This is typical HOCD. If you have always been interested the opposite sex and not the same sex, then you are a heterosexual and nothing can ever change that. You started to suffer from HOCD because you had an obsessive fear based thought about sexual orientation. What you need to realize is that HOCD is built around irrationality and fear based thoughts that plague you, and HOCD only becomes more persistant and stronger because you tend to worry or fight the thoughts. Basically I'm saying that the more you obsess about HOCD and these thoughts that your having, the harder it will be to overcome HOCD. Do this, adopt an attitude of accepting your fears and worries as irrational thoughts instead of fighting them or obsessing about them. This is really hard to do at first, but keep doing it and your thoughts should start to become less persistant. This should be a good start to help you get your thoughts under control. You should really work on becoming much more relaxed as well. Fear and stress is what brought HOCD upon you, so reducing your stress will very helpful in overcoming HOCD. Start by doing breathing exercises when you become worried and anxious. Meditation yoga, and working out are great ways to reduce your stress. Eat healthy nutritious foods because healthy dietary habits regulate your serotonin levels. Serotonin is a mood regulator, too little or too much serotonin can exacerbate OCD symptoms. Your best option to overcome HOCD though is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT for short. Go see a CBT therapist if you can and do the therapy. This will be your best chance of beating HOCD. If you can't find a therapist, look into checking out a self-help book called "STOP OBSESSING! How to overcome your Obsessions and Compulsions". This book really helped me out when I was dealing with HOCD. If your HOCD causes you to check by looking at the same-sex to see if you like them or find anything sexually stimulating about them, or if your checking involves masturbating, THEN STOP DOING THAT! Again, these checking rituals only strengthen HOCD. No masturbating, no checking, nothing sexual until you have completely overcome HOCD. That means no sexual intercourse or dating. There's no way you can have a meaningful relationship or sex until you've overcome this. Whew! Sorry for the long article, but I hope this will help you out. I got most of this information from my therapist, books and other HOCD forums and articles on the internet. I suggest you check these out, especially "psychforums" website. Very helpful website. I probably won't respond to any more comments so I apologize in advance. Good luck on your journey and never give up.

Peace.

I am a 24 year old woman. I need to know for sure what this is because its ruining my life. I have been in a relationship for about eight years now with a man. The thought of not ending up with him really hurts. We've had our issues but i feel so happy when i'm with him. I never ever doubted my sexual orientation, in fact I have always dreamt of falling in love and getting married to a man. I've always enjoyed the thought of and actually being intimate with my boyfriend. Three months ago I had a sudden thought, what if i become gay later on in life? I clearly remember that i felt paralysed that night, I kept picturing myself with a woman and it disgusted me, my heart beat faster, my stomach churned, i couldn't breathe, my body felt tight, i shivered and really wanted to throw up. Those thoughts disappeared for a while and then there was another spike a few weeks later, confused and anxious, i started to analyse my past. Now i went to an all girls school and when i was in sixth grade, there was a tenth grade girl that i looked up to, who essentially looked like a complete guy. It was so long ago that i can't recall properly but i did want her to become my sister in law or something. The point is that i never wanted to be in a relationship with her or wanted anything romantic or sexual with her like i did with guys. The issue is that my mind has now become fixated with interpreting what that was. Something that i never even thought about or paid any attention to for years has now become the bane of my life. So my fear has turned from I might become gay to I just might be gay. I can't be around women anymore, even if i like a woman's dress, her hair or think that she's pretty, my mind just assumes is an indication of my true sexual preference. I have to check and keep checking what it would be like being with a woman and it makes me shiver and want to throw up. I don't feel like its natural and it doesn't make me as happy and satisfied as i do thinking about the opposite sex but my brain won't register it or believe it. I feel depressed all the time, i have a void sensation in my chest throughout the day. I don't want to go out, I just want to know for sure what I really am. i'm sick of having panic attacks every where, sometimes right in the middle of crossing a street and having to stop completely and process them fully. Its ruining my life and also making me question my love and attraction for my boyfriend. Also in the past, i have had other fears and obsessions like weight and being feminine enough. I also have a history of bad anxiety and checking things like locks, taps, switches etc again and again. Its as if my brain can't sometimes register what the truth really is. The sad part is that my mind somewhere knows that these thoughts are illogical, that i am feminine and good looking enough, that i am emotionally and physically attracted to men, that the door is locked, that there is nothing waiting to attack me in a dark room or under water but yet the illogical fears still seem so much more real. I can't even walk down the street without getting mini panic attacks and feeling depressed, its like my mind is solely focused on noticing women and getting scared. Can't think of anything else except what my true orientation is although my mind is never satisfied with any explanation. Is this denial or HOCD?