Mel:
Take it slow and I hope it works out for both of you.

Hugs,
Val

Mel, Enjoy the love. Don't worry too much about the future. Take one day at a time. A Big Hug, Dolores

He already broke up with me. 5 days in and he broke up with me. Oh well. Live and learn. Life goes on.
Basically, Thursday, my daughter got upset with me and called him. Then I called him. During our conversation, he told me that he was stressed by our calls and didn't think he wanted to date or be in a relationship with anybody. He wants to be the old man who lives in his house and works in his yard on the weekends. He told me I should date somebody else who wants a relationship. Last year at this time, he wanted my daughter to consider him her step dad. He got what he wanted and now he's acting like she's a burden.
So, I am back on Match and meeting new people. You only have to be slapped so many times to learn.
I can at least have fun dating and leave him alone, which is what he wants. Everybody is happy....
What a jerk!

take y'our time with your dating again .......be careful of rebound feelings

i have read that: if someone wants to walk away from them, let them.

sometimes going back works out but he has said a few times he is not into wanting a relationship and you cannot make him, sorry your daughter was hurt in this, but you are right to live and learn, hard taking our children on these rides with us.

Happy Mothers Day

Mel:

I have held my peace, as I know you truly have feelings for this man, but enough is enough. He seems to enjoy dangling a carrot in front of you an then pulling it away and appears to be on some weird power trip. Please, please, please, do not let him back in your life, even if he sends charming messages, says he has worked out his issues, etc... I am fairly sure it will be more bait and drop and I don't want to see you or your daughter go through this again.

Hugs,
Val

Dear Mel, I've followed your posts for a while. Been happy when you were happy & sad when you were sad. And now I have to say, ditto to Val's response. Most men can't take the heat, so to speak. They only want things perfect. It's when someone really cares that that they are willing to accept us as we are... Please follow Val's advice. There is more than likely someone out there who will love you and your daughter just as you are. Then you guys can love him, just as he is. Take care..
Dianne

Dear Mel I agree with some of the answers, I read your post this time and was about to say to go slow this time around when I read that he broke up with you yesterday and that you are back on match.com today. I think and that is just my opinion that while life is short and that you must make the best of it, that you should take time to explore a relationship with yourself before wanting the dating game so strongly.

xoxo
Handg

I think replacing one man with another quickly does not solve the deeper issues of our hearts. My heart hurts for you, hope you can take time time time to get to really know you and your needs and protect your heart and yoru daughter's

blessings as you go through this

Mel, Enjoy dating for a while. Make new guy friends. It will be less complicated. I wouldn't take him back another time. He does seem like he can't handle a relationship. Best of Luck. Dolores

Mel -
I think Val nailed it. It makes me wonder if this 'on again-off again' dynamic was part of his previous relationships and that's now why he's divorced.
You deserve better treatment than that. I'm sure there's someone out there for you.
I also echo Delores in suggesting you make new guy friends. I adore Gerry, Carl, John, Sergio and many of the other gents I've met through my widows/widowers meet up group. They've really enriched my life.

Good luck.

I agree with everything said and I'm going with the consensus! I went on a date Friday night and tonight. Trust is gone and I don't have it within me to rebuild it. I totally agree with the notion that the cause of his divorce was likely because he doesn't know how to do a relationship. He is all about himself. When "I" became a part of the process, he bailed. Repeatedly.
The guy I met tonight was so nice! I'm going to keep dating and meeting other men. It's really hard to go from being "wife" to dating but I think that's where I need to be right now. It's not a deeper issue of the heart other than being comfortable with who I am and embracing it. I still struggle with letting men pay for my coffee, drink, etc and that's something I need to work on. I don't have to do it on my own. I'm attractive to men (really don't understand that) and they will only treat me as bad as I allow.
Thank Yall so much for your support! I love you guys!

You know Mel, for years and years my advice to anyone that would listen was this, You will find love when you're not looking for it. Held true for me because that is how the love of my life came to me -- whaam when I wasn't looking, thinking, hoping, searching or wishing.... just WHAAM. But like I say, my advice was to anybody that would listen. Me, I never listen, not even to myself. All I want is to make something happen in my life so I'm shaking every trees I can find hoping to get hit by some really nice coconuts --- hoping to make my own WHAAM happen. LOL. Obviously, you need to listen to everyone's advice but mine! ~~~ Scottie

Here's an old Jamaican saying: What goes bad in the morning won't come good into the afternoon.

Here's an old Jamaican saying: What goes bad in the morning won't come good into the afternoon. Don't go back to him.

So, I have to admit that I also have relationship issues and wasn't perfect. First, I'm more focused on my daughter and my life. Getting back on Match was an attempt to protect myself, which I had done before. "If you don't want me, somebody will."
This is part of the process of me getting a handle on my feelings post loss... When I first became a widow, I couldn't tell what I was feeling because it was SO much! I had no idea that I had so many feelings. I learned to stuff them and ignore them in order to go on with life. I distracted myself from my thoughts and feelings.
I'm not looking to jump into anything with anybody. It was good for me to meet new men in order to understand how men think a little. To understand that they all have a path and a past. And to finally be comfortable with me alone or by myself.
It's been a long process. Healing. Loving myself. Not feeling desperate or needy. Not "looking for the right guy" but just accepting that we are all human and when the time is right, it will happen. Right now is probably not the right time for me. I still have pictures of him and items he bought me that have sentimental attachment. Not ready to get rid of those just yet.
The earth will still turn without a man in my life and even though my heart was hurt. Lives won't stop. I think I'm in a good place and he can do what he needs to do for his life and I can do what I need to do for my life. And be happy.