Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
I have noticed that people assume a lot about you when you are quiet/introverted/sensitive, at least from my own experience. One thing that really annoys me is when I tell someone I don't know very well that something made me very angry. A response I often seem to get is: YOU were actually ANGRY? I can't imagine you being that way!" OOOh this makes me so angry! It's as if the person assumes you are one dimensional and you should only behave one way because this is how you often present.
Another thing I have noticed when one is quiet/introverted/sensitive is that people assume you are either: 1-weird, 2-snobby, or 3-un-enthusiastic/lacks energy. This has been my experience in some situations in my life at school or work. I think this happens because when someone is quieter, it is easier to project certain qualities onto them since they don't share much about themselves.
Also, the "nice guys finish last thing" is not only for guys. My experience is that in the United States, we live in a day and age where aggression appears to be more appreciated all around. In my past dating life I have noticed this. I felt like most of my past boyfriends and guys I had dated preferred more aggressive women--especially in the bedroom. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself a feminist and I don't mean to insult anyone, but I feel like the sexual revolution made it even harder for us "sweet", quieter women. Young guys are now more accustomed to women who will have sex on the first, second, or third date. I took my time (because of my HSP nature) and I watched several guys leave me because of this. I've also had experiences where more aggressive girls were able to steal my guy's attention and then the relationship was over. I finally found someone who appreciates my nature more, but perhaps part of this has to do with age and maturity.
Anyone else have similar experiences--where people stereotype you? Where just because you are quiet or introverted, people's mouths drop open when they see you on the dancefloor?
Another thing I have noticed when one is quiet/introverted/sensitive is that people assume you are either: 1-weird, 2-snobby, or 3-un-enthusiastic/lacks energy. This has been my experience in some situations in my life at school or work. I think this happens because when someone is quieter, it is easier to project certain qualities onto them since they don't share much about themselves.
Also, the "nice guys finish last thing" is not only for guys. My experience is that in the United States, we live in a day and age where aggression appears to be more appreciated all around. In my past dating life I have noticed this. I felt like most of my past boyfriends and guys I had dated preferred more aggressive women--especially in the bedroom. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself a feminist and I don't mean to insult anyone, but I feel like the sexual revolution made it even harder for us "sweet", quieter women. Young guys are now more accustomed to women who will have sex on the first, second, or third date. I took my time (because of my HSP nature) and I watched several guys leave me because of this. I've also had experiences where more aggressive girls were able to steal my guy's attention and then the relationship was over. I finally found someone who appreciates my nature more, but perhaps part of this has to do with age and maturity.
Anyone else have similar experiences--where people stereotype you? Where just because you are quiet or introverted, people's mouths drop open when they see you on the dancefloor?
As for he sex thing....I noticed that, too. I have been married to my husband for a long time....and he still has a crazy sex drive. Early on I complied but now I am tired of it. There are so many different ways to be intimate with someone and he sees sex as the one and only way. He doesn't know how to trigger his endorphins in other ways and I hope it isn't going to cost him in the long run.....I have grown a lot during our marriage together and sadly I see him reversing his growth. It's getting old.
At the same time, my experience has been that if we want to be respected and equal to men, we have to be like men. Someone may ask well what do you mean, be like a man? What does it mean to be like a man? Men and women are different. People may argue against this, but we think and feel differently. I think that it is difficult to grow up as a young woman in this day and age because we are bombarded by conflicting views of how we should be. Some fight agains the old stereotype of how society restricted women. One old co-worker told me that she thought I was limiting myself by being monogamous and that I should not let a relationship define me. Even though this seems empowering and exciting, to just go out and meet random men and have sex, I found that it has been too much for my sensitive nature. If I were a man, I would probably be the same. I would still take things slowly in terms of sex and relationships. I found this to be frustrating when I was younger because the sex drive was there, but to just have one night stands felt like a violation of my soul.
The difference is, as HSP man, I don't care about what does the girl look like, if she is very hot and very stupid, then I will see her ugly, if she is not so pretty, but very interesting then I am not even interested in the hottest or sexiest girl of the planet !
What I mean is equality between men and women means not giving something more to one gender because of it, what is expected from women is only influence by the medias, and it is exactly the same thing for men !
You have a common problem with lot of HSP : You care too much about what other people may think about you !
Learn to not care about other people and just be yourself, be comfortable in your life. Think about you first, it's selfish and then what ?
As soon as someone tells me something about me you should do this or this, I don't answer, I don't even listen (except if the person is right of course...)
, it sounds like you only listen to people who agree with you. I don't believe you can have very interesting interactions with only those people who agree with you.
What I meant is I don't care about judgement from other people, (right or wrong), which is about physical or about my character, because at the end I am who I am,.
Sometimes they are right but It's very hard to change especially for us, sometimes they are wrong simply because they don't understand.
It was hard for me. My father realized my intellegence, it was something lacking in my older siblings, while my mother strugged to teach Cotilion, also lacking in my sisters.
I have a great family. But, being 18, 16, and 8 yrs younger than my sisters and brother, it posed many issues. My sisters and brother are just realizing that I was mostly raised as an only child.
I basically was non-existant sexually until Sr. year of HS. I bloomed. My mother had her little girl to thrust out into society, my father saw it as a flaw into my education. Dating was not an option for him.
Anyway, got into an arranged marriage, divorced after 22 yrs. Am back in a relationship with someone I tutored and dated in college.
Relations with him, at our age, is nothing I ever experienced. We have done some strange things, things we had every reason to be arrested. He introduced me to a nude beach, new to him, also (no intimate things allowed). I'm still wary about many things. Too many surveillance cameras. But, trying to come out of comfort zone.