Just another landmine in this journey. I have started seeing someone and that brought all kinds of emotions and guilt. Just when you get past one part something else comes in. I guess it is just part of the process.

I am doing much better with the guilt feeling of seeing someone, still creeps in from time to time, but smiles and laughter is out there.

Peace to you
Dually

The marriage vows state "till death do us part," but our hearts operate on different criteria. In our hearts, nothing has changed, it's just that our loved ones are no longer with us. We still feel that special connection with them, the obligations that come with it -- and in some situations, guilt. I don't know if this makes and sense, but I don't think that'll ever feel that I am no longer "married" to Mary Jo. I know that I must move on with my life, and there may be another relationship in my future. I can't, and shouldn't feel guilty about that. The ones we have lost have a special place in our hearts and in our lives. They will never be lost, or replaced by a new relationship. Don't feel guilty for wanting to move on and finding joy in your life again -- that is what life is all about.

I think guilt hits us for reasons we may or may not be aware of. Simpley being alive when they are gone. For perceived mistakes that are long forgiven. For any number of subconscience or conscience thoughts. You are not being judged by any power on earth or above. Remember, you are doing the best you can with this horrible event and you are not alone. One step at a time..... Sharon

I can relate.
Some call it a survivor guilt, but I don't understand this concept. I do understand the perceived or real mistakes and consequently regrets and guilt carried from the past, I deal with it by learning forgiveness, forgiving myself, forgiving him. It is a foundation to start rebuilding our life.

Any relationship is complex, full of joy and sadness, excitement and disappointments, and when relationship interrupted, and no chance to balance it, to harmonized it back, we left to deal with the memories, and some of them are not so joyous.
As I understand. you are a woman of Faith, forgiveness is a cornerstone albeit it is one of the hardest thing to practice. We are such harsh judges of ourselves, but only learning to love ourselves, and forgiving ourselves brings peace.

In the grieving session we did exercises of forgiveness and a part of it what expressing it first, in writing or verbalizing in a group or with the counselor. Very cathartic experience, unburdening mind and heart from those thoughts, and suppressed feeling. When feelings are not dealt with, they come back unexpectedly, because they somewhere under the thin layer in our subconscious mind. Letting them out is important will set you free from guilt.
Thinking and dreaming about being happy again should not send you into this dreadful feeling of guilt. You are alive, and it is great that you feel alive and dream about a better future.
Wish you peace you deserve.
Blessing

I feel guilt also for moving forward, enjoying life, thinking maybe there will be someone in my future. I miss him so much, I feel guilt for leaving that terrible day with no clue he was as sick as he was for running home to get more clothing. It was just a short while I was gone, but he became critical and never spoke again. It just breaks my heart.

I can fully relate to what Dually has posted.

Guilt was the major feeling I had, initially and all through my grief journey. It still raises its ugly head now and then. Now, however, I've come to realize that it's just a part of this process. It's that separation of mind-heart thing, again.

As far as feeling guilty for being alive ("survivor's guilt", I believe it's called), someone once shared that she feels that her spouse sees, hears and feels things through HER. I like that and have adopted it as my philosophy.

My suggestion, Mel, is to just "let it (the guilt) pass through you, and let it go." No matter what happens in your future, you will never, ever forget or stop loving Mike. I think that's the part that confuses us: we're NOT "letting go of" or "moving on from" our spouses; simply moving forward in our life - taking them with us all the way. As Dually says, "Just another landmine in this journey..."

Hugs,

Terry