There are so many options. Parents without partners, Meet Up groups, church, online dating. I think right now, you just need to be happy with you. Do what you like, join a gym, art classes, go back to school. Put yourself in places that you enjoy yourself and you could meet someone that shares your interests. Even the PTA, or whatever they call it now. Don't rush into anything. Make male friends, not future husbands. You were friends with your husband first, weren't you? Pray on it, meditate on it. Use the Law of Attraction. All of these things can bring someone into your life, but if you aren't ready for it, it will be for nothing. Relax and enjoy yourself and you will have someone in your life again. Online dating is a good place to meet people, but some of these guys only want one thing. It's hard to wade through the jerks, and sometimes frustrating. Good Luck

After being together with Mary Jo for 50 years, the thought of living alone for the rest of my life was not a happy one. Like you, I miss everything about our life together. It has been almost 7 months now, and I am starting to realize that what I am really missing is Mary Jo -- not just "someone". I'll admit it -- she was the "one in a million" for me, and I don't think there is another like her. But, maybe I'm wrong about that.

I think I am getting past the original "panic" of being alone, and starting to see that it may not be as bad as I thought. I am not looking for a "relationship" at this point, but I don't discount the idea that there may be a great one "out there". I know now that I am not willing to "settle" with a relationship, just so I will not be alone. For me, a relationship that didn't work would be worse than none at all. I'm just saying.

Everyone is different. I don't think it's wrong for you to think about your future and not wanting to be alone. For me, I've made some wonderful friends through both meetups and grief support. For now that is what works for me. But when you look at the big picture you don't know how long you'll be alive and to be alone for the rest of your life is sad when you have so much more love to give. Take it slow, find activities you enjoy, find new friends and you'll be able to share their experiences with online dating, etc....good luck, I hope that you find what you are looking for. Life is too short as we all here have found so live your best life and be happy, don't feel guilty, I'm sure that your husband would want you to be happy.

Thanks for the support!

I think it is quite natural that you would want to look for another mate. There is nothing wrong with the idea and you should not feel guilty. You are alive and you should make the most of the life you have. Totally understandable that you do not want to remain alone.

I am totally incapable to advise you as to how to meet someone. I have to admit that at my age it is most improbable that I would meet someone else, even if I did want to. After 42 years with the same person, the dating scene is no doubt totally altered. I would not know where to begin, I am certainly not ready now but nevertheless I am trying to widen my shrinking social circle, not fantastically successful so far, it has to be said.

Best of luck and do post as to how you will approach the dating scene, please.

I don't think you should feel guilty for not wanting to live the rest of your life alone. Everyone's time line is different as is our grief. For me, I have adopted a never say never attitude. I did try the on line dating because I thought I wanted a male opinion on things....but when the responses started coming in I realized what I wanted was my Bob's take on things not just any guy. But my history is very different from yours..I am 55 and my Bob was not my first husband. I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince. What ever you choose make sure it is right for you.
Blessings

Correction. I am 40, not 49. I hate that we didn't talk about it. My kids have asked me if he gave me permission to date. (Without my spurning) I just really miss having that in my life. I know that it's a possibility. I know that even dating, I can have hugs, kisses and if I said "I'm really sad", what man wouldn't hold me? Even my friends will do that. So, I guess I'll check out online dating first, without any warning. Here goes.

i am 47 and was widowed at 45. The thought that i may never partner up again sounds horrible. That being said, I have had times I love and have needed this alone time to find out some things about me. Online dating is sort of a nice way to re-enter into the dating scene. Its a safe distance. Talking a while online helps to find out if you actually want to meet. I have yet to meet anyone I am very interested in, and vice versa but have had some decent dates. We likely have to try to know? Good luck with what you decide

I had a nice long reply and then deleted it because I have a very specific opinion about this. I had never lived alone until I became widowed. I have been living alone for almost three years now and I was 46 when I was widowed. I'm learning to be content and comfortable by myself. My motto is that I'm alone, but I am not lonely. I'm learning that I do have to have someone constantly with me to be content. Just like marriage, living alone takes skill and work.

I never considered marriage easy and my husband had just as many faults as I do. We both made a lot of adjustments in our lives to make our marriage successful for 25 years. We never had children and that was a mutual decision prior to our marriage and I began dating him when I was 16. The thought of having to make all those adjustments again for someone new is not that appealing to me. I feel like I'm getting set in my ways and that I don't want to change them for someone else.

After reading this post it makes me sound like I'm selfish and maybe I am. I'm still learning to be alone, but it's not something I fear. I'm embracing it as that is my choice.

Nessie from KY

I meant to say I do not need someone with me to be content. My goodness, I need to proofread better.

Nessie from KY

I have been alone for six years. I have discovered that I am selfish and that it is okay to be that way. I enjoy being around others but I also enjoy just being by myself. I often go to the movies along or with a friend. I go out to eat alone or with a friend. I just enjoy my own company. My husband and I knew each other well and I would have done any thing in the world for him. I could not say that about someone new. It would not be fair to someone else or to myself to not put that person first. I cannot do that because I don't want to do that. It is a choice. Wanting to be loved again is a blessing if that is what you want. Not wanting anyone else in your life is a choice if that is what you want as well. I think being selfish and knowing it is okay at this time in our lives-because there are a lot of people who are truly selfish and they do not realize it. I know who and what I am-the good and the bad. My husband loved/accepted all of me and so do I.

Raye

The replies are great advise and I can only repeat that it is an individual decision and we come to our decision in different ways. Being open to the future without a plan of staying alone or searching for another relationship is the most healthy in my opinion. I was guilty of not being open for my own reasons, but circumstances came that changed that.

Before you commit to someone else you need to be happy with yourself, and it sounds like you are. It's the yearning for the companionship you want. Just keep in mind, the wrong person is worse than being alone. John said it so well, is it "someone" or your husband you search for? Relationships aren't a substitude for your loss, but a new start for your life. Sharon

So, I went out with my GF last night and she asked me about my dating life. She kept encouraging me to "get out there and live again." " meet someone, move on, move forward". "Love someone else. Connect with someone else." I sensed that she was beating around the bush about something and finally asked her, "are you telling me that I need to get laid?" She replied, "it wouldn't hurt. It would probably help you!" Lol! God love GF and their honesty! I keep that frustration to myself, or so I thought! (I'm not ready for that, but, it gave me a good laugh)

After 4 years I am just now feeling like I want to date. I am not desperate so I am taking my time. I will say that online dating is like a big he man show with all the men bragging about their Harley, boat or even dog. They all seem to like golf which I don't. I am not looking for another big romance just someone to go out with and who I can get along with. Because of my situation I can never marry again because I would lose my benefits.. But I can have fun.

I have written two long replies to this and lost both due to using my laptop....so will make this shorter. After we lose our spouse we want our old life back. What we want is new love like instant mashed potatoes. You know...add another mix well...bam...new life and new happiness. What we get instead is the sad realization that we were who we were in that relationship due to the two individuals in it. We are not the same...we now know the gut wrenching pain of loss of the love of our life...so we are changed. No other person out there IS them....so we are sad whenever we reach for what we had over and over.