Thanks for sharing about that book, Paula...sounds like it could be quite helpful....

Thanks for the suggestion Paula.

My oh my how the dating rules have changed in the past 25 years!!!

Let us know if you find any earth shattering "to do"s. I can't get this on my Kindle, gotta wait until I get to the Big City.
Cathy

Thank you. I have been looking for good relationship books lately. I will have to look for this one. I am discouraged by the lack of books that deal specifically with dating and remarriage as widows/widowers. I find plenty that deal with divorce.

Thank you, Paula. I need all the education on this subject as I can get.

Paula,

Thank you for the heads up on good reading material. I have just finished reading "The 5 Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman. My husband and I read it years ago, and I remember it being a wonderful resource. Since entering this new arena of caring for another, I felt its content would be a valuable "refresher course" for understanding the enormous influence of backgrounds and temperaments on a relationship. In fact, Dan and I chose to read it together which was an excellent way to address the Q & A of the getting-to-know-you issues. We arranged set-aside time on the phone (we're 800 plus miles apart, so it was the only way we could manage it) and took turns reading chapters. It turned out to be such a special way to cover the material that we have continued our time of reading other relevant books. It has opened a wealth of opportunities for in-depth discussion.

Dr Chapman has some excellent books on relationships that I wholeheartedly recommend to anyone who is even entertaining the thought of caring for another. Being married from the age of 17, I felt it would be too easy to fall into taking certain aspects of one's personality for granted. In a new relationship, some of the old rules don't apply. Reading materials that offer insight into fair expectations of another as well as placing a mirror in front of our own misgivings can only foster a brighter future. At least that's my humble opinion. I welcome all the support and knowledge I can accumulate. Lord knows, I need it.

Paula, there are no set answers to all the questions we newcomers to the social scene have tucked away in our hearts. Many of the questions we are reluctant to ask: who would think that we who have been married and have a lifetime of experiences under our wings would have legitimate questions. After all, been there, done that, huh, and we should have the answers. Well, we sure know that's not the case. If there's someone out there that has ALL the answers, please, please write a book and tell us the name!!!!! Blessings to you all. TJ

Paula & TJ - What an intriguing idea!! I hadn't even considered the idea of reading a book on relationships to help w/sorting out my feelings in a new relationship from this different perspective as a widow - much less reading & discussing one together. I looked up "The 5 Languages of Love" on Amazon.com to get a feel for what it might read like. Doesn't give much away, but feels like it can't hurt - especially since my new guy is one to read and has picked up quite a few self-help type books getting thru his divorce process the past couple years..

I've been married twice but never really did the dating thing - just kind of fell in love and moved ahead from there. The 2nd time we both managed to be so compatible in our "love styles" that we were still in love when he died 27 years later. Bob & I are also in a LD relationship & talk every nite, & as w/my other two, I'm just kind of falling in love and moving ahead from that. I think & feel we are doing quite well, but it's still so new & there's so much unknown that this book discussion idea feels like it could only help w/possible insights about each other and what it is that is going to push our buttons. I mentioned it to him tonite - & we're both game. Thanx...

I read self help books about everything, always have, but I am pretty, much an undisciplined person. My problem is that I DON'T have a wall around my heart, as Paula described. I leap right into things , wanting them to be right , without doing the work,. Hum, back to chapter one for me!!!!!

On the Five Languages of Love, there is a test you can take, online, to let you know what your personality is. I've read the book too, and gave it to someone, you know how that goes.

Paula,

That same profile test you mentioned is also included at the back of "The 5 Love Languages" book.

For those who are not familiar with the book--

Each chapter of the book deals with a different "language" to which we might more easily respond. It's an excellent means for discovering the "why" of positive acceptance of some behavior while another type of behavior is an irritation. TJ

discussing the five love languages book, that was one of the first questions that Rob asked me! "what is your love language?"...Mike and I had gone to a discussion group on that book at church, but Mike wasn't too into it...I thought it was a really good way to start to figure out how we can compliment each other without "changing" each other...
To answer your questions Paula...YES!!! It is SOOOOOOO possible to find love at "our" age...in fact, when you find the right person, it is quite remarkable! I have always been one to really jump into things with my whole heart when I think it's right...and having had a really good marriage for 31 years, I don't want to miss out on ANY of the beautiful benefits of being loved and being in love. I've always looked at things very simply and sometimes very practically...I love Rob, he loves me, so let's just be happy! Still working on more getting to know you stuff, but after losing Mike, I just don't want to miss out on being in love.
hope that makes sense! hugs, Jill