HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group
We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...
I've been attending a local hospice widows/widowers grief support group for nearly a year now and it's been a terrific help in my journey to find the new me.
As some of you know, I am in a new relationship and have once again found love and laughter and sharing life. I have shared this with the hospice group on many occasions, so all the members are aware of it.
Today, during one of our discussions, one of the members who is about 5 months into her journey, was talking about something and said to the facilitator, "But it's easier for her (meaning me and my grief over the loss of my husband), because she has someone else in her life, right?" I nearly fell off my chair! Of course, the counselor corrected this woman, but I have been thinking about this all the rest of the day. Is THIS what others think about those of us who have found another love? I've tried to explain (and struggled for months over) the fact that I am not REPLACING Darrell with John. I simply have room in my heart for BOTH of them. I don't know what else to say to someone, but I DO still grieve my loss of Darrell and it hurts to think that ANYONE would think that it's "easier" for me.
I would really appreciate your comments here. I am so, so hurt by this statement/belief.
Thanks,
Terry
As some of you know, I am in a new relationship and have once again found love and laughter and sharing life. I have shared this with the hospice group on many occasions, so all the members are aware of it.
Today, during one of our discussions, one of the members who is about 5 months into her journey, was talking about something and said to the facilitator, "But it's easier for her (meaning me and my grief over the loss of my husband), because she has someone else in her life, right?" I nearly fell off my chair! Of course, the counselor corrected this woman, but I have been thinking about this all the rest of the day. Is THIS what others think about those of us who have found another love? I've tried to explain (and struggled for months over) the fact that I am not REPLACING Darrell with John. I simply have room in my heart for BOTH of them. I don't know what else to say to someone, but I DO still grieve my loss of Darrell and it hurts to think that ANYONE would think that it's "easier" for me.
I would really appreciate your comments here. I am so, so hurt by this statement/belief.
Thanks,
Terry
I tend to agree with Mel, I don't think she meant a judgement at all, you know how lonely and frightened you are at the beginning and just the thought of being alone, so I think she was thinking it would make it easier if there were someone else there for you.
Enjoy your relationship, don't take it personally, no one understands unless they are in your shoes and she's not way too early in her journey.
Group can be tricky. I still go to mine. Just told them that I am seeing someone. One of the guys said it was too soon. Well, I did launch off the chair and asked him what EXACTLY is the timeline and what college did he get his degree from.
We will always miss and grieve for our husbands. And the landminds of being in a relationships that wrestles with my brain.
I am here for you my dear friend, and you know those cliffs are your friends now
Peace to you
Dually
We wake up alone, go to bed alone, eat alone, come home alone and that is so devastating it feels like we lose them every day. It is nice to have someone to talk to or have dinner with. But this doesn't replace the core of our pain. That can't be replaced and we know that. She doesn't know it yet.
Sorry this happened to you. You are doing what is right for you and that doesn't include getting others approval for your life. Sharon
If this new relationship has not brought any positive change, well, that would be puzzling, why someone would have gone throught the trouble of getting involved.
Hypothetically speaking, out of any context, the word "easier" does not imply replacement, disloyalty; what is more, it does not diminish the tragedy, but seems to me just reflects an assumption, that a widow has someone who cares about her, validates her as a woman, makes her life better.
I'm looking forward to have a companion who will make some things in my life easier, like having a dinner
Hugs,
Terry
What I've found is that when I get upset, it is usually because I am motivated for selfish reasons. I try to figure out what they are and really take a look at the reasons. One of the protections I had in my marriage was that I could not be completely selfish. I had to take others into consideration. Now, I have to be careful to not get stuck in my own head or mission. It can be challenging.