Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
Hello all,
I just recently discovered this group. As I stated in the subject line, I have been worried the past year or so that the more hurtful experiences that I've had, (and the older I'm getting-I'm now 42), the more hurtful people's blunt comments have become as I've been going through a very tough time for year now. My personality is changing. I am becoming more withdrawn and introverted. I used to consider myself an ambivert and was (can still be, but much more selectively so these days) very outgoing, talkative and social.
I have always strived not to see myself as a victim or controlled by my circumstances, but I have really come to believe/understand the phrase "When in Rome, do as the Romans do", meaning that there is no denying that our environment effects us.
I've developed a paranoia that everyone thinks I'm weird. Up until my late 20's when I moved from ecclectic Seattle to conservative, think-inside-the-box Virginia, I used to pride myself on being different - almost arrogant. But ever since I moved here about 15 years ago I felt an immediate change in the way that others reacted to what I said and how I looked. It took me years to figure out that I lost immediate social rank when I changed subcultures/geographic locations. People used to find what I had to say interesting and were impressed by the new and innovative things I'm doing. Now, after 15 yrs here I've been beaten down so much and allowed the subculture that surrounds me, that I don't like, to change me and I'm angry. I was addicted to self-help books for over 20 yrs but gave them up a couple of years ago - I'm tired of people and books telling me that I have the power to change how I feel and that circumstances/environment shouldn't effect me, which is incredibly ridiculous when you recognize that that's how each of us learns the language of the culture that we are raised in, by hearing and being influenced by what we are hearing. Our environment DOES effect us and I'm tired of being ashamed that I can't just change from will power and all the techniques, therapy, groups, meds, etc. that I've tried.
I guess it's time to embrace/come to a better understanding of what it means to be an HSP. Hopefully someday I can meet some local HSPs to meet in person, since that's how I relate best with people.
Lately I have become very emotionally stable and have become hypersensitive to that others see me as weird in the workplace, my social groups, and family members. I have never in my life cared so much about what people think about me, and all I can do to manage it is to spend as much time as possible by myself.
I have been resistant to learning more about being an HSP b/c, being raised by a mother who loves me very much but has an entirely different personality (and who has been living with me the past few years, which reinforces early trauma and invalidation), it has become engrained in my brain that being sensitive is a bad thing and I've tried so very hard to toughen up.
I am new to the group and haven't read anything yet, but any feedback or support anyone can give me, would be very much appreciated. I have many family members and friends who love and care about me, but they don't understand me and they insult and shame me with their advice so I've been closing myself off from them. To become increasingly closed off doesn't feel right for me, because I am someone with high social needs (as long as it is with people who accept me, which I have been able to selectively find over the years).
Thank you to whoever responds to this.
Hugs,
V
I just recently discovered this group. As I stated in the subject line, I have been worried the past year or so that the more hurtful experiences that I've had, (and the older I'm getting-I'm now 42), the more hurtful people's blunt comments have become as I've been going through a very tough time for year now. My personality is changing. I am becoming more withdrawn and introverted. I used to consider myself an ambivert and was (can still be, but much more selectively so these days) very outgoing, talkative and social.
I have always strived not to see myself as a victim or controlled by my circumstances, but I have really come to believe/understand the phrase "When in Rome, do as the Romans do", meaning that there is no denying that our environment effects us.
I've developed a paranoia that everyone thinks I'm weird. Up until my late 20's when I moved from ecclectic Seattle to conservative, think-inside-the-box Virginia, I used to pride myself on being different - almost arrogant. But ever since I moved here about 15 years ago I felt an immediate change in the way that others reacted to what I said and how I looked. It took me years to figure out that I lost immediate social rank when I changed subcultures/geographic locations. People used to find what I had to say interesting and were impressed by the new and innovative things I'm doing. Now, after 15 yrs here I've been beaten down so much and allowed the subculture that surrounds me, that I don't like, to change me and I'm angry. I was addicted to self-help books for over 20 yrs but gave them up a couple of years ago - I'm tired of people and books telling me that I have the power to change how I feel and that circumstances/environment shouldn't effect me, which is incredibly ridiculous when you recognize that that's how each of us learns the language of the culture that we are raised in, by hearing and being influenced by what we are hearing. Our environment DOES effect us and I'm tired of being ashamed that I can't just change from will power and all the techniques, therapy, groups, meds, etc. that I've tried.
I guess it's time to embrace/come to a better understanding of what it means to be an HSP. Hopefully someday I can meet some local HSPs to meet in person, since that's how I relate best with people.
Lately I have become very emotionally stable and have become hypersensitive to that others see me as weird in the workplace, my social groups, and family members. I have never in my life cared so much about what people think about me, and all I can do to manage it is to spend as much time as possible by myself.
I have been resistant to learning more about being an HSP b/c, being raised by a mother who loves me very much but has an entirely different personality (and who has been living with me the past few years, which reinforces early trauma and invalidation), it has become engrained in my brain that being sensitive is a bad thing and I've tried so very hard to toughen up.
I am new to the group and haven't read anything yet, but any feedback or support anyone can give me, would be very much appreciated. I have many family members and friends who love and care about me, but they don't understand me and they insult and shame me with their advice so I've been closing myself off from them. To become increasingly closed off doesn't feel right for me, because I am someone with high social needs (as long as it is with people who accept me, which I have been able to selectively find over the years).
Thank you to whoever responds to this.
Hugs,
V
And it can get to be a real vicious cycle if people think you are odd because they are not open enough to consider a sensitive type, then you get wary of them, which makes them think you are odd because they figure they cannot relate to you, etc etc
Mostly also, it just sucks that there exists such, often unsaid, pressure to be extroverted... Almost like a lot of people have this prejudice that people who do not speak up cannot be trusted. It is a kind of paranoia even.
Ironically perhaps this prejudice towards introversion is in a way a form of social anxiety in it self.
Since both seem somewhat judgmental and fearful about fitting in.
Maybe a lot of issues are created from nothing and maybe worrying about fitting in (even whilst it is understandable) is something a person should simply take for granted that they are totally acceptable as a person; or, that an inclusive attitude makes good social ties for all, while one that is about excluding people or picking on "oddness" is a fearful approach, that creates "oddness" where there is in fact simple natural variation.
I heard it said that nature is VERY comfortable with variation and that it is just society that creates issues about what is 'normal' and what isn't.
....I guess what I am trying to say is that you may have been bumped off the track, and may be getting people thinking you are 'odd' because you are worrying about it. I think some people can be quite unthinking and reactive; some show more thought when assessing someone.
You probably just need enough of a dose of good experience, to then get things moving in the right direction again, and to get reminded of who you actually are.
Maybe also, when you were younger you told the world who you are, whereas now you are waiting to hear what the world thinks.
The more confidence about being introverted a person gets the better.
There is a saying 'if you don't like something, change it'. You have been thoughtful and perceptive and figured out it is the people who are bothering and upsetting you. That is not your fault, you cannot control them.
However. You can control some things. Is there any way you could move back to Seattle, or somewhere else where you would feel happy? It will be tough to uproot but it would be worth it if you are happier somewhere else.
If you cannot move, another thing you could change is your reaction to them. Realize it is their own issues causing them to act and react, nothing to do with you.
But at the end of the day, if you remain within this subculture and allow it to get you down, you will remain unhappy. In order to improve you need to change something.
That said, I have found a group of like-minded people. We are not weird. We are a minority. And just like any other minority, we are different from the majority with different strengths and weaknesses, but that doesn't mean we are strange or wrong.
You hit the nail on the head - our environment does influence and impact us. We need to find "our people" and once we do it makes all the difference in the world. When I can be around "my people" - which I do a couple times each week - we GET each other. We share intense discussions on topics that are off the beaten path (I mean, really, how long can you discuss the weather, sports or the latest concert?). None of us like to go out much, don't like crowds, have a ba-zillion food allergies and have various physical/anxiety issues that make the extroverted life difficult.
And we all hear the same things from doctors, friends and family - "It's all in your head" or "You're so intense, lighten up" or "You're so over-sensitive."
But within that group, we feel normal, accepted, loved and valued. And that's important because out in the "normal" world we don't feel we fit in.
I truly hope you can find a place where you feel all these things. The "nerd" subculture has been a god-send for me so looking at meetups around nerdy activities can be a good place to start.
I would just say, don't shut yourself off completely from people who could be supportive of you. I find that if I tell people I like them but I need time to myself, and if they understand that, they're good candidates for that circle of supportive friends.