For a long time I searched and searched for someone...I kept looking in every crowd that I was in for the person...the one that was going to be my next person. I realized that I was searching for Denny..my husband that I lost. I was not looking for a new relationship for years....just someone to place me back in that place that I was with my husband...the place where I was so happy. Of course I knew it would not be him...because he was gone...but I wanted exactly the same relationship with someone new.

I didn't even consider early on that meeting someone was not what I needed. I needed to first find out who I was alone. I did eventually date people. At first I dated a man that was safe...one that I knew would not be someone I would spend the rest of my life with. We started dating when I was at a year and a half and even though I learned to laugh again....it was really really hard. I still was "becoming me."

I am not the same person that married my Denny, and I am not the same person that buried my Denny..even though I was a complete and whole person after I lost him. He will always be part of me though.

With every relationship you are a different person and they are a different person and you two come together as a different couple due to all of the parts of who the two of you are.

I am now with Craig and we are very happy. It was not an instant relationship and it is absolutely NOTHING like my relationship with Denny was.

Anyway....I know that someday you will find exactly what you are searching for....though you will be searching for something entirely different than what you are searching for today, because you are in the process of becoming more and more the you that will share your life with the person that you find.

I hope I made sense.

Hugs to you along the road....
-Diana

I love that!

Mel,

I'm so very glad for you - not because you are looking for a future partner, but because your posting is overflowing with hope. Hope is what we lose when we lose our spouses, it seems. No future, no more happiness, no more anything!

I'm also glad to hear that you've learned to "anticipate crappy days" (and particularly smile at your use of "somewhat", since that indicates you know the Grief Monster lurks just around the corner and can strike when we least expect it).

Keep that hope burning. As Diana says, "...because you are in the process of becoming more and more the you that will share your life with the person that you find."

Hugs,

Terry