Look for social services agencies where you live, religious
charities, pastoral counseling (don't have to be religious or their
religion). Temp agencies for work. Hope one of these suggestions
work.

Thank you. Where ever I end up, I will do this. I'm wondering is it better to be homeless in a small town or a city. I always thought cities had more services but I'd rather be in the country somewhere.

All I can say is that I cannot believe your parents lived that long. I am hoping my father dies soon so I can have a little more money. he is a narcissist and the reason for my homelessness. Your mother and father are 89 and 92!!! You made my depression worse but I know my father will not live that long because he is demented and had a MASSIVE heart attack in 2016 and I know that he will only last another 3 years which brings me great comfort. I am MUCH younger than you and I went NO CONTACT which is the only solution to Narcissists. I Respect myself first.

I am feeling so unbelievably stressed about my homelessness I have had diarrhea for the past 2 weeks. I have somewhere to stay but it is not an apartment or a home of my own and it has been like this for months.. But you are exhausted from the narcissist's games your whole life. You need to read about narcissistic abuse and get away from the abuser, there are rooms for rent for much less than $500. in the middle of the hills of west Virginia, Pennsylvania, Indiana Missouri ad nauseum,( rural Maine and New Hampshire too). no one there has any money. research "poorest areas of the United States" then pick one and go there. New Mexico is not a Poor state. the Southern states and rural New Hampshire and Maine as well as some small town Midwestern states are A LOT cheaper.
I can try going somewhere however I need to save for the deposit for the apartment.

it is clear to me by your tone that you could easily qualify for social security. At least you will be eligible for retirement in 4 years and then you will receive something which will enable you to live. I hope this helped.

Thank you for your support and suggestions, beautifulmoth!

I'm sorry my story has made you feel more depressed. I can understand why. It seems that you father has had some health issues for some time so it's likely that he won't live much longer and it's good that you are younger than I because maybe you will have a chance at a better life soon. I certainly hope so.

Yes, it has been a very long road dealing with a narcissist. The sad thing is at the age of 58, I am just understanding the affects it has had on me so now I am trying to work on healing and reading books about it and watching videos. All this time I thought everything was my fault, that I was the big screw up. I believed everything my parents told me. and then I go back for more torture because it's a toss up between being homeless or living with them. They know they have control over me because they are the ones with the money. When I threatened to leave, my mom said.....Where are you going to go? And had a smirk on her face......like ha ha. You have no where to go. You are under my control. Honestly, I believe that evil lives for a very long time unfortunately so don't even expect to receive any kind of inheritance, like I used to believe and if I do, it will be too late for me.

They will use up all their money in the medical system. My mom has been to the emergency room about 5 times within the last 2 months and then she had all these different home care people coming to the house. My dad has been in and out of the hospital and also has nurses that come to the home. So yes, it will eat away all the money. The system will keep them alive as long as it is making money off of them. They refuse to leave their home and I'm guessing that it will be destroyed since they have forgotten to turn of the stove and left the water running a couple of times. One time flooding the bathroom and part of the bedroom.

I'm sorry that you are feeling ill right now. I hope you get better soon. Can't imagine being sick and homeless and no where to really go for help or even just a comfortable bed to lie on.

Thank you for your suggestions on where to go. I live in Arizona and have 1 more year to go on my car lease so thought I would stay within the state. I have come across some campsites that seem fairly cheap so I am planning on living in my car and camping. There is one campground called Coyote Howls, close to Ajo,AZ. Of course it is all just dirt/desert but they have restrooms, showers, laundry and I think they even have a place for internet. They charge $550 for the entire year. Of course in the summers it would be too hot but even then, if I could stay 5 or 6 months then that would average out to be about $100 per month. There is also a place called Quartzite and Ehrenberg.......both are in Az. They are even cheaper but have less to offer. They are good for people who have vans and RVs but not really good for people living in their cars although it appears that some stay there anyway. Apparently there are some amenities close by.

The other option, if I ever I can save any money or perhaps take out a cash advance on a credit card before it is maxed out, is to buy some land so I can just park my car on it. In Arizona there is cheap land. You can even find an acre for $1,000 but some have restrictions of course. You can buy even more land cheaper by the acre but of course money is hard to come by and I would have to make sure that if I was able to buy some land that I would be close to a major road and not way out in the middle of nowhere where my car could get stuck in the mud.

I want to leave the narcissist and never come back. I hope I can stick to it this time. I don't know how long I will last out there considering I've only gone camping a few times in my 20's. Also, really scared about the job thing because at my age and emotional problems, no one will hire me so I really need to find something online. Of course all that takes time.

I hope you can save for a deposit for an apartment if that is what you want. I have found a site and youtube channel called CheapRVLiving.com. Believe it or not there are people who give up everything to live in their Rv's or Vans all year round because they like to travel around the U.S. and they can save a lot of money. Some people work online and others take seasonal jobs in Wyoming and Montana and other places. I hope next summer I can check it out. As for this year, I am planning on leaving in October when the weather is cooler in Arizona. I will probably end up at Coyote Howls.

Peace to you. I hope things change for the better for you very soon. And thanks for your concern. Hang in there.

Hi Hummingbird1960,

I just found this site a few minutes ago, and have no answers to offer at this time (I am sure you have considered just about everything!), but because I think I understand so well what you're going through I wanted to let you know how much I relate to your situation and feel for you.

I am a similar-aged female and have considered so many of the things you are seeking and considering and contemplating. My own history entails far too much to go into right now, but long before I was even in this situation I believed there must be quite a number of people in a similar life situation. I have also worked most of my life, but due to various factors that arose and upset my plans, I find myself at this age without the long-fought-for security that I had sought since I bought my first house at age 24.


My own father, the poster child for narcissism, recently passed away after many years on kidney dialysis, after a lifetime of being concerned with only himself. I tried for a long time to have a relationship with him to no avail, but I had long since come to terms with that situation and how he was. I saw how he almost never worked and how he got everything from his mother and then squandered it, but I believe I am happier having worked throughout my life, even being on the cusp of homelessness, I tend to, (on the better days) look at my life - so different from how I had tried to plan it and had imagined it - as an adventure. I can view it (again, on the better days) with humor. I am grateful for the diversity in my life from situational changes, but also feel scared and hopeless. Throughout the years I have imagined projects that address this situation we are in: Where can people go to have a secure place of their own when their resources, both financial and physical, are limited? Maybe we can help come up with some kind of answer. I have some ideas, but when we are faced with the realities of imminent homelessness, or housing that will drain our limited resources, it is difficult to look beyond our immediate fears and needs.

I am a U.S. citizen but currently live in the UK. Last year I started a position in sort of a social services capacity which only pays the base rent on an apartment that I am required to live in for the position. I still am responsible for all the other housing costs, but the demands of the job are such that I have no time or energy to find additional work so that I can pay all my other bills. I help vulnerable people in the community with basically everything they require help and support for, and it is extremely challenging and draining, but to quit it is to lose the place I call home right now. Recognizing the damage that is being done to my own well-being, emotional and financial, I know I have to quit. I have been searching online for low-cost rent or housing of any kind almost anywhere. I have also looked into campgrounds and the like, although I do not believe it is a reasonable solution for me here in the UK. I look for work that will not drain me like this work does, but I have been a victim of age discrimination and have also lost much of the confidence I always had about finding work, plus I do believe I have more limitations at this juncture. Maybe one thing I can do is focus more on what I can still do than those limitations (but I am just trying to face the obvious:).

Anyway, I hope it helps at least to know that you are not alone in being in a predicament like this. I hope you post again and tell us how things are going, and if any inspiration comes to me that may in any way be helpful, I will share it.

Wishing you happiness, peace and solutions

Hi Philamisa,

Thank you for sharing your story. There seems to be a lot of us that grew up with narcissist parents and I don't think the majority of people understand the damage they do to their children. I'm sorry you had to live with a narcissist also. It's probably best that you did not have a relationship with your father later in life. I've been trying to break the ties with my narcissist mom but my financial situation has kept me here but now I have to leave. We'll see what the world has to offer. It's interesting how your dad had everything handed to him also, just like my mom.

I was never happy working because I really needed to find my talent and work for myself but I was conditioned to get a job like everyone else in the world. Working for others and making them rich, never made me happy and there was always a bunch of drama in places I worked throughout my life. Then there was the paycheck that didn't provide much. Yes, and now at this age we find we are able to tolerate less and have less energy and on top of those things we face age discrimination.

So now I will sink or swim.
Many people say that no matter what, we must follow our passion and the money will come. Well I will be putting this idea to the test. I am going to try and stay on my path no matter what and do what I want to do without thinking about the money. I'm going to try and have faith in this process. Then I will see if the universe will provide.

I'm going to continue on with my Facebook page, Leaving the Matrix. And I am going to make videos for a youtube channel I created. For the last 20 years I have read and researched about why our world is crumbling and now that I know why, I want to share that with people and will eventually speak to groups. So I am hoping to find people who want to listen at the campground. I'd like to travel spreading the message. For so many, speaking in front of a group is easy but for me it will be a major challenge since all my life I was taught not to speak, but to keep all thoughts and feelings to myself. I had to keep everything inside. That was the lesson from the narcissist and the enabler. Along with talking about what is going on in our world today, I want to find some solutions. Maybe start a non-profit, raise money and purchase some land where people can live cheaply, possibly off-grid.

So I see more and more of us becoming homeless as time goes on and I'm feeling that's the sign of the times and possibly a wake up call as to how we have been living and how we should be living and being aware of the evil systems that are running and controlling the world. So I am going to look at my homelessness as more of an adventure. I have to have a positive attitude but of course there are times where I feel panic and anxiety. And as you said sometimes when we are in that state, it is hard to see solutions.

I would love to hear your ideas. Also, going back to our passion. What is it that you love to do? Maybe there is some income you can produce for yourself from any of your talents? Many of us have put our talents and passions on hold for a job, but jobs only produce enough income to pay the bills and sometimes not even that. The job you have now does sound stressful and draining. If you are feeling like you must quit then you should. Please keep in touch and let me know how everything works out for you. I hope you're able to find a place with low rent.

At this point in time I am looking forward to going to the campground in October so I will let you know how it goes. I know at first it will be quite a shock but I have to make myself stick it out. I look at it as my soul adventure.

I send you much love, light, positive energy and peace on your journey.

Hi Hummingbird1960,

I was so happy this morning (yes, it's morning where I live:) to see that you'd replied. I'd like to clarify that I also need to 'not' have a normal job. I am only truly happy when I see glimpses of the possibility not to be confined by regular employment but instead stay true to my own passions and talents. The small point I was making about having been happier working (although I was definitely not happy in most of my jobs) was that I was more comfortable having not relied on others (for the most part) to have survived financially. I have survived creatively at times, and have recently run my own small business (a small cafe in a rural but touristed area) for almost 7 years, but I learned that instead of having 1 or 2 bosses to answer to, you have the whole public to answer to and keep happy. I hope I largely succeeded at that; I fostered a very informal atmosphere and wanted people to feel kind of like they were at home away from home when they came, but it was still hard work dealing with some people. I would happily share my passion and ideas with you, although that would be difficult right now - I will say they largely have to do with accommodation (housing) (plus some other less tangible things like honesty and integrity and empathy). (I have a report to write for work before appointments start, and then I have a letter of resignation to write:) I'd be far happier to just walk away, but my role pretty much requires a minimum of 4 weeks notice. ( I keep trying to think of a way around that because I don't think I can stand 4 more weeks.)
I hope you will check in again. It seems positive that you are looking forward to your adventure in October.

I have been homeless for a while now. I gave been in country/rural areas and city areas. Both have their challenges but I would say if you don't know how to live off the land being in a populated area with good public transportation is your more desired local. When you are out in a rural or country area everything is very spread out and that means that you have to have your own transportation in most cases and that means gas and maintenance. I sleep in my car at a truck stop (not all will let you, you have to scope it out and call ahead and make sure overnight parking and sleeping in your vehicle is allowed) or in the parking lot of a 24 hour store like a Walmart. But again you should kind of check it out first and make sure you park kind of far from an entrance. If you can go to a shelter many of them have parking overnight for your vehicle as long as you have current registration and insurance on your vehicle. You have to know that some shelters will not let you come back for upwards of 30 days if you don't spend every night with them until you either "graduate" from their program or find a place to live. There is a lot of research needed and a lot of asking questions to figure out what's out there to help you. Use places like your local libraries where you can usually use the computers for free, charge your phone while you're there and escape from the weather. Don't give up! I cannot! My other option is not one I'm willing to face yet.

Hi Philamisa,
You are amazing, truly. From what I understand, the restaurant business is the hardest business to keep going and 7 years is a long time. What you were doing was very hard work but you have a lot of experience and maybe you could put your experience towards another business but one that is less demanding.

You mentioned accommodation/housing so I'm thinking that would be something like a bed and breakfast? There are many people who have vacation rentals all over the world and it seems to be a good source of income, plus it pays for the mortgage. Maybe you could get a loan. Maybe someone could sign for you or you could find a partner/investor. Your experience with your previous business should help. It's worth a try.

I hope you can find a way around the 4 week wait. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of stress. Good luck. Take care.

Oh and be careful many places have ordinances where if you are caught sleeping in your car you can be fined or even arrested.

Thanks so much for the info, ZinniasQuest. It's crazy what we have to do just to be able to sleep in our vehicles. Now I'm seeing a need for a very cheap place to park across the country and maybe some restrooms and showers. It's a pain to keep moving around as some people do. I think that would drive me crazy after awhile.

The place I have chosen to go is a long-term campground, and is very rural so I don't know how long I'll stay there. It is suppose to have wifi, showers and a laundromat.

Hi again Hummingbird1960,

Thought I would let you know that I submitted my resignation yesterday. It feels right that I did that because the demands and nature of the role seem to obliterate the possibility of any real quality of life for me, even though I now definitely face the possibility of homelessness. I am simultaneously feeling peace, regret that I didn't give the role up months ago, and nervousness about how the uncertainty of almost everything going forward.

I know at the minute I am in a better place than many, but I see from the posts and my own experiences that many are just tenuously housed - things can change for so many of us at almost any time. My boss expressed regret several times that I am leaving (but part of this may be because my hard work enables her to pull in a good paycheck - she frequently puts it on me to do difficult [but unpaid] things that I think she should more rightly address). I expressed to her some months back my interest in the subject of homelessness and she said yesterday she was going to do some checking to see if there are any positions available at shelters to work - (she used to manage a shelter). It's kind of strange, because I might just as easily be needing a place to sleep in one in a few weeks:)

My joining this site has renewed my desire to contribute in some way to homelessness/housing solutions. I had a quick flash of one new idea this morning, but it needs to be refined before sharing, I think.


Take care -

Hi Philamisa,

I'm glad you feel at peace with your decision. So many of us can follow your example of going with what feels right but a lot of us live in fear and it seems that fear just makes things worse.

Wow, it sounds like your boss was taking advantage of you.

I agree that many are so close to being homeless and just barely holding on.

I hope you can find a position at a homeless shelter. Let me know how that goes. In the past I have thought of doing the same thing but live in a small town where shelters don't exist. Also where I am going in October is much smaller.

That's great that you are having some creative thoughts. I'm excited to hear when you're ready to share.

Hang in there.

Thanks hummingbird1960, I really appreciate your supportive words.