The first thing that crossed my mind is that it sounds like the person wants some one to grind their axe on ... so to speak . Being nice can be an excellent way of warding off some ones anger and negative manner.

Asides from this ... the comments directed at you about you and another person in terms of this persons preference ... It is inappropriate and not considerate or even RUDE to talk about that kind of stuff. That is stuff ya tell a buddy not the conbfront the person with your preference ... the person is criticizing and comparing (lame)... What an AZZ! That person would be checked off my list of folks worth greeting.

the answer to your quesiton in short ... what is "too nice" ,,, is a way of putting you down. One way or another it is negative .. him telling you this is inappropriate.

Saying you are too nice means for me: Be careful, people will manipulate you.

In a professional way, if you are too nice you are burned ! It means you lost all authority on your coworker.

In the way you describe it, I think being too nice means you are not yourself, you don't give enough your opinion, you don't say no or be angry when you should.

Being nice is not a bad thing to my mind, but always be yourself before being nice if you are "too nice".

Interestingly, two people who said this to me are both in the military.

the military values power over and control .... not mutuality .

I take the 'too nice' comment in a different way. I was raised to be that way. But, alternately, I know when to just stick up for myself.

I think it bothers people that people can be nice, when maybe they want to, but feel it's a wekaness.

My boyfriend constantly jokes me that "I'm too nice." But, then I hit that point, and it's all out there. He thinks it's admirable I can do that.

I don't think there's enough 'nice' people out there.

Stay who you are, as long as you're sticking up for yoursel.

I agree, julchr. People see being nice as a weakness, when, in actuality, it's a strength. It takes strength to remain kind and open- hearted in a difficult, sometimes cruel world. It takes strength to remain optimistic when others are jaded or pessimistic. I told the military guy that there are not enough "nice" people in the world and too many mean people. Why not try to make the world a better place?

And also, I think that sometimes people think that "nice" is something people have to be--for example-a woman should always be nice and sweet and not necessarily speak her mind. People see it as a condition imposed on us by society. But when I think of "nice," I simply think of someone who is genuine and does thinks from the heart. Of course we are all mean at some point. None of us are perfect, but I think the quality of genuineness and integrity account for being nice as well as an ability to feel compassion for others.

*things*

I dislike it when people call me nice. I always correct them. I don't like the expectation put on me because when I'm backed into a corner, I can be pretty cutting and lash out, it's exhausting for me but there it is. As for working with nice people, I love it! To me it means being courteous and compassionate to your fellow human beings. I could only dream of having a nice supervisor and coworkers.

I think certain people thrive on dissent and drama, I'm not one of those people.

His characterization of being too nice as some sort of handicap was some sort of attempt I think at his showing his superiority, the military, huh?

You think he may have ADD or ADHD?, may get bored easily or prefer people who are "rough around the edges" That makes me think that the perception of why of the being told you are too nice is a not nice manipulation of your confidence!

In one ear out the other on any more of this nonsense. Also that "needed a challenge" line drives me nuts! I've heard it as a put down, to the max.
You can be as nice as you want to which by the way is warm news and be with those who honor you and are in tune with your ideals, if possible-sounds like you have to work with this guy? keep a distance as much as possible I'd say.

If you say to someone "you are too nice", he does not care.

It means something for us, because we are overthinking the situation.

Maybe he wanted to be mean or manipulative, maybe he just told that like he could have said anything else, maybe that's the reason why he trust you saying that...

And yes, it would be easier if everyone was nice, but it is easy to say for us: we care about what other people can feel to what we say, so we are always polite and respectful because we are afraid to hurt someone's feelings. Moreover it is easier for us to be kind (as depressed), because our feelings are stronger.

When i am not ill, I arrive at work with a smile every mornig because I am just happy for nothing (and I will be depressed for nothing in the evening).

Someone which is not HSP does not care about being kind, he will just say whatever goes through his mind, without thinking ! And it is a huge difference, because for us, it is almost impossible to say something without thinking about it before.
So maybe he was mean but it was not his goal.

At the end, he does not care, and that's why non HSP people don't have our difficulties.

Thanks, everyone for your responses. I appreciate your input.

nor,

yes I do think I tend to over think things. Part of this could also be my obsessive nature, but maybe this is linked with being an HSP? Sometimes I think I can learn things from people who are less HS. At least it is something I am trying to take from my fiance's suggestions. He does not seem to care what other people think of him. I would like to find a way to do this as well as an HSP. I think it can come through practice where you get to a more confident place in yourself and you realize the value of being nice (as long as it's not to your own detriment). This way it won't matter so much what others say. If I would have been younger (in my early 20's) that comment would have drive me up the wall! But now, I realize, yes I am nice and I do not want to change it! As HSPs we will always have the tendency to be more offended or overthink things, but I think it can probably be changed if we work on it.

It is a HSP thing and it can't be changed but it can be managed.

You will always overthink in some situations, and you won't know why.
But, the only fact to think you are overthinking on the moment can help go through it.

I learn a lot of non HSP people, the problem is I can't act like them even if I try.

Recently, I have learned I shouldn't keep things for myself, you need to speak, I know things I will never say in my life and i know while growing up I have less and less dificulties to talk.

And here I am ! I would not be on this topic if I didn't tried to improve myself.
I also know I already worked a lot because I was HSP on the hard way.

I completely agree with you and everybody else : being nice is a strength really powerful. It means you are happy with youself and other people can't reproach you your behaviour. Maybe it is not the reality but it is what you show to other people.

Still be careful: It means you keep a lot for yourself.