JMHO, but I think if he was the right man, you WOULD feel something! Maybe I'm old fashioned but I think there has to be a "spark", a "flutter" or something very unmistakeable. You can never replace Ron, nor should you try, but you have to want to be with someone, for it to last. Hugs and good wishes to you. Darlene

OMGosh I am also 5 years out as of yesterday.

This has been for me my experiences thus far: MY SIL's father and I would go do things, he was interested but I just couldn't but I am 65 - and he is my SIL's father so that was in the way BUT mostly I just could not get any kind of feelings towards this MAN. I know have a friend who comes and helps out fixing things on my place, we go out to dinner and a few things but so far its been ok for both that way. I really like and respect him but bottomline just do not think I have any feelings anymore.

BUT maybe someone does come a long and it does feel so right. I hope so as you are so much younger....

Lori: I can't answer for you, but I don't think it is just being too picky. I think that the spark needs to be there. When Pat and I started dating it was very different than my marriage, but I couldn't wait to see Pat, talk to him, hold hands, just take a walk. I was giddy and it was like being a teenager again. I was just so darn happy that even though I was scared to death, I had to take the risk. Two and a half years later the spark is still there. The man still lights up a room for me. In a different way than J.R., but that spark is there. It is our spark, not a reflection of my previous spark with J.R. Does this make sense to you?

I think you deserve and need the spark. I think you hold out for the spark. If that puts this gentleman in the friend zone so be it. I have done things with Pat that I would never do with J.R, (go to a Black Sabbath concert, ride in a motorcycle rally, participate in a chili cook-off), not my ideal date stuff) and enjoyed every single living second of it because of who I was with and how much we enjoyed being together. He has broadened my horizons and made me feel truly alive in a way I wasn't sure was possible after my husbands death. You deserve nothing less. When its the right guy, you will take the leap because you have to, because you want to, because there is no other choice.
Hugs,
Val

Follow your heart. weeks into it you would know if you have a connection of sort. No it does not have to be Love at first sight but chemistry of some kind needs to be there. And better to be honest with this fellow and yourself than to drags things along and be unfair to him but also to yourself.

Trust your instincts.......their telling you that something is missing.

I agree... with the others. Did you read the post about NOT the right man? I've met a lot of nice men, no sparks either.

Lori, I'm going to go out on a limb here...
Is it possible that you're experience some low grade depression or dysthymia? Do you find yourself not experiencing any moments of joy, any mirth? Or is that present, but you're just still "blank"when it comes to this gentleman?
If you have a counsellor I suggest you discuss it with them. Depression or dysthymia can rob us of our emotions- usually the positive ones go first.

I think you gave him the time, 5 weeks, is plenty to know, if there is anything there. You would only be hurting him more, by hanging on. It is nice to have someone interested in you, but one sided is no way to start a relationship. I'm at almost 6 years. Dated a few guys with no sparks. The guy I see now, has some health problems, but not serious. There were sparks from date one, but we aren't in a rush for marriage or living together. The right one is there somewhere and you aren't being too picky.

Paula

I have experienced 2 very different kinds of love in my life. One was no better than the other, just different and I cherish both of them. My husband and I met in high school and we became sweethearts. Over a 40 year marriage that love became stronger and deeper. I never doubted our life and our happiness. It was wonderful and produced many memories for me to cherish as well as two beautiful children.

Four years ago, at age 65, I met a man named Art. I felt an instant attraction just looking at him. We met at a local cafe and had coffee and a danish. The next night he picked me up at my home for dinner. I knew he was like no other and this could be my life. I held back out of fear my but we continued seeing each other regularly. It was a whirlwind romance for me and I still get a feeling in the pit of my stomach writing this.

There is nothing that defines love to perfection. Before Art I had a male friend who I socialized with. I knew that there would never be more than a friendship. I don't know why, but I knew. I think you know too deep in your heart. Let it be what it is. Enjoy what you have, be it a friend or moving to more. Act with him as you feel and make no promises that you don't feel.

I truly believe that your heart will lead you to what you want. Sharon

It is a confusing and different time. I think back to how much I loved Angela. I think about how quickly we found each other and got married. Now it is different. I have dated a few different woman. Each time I wonder if this is the one. I am so anxious to find someone and bring back normal. Each time I have to pull myself back and wonder what am I looking for. It is not the same world as before. I am not the same person in some ways. I find myself so afraid of getting hurt. I have so many questions in my mind. It is difficult to know what I feel.
I so very much hope for me that when the right person is there, things will happen and somehow it will all work out. I am not one for thinking fate has a role here, exactly. Just with the right person I will know. Also love has this way of giving back so much more with the right person. That might be the spark or chemistry we all look for.
You know yourself better than anyone. Listen to yourself.
Mark

speaking as a guy who has fallen for a person (a widow) i met, only to be told "we can only be friends" followed 6 weeks later by the revelation that she too had been "spending time with a very neat gentleman." but suddenly found herself actually caring for us both, and not sure what to do, I can say, "new love" in the situation we find ourselves in now, is far more complicated than anything we experienced first time around..(and hurts like hell)

Check out this article, especially the section from "Janine"
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201203/love-after-death-the-widows-romantic-predicaments

love now is NOT going to be the same as what we had..our expectations, will need to be different..

just my opinion

It's been 3.5 years for me. I had a relationship where I felt the sparks and chemistry but, it didn't work out. I met someone else and he was very nice to me but, not chemistry so I stayed and gave it time in hopes that it would develop into love. It was four months and there were no sparks and chemistry and I had to end it because it didn't feel right. I need to feel the pure joy of falling in love, I want to look into someone's eyes and feel love without the words. I had to end it because I couldn't continue with living with feeling that something is missing and I feel I am settling for something second best when I could be living life fully.

Antonella

Thank you everyone for such insightful thoughts. I ended up telling Mike all the things I had mentioned in this post. I think I could have told him I was a serial killer and he would still want to date me?? The open conversation ended up creating a more comfortable time spent together. I agree with what's been written, if he was The One, my heart would wake up and recognize him as such. Lori

One definitely has to feel the spark and the connection. You want your heart to flutter every time you get a text message, phone call or whatever. He needs to be the person you think of last before you go to sleep at night and first when you wake up in the morning. You need to feel that you would go crazy if this man left your life for some reason.. When all those things, and more, start happening then you will know that you have found the right person - Hugs ~ Gail

I think it depends on your own personal needs. At this stage in life, some want a full of emotion romance while others are looking for a companion, someone to spend time with. I am not sure that I would need a lot of emotion in a relationship at this point in my life. Just having someone to do things with, fill the empty space that surrounds me at every moment of the day and night, that would be so nice. Of course if the other person was experiencing those emotions for you, that could complicate things! Bottom line, though, I don't think all marriages have to be filled with sparks and passion to be happy, fulfilling marriages.