Hi ZinniasQuest,

Are you ok? I just read your post and hope that things have gotten a bit better since you wrote it; have they?

I'm exhausted. I'm sleeping at a truck stop in my car. If you can call it sleeping. I don't sleep well at all. I feel exposed and vulnerable. I've never felt so alone in the world before. I am trying to stay positive but today I have been crying a lot. I have a job interview in the morning that's important to me but I won't be able to shower before and haven't for a couple of days. I'm washing up but it's not the same. I'm taking it day by day sometimes minute by minute. I keep yawning right now and I'm so tired but it's hard to fall asleep. I have no privacy in the world now.

Oh, gosh - things do not seem better! I'm so sorry to hear that. You clearly aren't staying with your boyfriend's uncle's house anymore, and have you quit/lost the other jobs? Did you ever hear from your boyfriend?

I hope you can relax and go to sleep......I don't want to keep you from that if you are still reading. All the best at the job interview. Let us know tomorrow?

It was creepy there and way too far to drive. This new job would be better and would replace the other two. You're not keeping me up. It is actually comforting that you thought of me.

(I actually almost wrote that I hoped it would help to know that others are thinking of you, but then I just thought it.)


I am probably geographically far from you, but I am rooting for you.

Ty! I need all the positvity in whatever form I can get right now.

How are you doing, ZinniasQuest?

I actually was sleeping but got woke up because I'm itching pretty bad. Not sure if a mosquito is in here with me or what. I am sleeping in the parking lot of my new employer. Going to start next Thursday. I got some temp work this week that gives me a little money next Friday. But mainly I'm so tired and ankles and feet are now swollen and I don't know why. It feels like this nightmare will never end sometimes. I've been doing research into housing but that seems to be filled with barriers for me as well. I'm sorry if I'm complaining. I'm so tired and the local mission doesn't have any beds right now.
How are you?

I'm fine, am more concerned about you right now, but I don't want to keep you awake. Last year once, and a month or so ago, I got swollen feet and ankles and didn't know why either. It feels strange and can feel scary when our bodies do things we aren't used to - we think there must be a reason. I didn't go to a doctor, they un-swelled after a while. (I am guessing that accessing medical care would be an issue for you over there?)

Yes going to a doctor is problematic for many reasons. I have no insurance in the state I'm in currently and I'd have to go to an emergency room. That's very expensive. I would be billed but I already have such bad credit and so many debt collectors it would just be another thing to hold me back from getting approval for any kind of housing. I really hope the shelter will have a bed soon. Goodnight and sleep well! Ty for talking to me.

Good-night to you. (It is morning where I live:). Just so I have an idea of the time zone where you are, maybe next time you write you can give me an idea of what part of the States you are in? I am from Washington State, but live in the UK right now - don't know where I'll be in the future (like in a few weeks:). Speak soon?

I'm in Indiana. In the southern part of the state. I think your like 5 hours ahead of me then. As I write this now it's 5:59 am. I slept with my feet on the dashboard as much as I could and it does look as if the swelling has gone down some.

Hi, are your feet/ankles better? Have you managed to sleep in a bed in the last couple of days?

I did get to sleep in a bed for a few nights. It was a much needed break from my car. Tonight I will be at the Walmart parking lot again. Money is getting very tight and I'm waiting to start my new job. Then I will have to wait until the 23rd to get my first check. I have a decision to make. There are some rooms for rent (with shared bathroom and kitchen and a lock on my bedroom door) but it would take almost all of my money left to stay in them. I don't even know if they would let me because I have to show recent check stubs and while I do have some they don't show consistent full time work. So I could A - continue to sleep in my car or B- when I get my check from the temp work I did last week this Friday try to rent a room for the next two weeks until I get paid again. If I rent a room it leaves me with very little gas money or money at all. I don't know I'm just so tired all the time that it feels like it's starting to become a struggle to just keep my thoughts in order. I try every day to do things that are productive and search for housing and resources. I get kind of burned out on it though because I don't have enough money right now to do anything about any of it anyway. I know it's good to plan ahead, I think I'm just getting tired of it all in general. Every day is a struggle it feels like. Every minute and every penny has to be planned out and thought about and budgeted. I need an oil change, I need to get my eyes checked and new contacts because my glasses are not working as well anymore, I need to figure out where I'm going to be working once and for all, and I need to find a way to not let everything get me down. No one cares, not really, Everything even a cup of water or ice costs money. The only place that is almost free is the library. I just want to have a place already. I want to be back with my boyfriend. I want to get my life back together. I have a hearing for my divorce on the 23rd of this month and tomorrow I'm supposed to speak with a financial counselor. I also need to file bankruptcy. The only good thing about my credit reports is that I did not see any evictions and I thought for sure I had one from the last place I lived. So every day is kind of like a roller coaster for me. Highs and lows, good and bad things. I'm trying to be patient and give things the time that it takes.

Hi ZinniasQuest,

Thank-you for taking the time and energy to catch us up. The exhaustion of being on the roller-coaster and the difficult decisions facing you every day with limited resources are clear. You have so many huge things on your plate - even dealing with just one, such as divorce or bankruptcy - are so daunting, let alone struggling simultaneously to get your basic needs met on a daily basis.

What if you shared the details of your circumstances more fully with the people renting out the room? I.e. that you have been working and will have the better job with its paycheck soon and if they could slightly adjust the amount they will collect initially so that you could keep a bit of money to live on until that first paycheck? I would do that if I were renting out the room.

Once years ago I rented out a small single-wide trailer I had to a woman (with a little girl) on benefits who had no money at all for a deposit and didn't have good credit. I had 42 respondents on the first day of the advertisement, but I chose her because I knew that it would make a real difference in her life to be able to secure this housing. (She stayed for 7 years, went to college as an older student during that time, then got a job doing airport security and was eventually able to buy a little place of her own.) Anyway, my point is, maybe these landlords would be happy to be a little bit flexible in your situation? I think, or I hope, that there are many people still out there who do like help if they are in the position. (Although it looks like you have not been finding that to be the case?) If you waited, perhaps the rooms would be gone, unless you don't really like it and there are other such rooms for rent around.

I have been wondering if you have heard from your boyfriend, because if he had continued to be incommunicado as with your posting from a couple of weeks ago, then I can imagine how much that sense of loneliness or even abandonment would be making things feel even harder. Because you are wishing to be back with him, I am assuming you have been in contact?

I also have to finish getting divorced but I have been unable to find my ex in almost 2 years as he has responded to no email, phone call or text during that time, and left me with all the marital debt which he had created. Paying on that for all these years (including years we were separated) has left me without funds for proper legal help, etc. I sold my small business last year, the only thing I had of some value, on contract to someone who utterly convinced me that she had absolute integrity and would do everything she promised, but in recent months she has totally quit making payments and won't respond to any attempts at communication, so I also now have to find money to initiate legal action or debt-collection proceedings against her, which will probably not result in my getting any money anyway. Then there's the overseas financial reporting and self-employment tax filings from the IRS that cause a lot of stress and take so much time and I'm so scared I'll fill something in wrong - I got a letter from them yesterday that they can't process the huge pile of forms I sent in a couple of months ago because I left something off of one page. The potential penalties are huge for mistakes, though. In addition to these unpleasant issues, in two weeks I will have nowhere to live, nowhere to put my furniture, and no job, so I think I understand some of the stress you are feeling. I am totally alone in a different country so it's not like I can go crash on someone's couch or store my things in someone's garage, kind of like you being alone in a strange city (or town).

You seem very committed to getting things in order. For a while, at least, it looks like things will be extremely tough, but you are facing them: You seem to be pretty strong. I wish you postive steps each day.