Flowers and candy were sitting on my doorstep when I got home. That's an action, not an idea. He lives in Germany and is planning on coming to the states in 3 months. That's time to get to know him more before meeting him. Then, a few months later, he wants to take me to Germany and show me Germany. I would be out of my mind to not consider this guy! and get to know him better.

you know yourself Mel40. Do what you feel. You only walk your path. People are speaking from their experiences. Do not be offended. I feel like the people that come in our lives either are for some reason. Whatever the reason, we learn a lesson from them. Nothing can ever diminish your love of your husband. Nor will anything bring him back, nor is grief ever over. We just live. I am sure you will be fine

To echo Kelly, this site is open to the public and it is unfortunate that not everyone is what they portray. As widows/widowers we are vulnerable, we want to make a connection with someone who hears and feels our pain and possibly can replace some of it with a more personal connection. I am sure there are females who prey on widowers but I have seen more instances of men preying on widows. Just be careful, remember it is a different world than when we were younger, much larger and not kind. I wish you the best.
Cathy

just in general, being not married, widowed, single, and not even related to online, i have felt as though men I meet, think when i say i am widowed a light bulb goes off in their head *desperate* and perhaps that was true at one time. So, yes, i think people are not always who they seem to be online or in person. It easier on line, you can put a different picture up or say anything that appeals to the person. I hope all works out with you Mel, just thinking of the first time at about 6 months, I felt, understood and i now know he was a huge liar....i met in routinely in my daily life. Things have made me know it sure is nice taking time to get to know me.

Ok, Mel, you are a Mom with three children and you have to be 100% careful, (if not for yourself) than for your children. I am very worried about you. I see where you are ready to defend this person that you have never met in person. You have given them your home address. I have been here for over 4 years and I have seen (about once every 3 - 6 months) a group of 2 or more people who have turned out to be someone other than who they portrayed themselves to be. When they are from another country...the odds increase dramatically. It is possible to meet someone that is for real....but the odds are actually against it. Since you have given him your home address...it is obvious that you 100% trust that they are for real. I trusted 2 men that knew people that I knew and they both were not who they seemed to be...even though my friends said that both were nice men. They were nice friends....but horrible boyfriends. Both were out to get something that I was too vulnerable to realize. Both were sooooo good at lying that even after I caught them lying, I could not tell the difference between the truth and a lie with them.

You may not want to hear this and I am sure that a lot of people who have been scammed are too embarrassed to mention it here, but if not for you to hear this...others should.

What can you do to add extra steps of protection? You can skype with the person for a LONG time before meeting them. You can look up the obituary for their lost spouse. You can "never ever ever ever" send them money for anything...even if they have sent you money...even if you have talked for a LONG time before they ask you for it.

I am not saying that there's 100% certainty that he is not who he says he is. I am saying that there is enough of a chance and you have children that you need to be cautious for a long long time...

-Diana

I have read that sometimes grieving starts when a spouse is still alive, but very ill and the surviving spouse is essentially alone before the definite loss. Perhaps, in those cases, usual recovery times frame changes. This makes a difference, as well as the age of the widow/er. Yet, it is prudent to exercise caution and impulse control.
Being known for my “be careful” advises, lately I am leaning toward philosophy that Mark Twain’s summarized so succinctly “ A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way”
So here is my two cents, even risking to appear sanctimonious, I will say that “do what you have been determined to do from the start, just keep in mind, that you have responsibility for three lives , who also have their loss, and probably still working through it.
Good luck.

PLEASE be careful! I was totally taken in by an on line scammer when I first ventured out into the world to date after my husband died. Like you I gave out personal info to quickly. .... and came home to flowers. I'd pull ba k a little and see how he reacts. If he is genujne he will understand your need for caution. I met my current husband on line and one of the reasons I trusted him was because he insisted I do a background check on him to make sure I knew he was who he said he was.

I am not looking for marriage. I was honestly just being supportive of him in the beginning. As we chatted online, I began to have feelings for him. Awkward. Then he revealed the same for me. More awkward. I became fb friends with him, that's how he got my address. He told me I could ask any of his fb friends or family about him, so I picked one and did. She told me that I have been very good for him, that he has been smiling again. OK. I appreciate your concern. This is a real guy. He seems to be a nice guy. I talked with him on the phone tonight. For over an hour. I Never talk on the phone that long. We talked about current stuff, past stuff and our philosophies on life. No harm done. I have prayed all the way through this and though it seems fast, we really have been talking for quite a while. I will keep you updated.

PS. The person I picked in fb said she's known him for almost 9 years .

When I started seeing the man I love now, we were members of the same church. We started going out to eat something like every other Friday night and most Sundays. Then as time went along, we became great FRIENDS with no thought of it being more. We started wanting to see each other every day, eating our evening meals together. Finally one night he said we might be becoming more than friends. I was scared (not wanting to get hurt). We became romantic, finally, and started talking about marrying. By this time, we had become best friends before the romance started. It just sort of evolved. So, my suggestion is to allow sufficient time to know each other thoroughly before starting the romantic stuff. I have always been somewhat overly cautious, so I dragged my feet about moving forward. But we did get married 3 weeks ago and we are very happy. I know what being in love with love is (personal previous experience) and I knew I didn't want that to happen ever again! Caution is one of my favorite words! Best wishes to all who are beginning to get out into the world and observe and participate in getting to know men/women again. I wish everyone well!

Congratulations!

Hey I am glad that you are living again and embracing all the great things life has to offer. We almost started this journey at the same time. I too have found a special person here and she is also from a different country. I am still having problems coping with my wife's death and she is their for me when I need a friend to talk too.

I have a great love for this person but have made it clear that I am not ready for anything more than a close friend but I know when I am ready that she will be on the top of my list. I do love her very much and we have decided that if we still have these strong feelings for each other she will come over and visit.

Just keep enjoying life and except what god puts in your path. Just make sure that he is the one putting it their.