I used to not tell very many people about my situation because it was like instantly a change would happen many times.  They would treat me differently, say how sorry they were and look sad about it and I got the feeling they felt sorry for me.  I also have had the experience that people think I automatically want something from them because of my situation.  I have had people say "I cannot help you in anyway" or "I cannot give you anything".  I didn't ask them for anything.  Now it is still hard sometimes to admit things to someone I meet for the first time.  But I am telling people more and more because I'm tired of this misconsception that people have about the homeless and if people experiencing it don't speak up it will continue.  It also let's me know pretty quickly where I stand.  I have had people I have reconnected with say they would contact me again but after I told them I never hear from them again.  It maybe something else.  I'm sure it's not always because of my situation. 

My message that I tell people is this: "I am the face of homelessness.  I work, I struggle every day to find a better place for myself. This can happen to anyone.  I didn't plan this to happen and most don't.  If you or a loved one are ever in this situation know that you are not alone and that you have to fight the feeling of shame.  Shame is a killer of the spirit.  You have to be positive and anything that is a killer of your spirit will make it next to impossible to move past this.". 

I still have some that get that sorry look on their face like I'm a lost little puppy dog.  I still have some that never talk to me again after professing to stay in touch.  I have to realize that that is none of my business.  My business is to keep fighting to stay alive and to get to a place where I am no longer homeless.  Once I reach that goal of having a stable place to live again one goal I have for myself is to never forget.  One should never forget where they came from, who was there along the way, and those that are still fighting.

I have contemplated writing a book about my experiences and have talked myself out of it.  Who am I anyway?  And an old friend of mine said "Why not?".  "Why not write it" she said "even if no one else ever reads it but you?" Maybe I am the only one that will ever read it and that's okay. 

I am worth the effort!  

Plus this is one chapter in my life.  I have many before it and I plan on having many after it. I have traveled to other countries, I have talked with and met people from so many different backgrounds and walks of life.  I have had the priveledge of doing things that someone from my background normally cannot afford.  I have had miracles happen.  I have woke up in the morning with no money, no gas for my car, no food, and no hope and by the time I closed my eyes that night I have some how had all of those things and many times more!  I have seen some horrible things and met some people who would hurt you if they can get away with it.  I have been hurt by some of those people. I have also met what I call Angels here on earth.  They are people like you and me.  They are not perfect but they were an Angel to me and have been to probably been to others.

I try to take nothing for granted anymore and am thankful for every little thing I get to enjoy.  I am still fighting and I believe that others need to know our story so they realize that we are in may ways, just like them.  I told my friend that I still cry every day but I smile too!

I hope you all have a good day and don't let anything break your spirit!