Well, I don't usually advocate lying, but you may have to tell him you are seeing someone at the present time and that sometimes the things he says make you feel uncomfortable. Then go on to tell him you don't dislike him or anything, you just don't want him to believe there would be a relationship in the future.....that you wanted to be fair with him. Something in that line. Good luck, that's awful to have to be concerned with at work.

hi Beckeroo, yea it;s pretty awful...yeah i think next time he acts weird or something like that I will gather the courage to tell him that. One thing more, it is because I am new, I am being the center of interest maybe but over time, this will surely dies out, well I hope so... If I cannot say this, I guess I will ask his friends with whom I am pretty much at ease or I am more used to by now, to convey the message. What do you think? This can be a good solution.
Thank you :)

In one of my debates with a guy work colleague this was brought up..he said theres nothing worse than a clingy female..so you could text him lots of times..ask him to help you constantly...dont let him breathe and bingo he will be gone like a cloud of dust

or LOL now you could say something like.oh youve got to come round..I have a bottom drawer of mens clothers and I so been looking for a guy like you for ages see if one of the items fits..hes going to think youre a real nutter and RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN...or take him out shopping one lunchtime and bore him stupid..or ask him would he like to join you on an evening in something that hes going to find so boring..

heheee..jokeyj..lol... funny ideas..but won't i be ridiculed and demean myself, lol...that too before his other friends since i am new and he was there some years before me... but i understand that i need to distance myself which i am actually doing...but sometimes, u know how guys are, they know exactly what to say to get you in their trap, lol ;) and i do not want to be trapped... well, if he continues to go on like this, your ideas will surely be useful, ;) heheee... thank you :D

If it was me, I would tell him I am bi polar... that usually runs people off pretty fast...

It depends specifically what he is doing. But then again, whatever it is is making you uncomfortable. I would report it. If you are in a trade union go through them. If not follow your employer's procedure for complaints and whistleblowing. It is sexual harassment and you shpuldn't have to feel vulnerable in your workplace.

it did cross my mind and you are right you dont want to seem like a nut in front of the others but the laugh was there..Im sure its because you are the new girl and he will leave you alone..Id only worry if he asks to take you home to meet his parents then he has got the hots for you..and yes guys can do the funniest lines one of my favourtie ones I got..even in my dreams youd say no...or I gave a male a hug and he said do you smoke I said no I will take her she does..males can be funny ..

Just casually drop it into the conversation that you are seeing somebody. Dont cause too much upset in a new job. You need to work out the politics of a place first. If he might be in a senior position then its not a good idea to annoy him but if he is still weird a few weeks down the line -seek advice from a colleague you trust. See how the next few weeks go. Just keep mentioning your boyfriend and he will eventually take the hint.

I don't think it is a question of "annoying him" - what about poor Dreamyhope who is the victim here? Why aren't her feelings taken into account? Why is he the important one? I can bet Dreamy isn't the first this has happened to. This man sounds nasty and it is sexual harassment. Nobody should feel vulnerable or uncomfortable in their workplace and there are laws to stop it happening. If he is management he should not abuse that power, that is even more reason to stop him. If he is management it is shocking to me because he has selected the shyest, newest female employee to harass.

I think it would be a bad idea to joke along with him or invent some lie about a boyfriend, he could then say you must have been comfortable and happy with it as you went along with it and never said no or told him to stop. Just say politely, please stop you are making me uncomfortable. Repeat this every time it happens. If he is genuinely trying to be funny he should stop at that point. If he continues despite you telling him that, look into how to report him.

I am stunned that so many of you feel it is fine to make someone unhappy in their workplace and the most important priority is not to "annoy" the bully rather than to protect the victim.

I am with Lizzie here. Although the responses are entertaining lying and waffling could be a slippery slope. I would answer his questions directly. I'm sorry I think you are a nice guy but I have a lot on my plate right now and dating someone in the office is not something I feel comfortable with. If the advances are more indirect politely set boundaries, "I really need to concentrate on my work right now so I can't really chat.". Honesty is the best policy. If he does not respond to this you will need to follow your companies policy on harassment, it also is a good idea to document the date of advances and your statements. That way if he does not listen and you have to report you have proof that you have communicated your discomfort. If it ever gets physical go straight to the top! The first thing they also ask you when you report something is if you have asked him to stop. If you dont feel comfortable telling him these things on your own you can have a meeting with him and your boss. I know you don't want trouble but if niceties don't give him the hint it could get worse and if he is ranked above you, that is very much harassment. Good luck to you and you can message me if you need to.

I dont think he was described as a bully. I think the word Bully is bandied about too easily. I dont think there is intimidation involved. Sometimes people dont realise their behaviour is perceived negatively unless informed so. I expressed an opinion-take it or leave it!

I did say if the behaviour persisted then to take advice. Advising people to make claims of sexual harassment is not always a good idea. Firstly she is new in the job . Secondly no matter how much law there is or justice on your side-the law does not always protect a person. The less confrontational approach a person can take in diffusing a situation the better for all involved. Failing that make a claim but its pretty easy to suggest that when you are on an internet forum. Having been involved in Industrial relations conflicts--justice does not always prevail.

Sorry Flash, I hope I didn't offend you or discount you with my response. That was not my intention. It is true that we don't know the extent of the behavior. My comments or some similar version of it (they were examples). It is important to be polite but direct I think. This is why I think this. If he is just a nice flirtatious guy and she gives him and she politely gives him a clear response. His feelings aren't hurt and he knows where he stands. If she is too indirect and his advances get worse because he didn't get the message then things might get messy. I don't think I advised going to her boss right away, only if things got much worse. Noone has to know about the documentation she takes on her own, that would just be a precaution. One thing though. The combination oh him being above her in "rank" and advancing on her can be intimidating in itself. My hope is that she find a lighthearted direct way to get her point across and he listens.

i didnt take offence from any comments nor do i hope did anyone take them from me. Just have some experience of dispute resolution and once you go down that route it can unintended consequences. Best to resolve it if you can without resort to legal procedures but i would never imply that behaviour like this should be tolerated forever and sometimes a formal complaint is necessary.

Im very cautious in work. Even if a woman has a nice coat i would only say so if I knew her well. Unfortunately many parents raise their offspring so poorly they see fit to say what they like to female staff and make insinuations to male staff but all excused it seems because they are "teenagers" !

I didnt think you said she she should complain jupiter-Im talking in general terms to us all.