Thinking back I couldn't tell you how long it has been since I had my own apartment.  Maybe even as far back as 2008, when I lived back east - although I have rented rooms since then, I can't recall having actually had a place that is mine, completely mine, an actual standalone apartment with nobody sharing bathrooms and that sort of thing, since then.  Though I have had some decent roommates, it's really been a long haul.

By government standards, I have been actually homeless (I lived in a hostel/backpacker's inn) since June.  By official standards, as in I have had no place else to go, I have lived in a homeless shelter since January 5.

I thought I had friends I could count on.  In all that time, not one person has so much as asked how I'm doing.  My "best friend" told me to get out of her life, and my father promised help and then changed his mind and told me I was on my own.  The only person who stuck up for me was a complete stranger in the shelter, when someone turned around in a lineup and started yelling at me.  I have never felt so abandoned and alone in my entire life, even though the facility where I'm staying has supportive staff, 3 meals a day and a snack at night, and I have not had to sleep outside, this is rock bottom like I have never seen it before.

I am not a junkie.  I do not have addiction issues.  Yes, there are two sides to every story, but I try hard to be a good person.  I'm not argumentative, I don't go around picking fights.  I try to be there when my "friends" (I now use the term very loosely since none of them has returned the favor) need me in any way I can.  I drink a little, socially, when I can afford it - not when I can't.  The only reason I am not working right now is that I have a mental illness, depression and anxiety, and a low thyroid, which affects my energy on a daily basis and is the reason I cannot work.  I have income, from welfare, and am working on getting disability, but it's slow going.  But the going rate for a 1 br apartment here is anywhere from 900-1300 per month.  Even when working full time, at minimum wage I would be struggling to make that work with utilities on top of  that, and with my energy issues right now working full time is impossible.  

I guess the question I have for all of you is, how do you pick up the pieces when you've watched everyone you love turn away from you, and for no valid reason except that they cannot be supportive when the chips are down, when you have lost everything and the only things you own in the world fit into a backpack?