can! Life is a precious gift we all need to cherish for what it is....
Hey Johnnie.....love your point that all of the dreams and happiness that we had with our spouses also came from us too, hence the term...partnership. True that it's a devastating loss but it's up to us to choose the positive and build upon that loving foundation that we too were a big part of....
Warm hugs....
Darcie

Sharon....always remember this....

The "earth" without "art" is just "eh"...

See how special he is....
<3 ya!
Darcie

I think you are lucky to finf it in yourself to build a new relationship. So focus on your blessings....

Risking to appear abnormal, but I feel that after my husband's departure, a woman that used to be me, who later became a heart broken widow; that woman slowly followed her husband and faded in obscurity...

Nothing is the same, nether the things around me nor me... I accepted the change.
Do I miss them, that young man of only 45, and his young widow torn apart from the pain, rolling on a floor in agony voiceless from screaming and crying? No, all is gone. It's my past life.

... I really don't know if I want to go back to a memory lane, while most of it filled with many good memories, but the grief darkness that followed is terrifying ...
However,when I began dating, being with another man triggered those nostalgic feelings. A new romance ,while it had its high points and was gratifying, but it has never felt truly authentic or genuine.
Many things in a new relationship triggered confusion and longing for my past. Yet. for the sake of having a companionship I kept on dating till I got strong enough to stop comptomising my real feelings.

I'm alone by choice for now. I worked hard to find that peace; nothing and no one around me that makes me feel conflicted, or induces the need for an emotional reconciliation with my memories. Someday I might see it differently, and become a believer in a new love, but today I live in a present, live without a compromise.

Do I miss Bob? Bob knew me better than I know myself. For the forty years we had, it was a true partnership. I was complete when we were together. He was easy to be with. he was mellow and yet he had a wonderful sense of humor. He was the most dependable guy and so reliable. He just had a way of making things right when they were not. He was thoughtful, generous and considerate. He changed diapers, walked the floor with our colicky baby so I could rest. even though he had to be to work in the morning, He shared his money, his dessert, his Love. He put us first. We had a great life. It was a lot to lose. But as Cheryl put it. We are our best self when we love. I sure did miss the love. I don't foresee another marriage in my future. The years have slipped by. Health has changed. I'm comfortable on my own. As I see it, the majority of us over 75 are content with having a friend, partner, relationship, company, but we seem to like our time on our own to read, watch our favorite Television show or do an activity that we enjoy. We eat what we want or not or if we have someone we might eat together if we choose. We make our own decisions, and are in charge of our own affairs. We like the hugging and holding though. It's good for what ails us. (*.*) I wouldn't trade the fun experiences I've had or any of the swell dates I've had. It wasn't how I would have wanted it 40 years ago but it made life less lonely. I would have wanted Bob to live life to the fullest had he been the survivor. I wrote myself a message on a blackboard in my kitchen that says "Thank you Lord for this beautiful day" It's my constant reminder that my life is a gift . Bob remains in my thoughts and my heart every day. He was the Love of my life. Hugs and Love, Dolores

I love the heartfelt responses you shared. Every one of them are a blessing shared. I don't live in the past of what was, and I am blessed to have the the present and future to enjoy. There's a nostalgia that will surface in good times and bad that causes wonder. I believe that as terrible my loss, I have found acceptance in my life and am more apperceive of today. I will always love and it encompasses a joy unknown til one was no longer here. Sharon

Sharon, This was a good subject . It was nice to open up and express what's inside. Thanks for all you do . Thanks for honest sharing.. Hugs, Dolores

One of the lines came up in my head from time to time, in my past year and a half, was, "The best time of my life was over." It sounds very negative and gloomy, but I learned to realize it wasn't. My love and I always had each other's heartstrings. I can read the happiness and love that is in her eyes. We have lots to work through, but more often than not, we found a way to support each other.

Do I miss her every day? Of course I do. I felt that she managed to squeeze every bit of social ability, love and brain power and positivity and compassion out of me. She understood and appreciated me for who I am, for all my strengths and flaws, and was a great match to hers as well. Her strength of character transformed me to become a better person.

But life is like going on a bus ride. People came on board and sit with you for a while, and then they get to go off when they get to their station - some leaving a greater impact, and you cherish the memories. At the end of the day, everyone has to go home, and come back the next day.

Wow. I love what everyone has written here. Thanks for the subject Sharon. To me grief is like an onion it has many layers. Some days I am not peeling away at it much and other days I am almost overcome. As time goes by and I peel another layer away I find new thoughts, new feelings. Its not stagnate, its is ever changing with a life of its own. I both look forward to uncovering more and yet also dread it for the inevitable wave of pain.