HOCD Support Community Group
A place to support one-another through HOCD.
So this is going to be another essay but I gotta do something.
I can't just pretending like this isn't happening because it isn't helping at all. I am going out of my head. I am being told constantly by my head that this is a big lie and actually I am a lesbian even though I don't want to be in my hart. My head is so powerful these days I can't even here my heart and I need you to tell me this is normal.
Sometimes I think: if i come out will it be better? Something tells me it wouldn't though; i don't want a relationship with a girl. Nobody understands and this false act I have isn't helping. I am utterly confused and I am losing my friends.
I know what I want. I want a boyfriend who loves me to laugh with because I am so frightened. Ocd is always in the way. It's not just a fear I am gay, it's a fear I want to be gay. Do I? Is this all just denial? I don't know what to do our how to get help.
I need a friend and I know you don't know me but you help me so much. This is always the first thing I think of in the morning and everyday I feel more alone and more helpless to this disease. I want a diagnosis now and I am sick of living my life like this.
I can't just pretending like this isn't happening because it isn't helping at all. I am going out of my head. I am being told constantly by my head that this is a big lie and actually I am a lesbian even though I don't want to be in my hart. My head is so powerful these days I can't even here my heart and I need you to tell me this is normal.
Sometimes I think: if i come out will it be better? Something tells me it wouldn't though; i don't want a relationship with a girl. Nobody understands and this false act I have isn't helping. I am utterly confused and I am losing my friends.
I know what I want. I want a boyfriend who loves me to laugh with because I am so frightened. Ocd is always in the way. It's not just a fear I am gay, it's a fear I want to be gay. Do I? Is this all just denial? I don't know what to do our how to get help.
I need a friend and I know you don't know me but you help me so much. This is always the first thing I think of in the morning and everyday I feel more alone and more helpless to this disease. I want a diagnosis now and I am sick of living my life like this.
I understand how hard it is dezza13, I myself am going through that exact same thing, I have a boyfriend, which makes it worse because I'm afraid that I'm going to lose him if i'm a lesbian and my life will be over, which people my find a bit extreme but thats what i really feel about it, and Its not like i'm homophobic, thats just the way it is.
The only advice I can give you is -
> Remember when your having a "spike" its the OCD talking.
> When there is a spike try your best to occupy yourself, instead of think to much on it, I would sit and try to find an answer why I was thinking like this for hours and I would be going in a circle and making it worse for my self, so now I just start walking around, singing or begin to talk to someone which gives me a certain amount of control over it.
>Go and see a professional, you WILL NOT be able to get rid of this yourself, you will probably have to go to a CBT therapist who will teach you ways on how to control this disturbing thoughts.
Here are some sights to look at, if your confused....
http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay
http://www.neuroticplanet.com/hocd
If you ever need to talk, i'm here for you. I know its very annoying and confusing but you'll get through it, just never give up.
♥