Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
I was diagnosed as an HSP in October 2011 by a therapist I went to after being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. My mom took me to a doctor, and she made an appointment with a therapist. I asked her to go to the therapist with me as well as to attend the session. The therapist noticed that I showed many traits of an HSP. My mom researched the Internet for books to read. She bought me the book, The Highly Sensitive Person.
I read that book as well as several Internet articles.
I married a man who understands what it is like for me to be an HSP, and he supports me as much as he can.
Recently my mom made some rules for her place. Here they are.
Everyone is to be treated as an adult
Respect and consideration for each other is mandatory
Please, thank you, may I, and would you mind are still magic words just like when you were little and learning good manners
Park any negativity at the door!!!!!!!!
Use your indoor voice, no screaming and hollering at anyone
Temper tantrums and pouting are unacceptable
Make apologies when necessary, but always remember that actions speak louder than words. Empty apologies are worthless.
Pick up your own trash and put it in the waste basket
Rinse your dirty dishes and load them in the dishwasher when appropriate
If these rules are too tough to follow, perhaps you may need to find another mother figure.
If you have any questions regarding these rules, please feel free to ask me for clarification.
Family, friends, people are too special to be treated unkindly
I have been dealing with allergies that make me very tired. My husband and I were invited by my Mom to spend Thanksgiving with her. She invited other people to spend Thanksgiving with her as well. When my husband and I arrived at my mom's place, I explained to her that my allergies are acting up, and because of that, I am tired. While all of us were visiting, my mom made the comment.... wake up, do not fall asleep. Since I was tired, I did not know if she was serious or if she was joking. So I asked her. She said she was joking.
After all of us had dinner, I went to the bathroom. While I was in the bathroom, I made the decision to let everyone know that since I am tired, I am not receptive to deciphering a funny comment versus a serious comment. The first words out of my mom's mouth were "Oh, stop being so dramatic." That threw me for a loop, I got upset, and I got angry. I let my mom know that I was just making a statement about the fact that when I am tired, I am not that receptive and that I do not know how that is dramatic. She then said "I am tired" and "the world does not revolve around you." I continued feeling upset and angry. Eventually I and my husband left.
At this point I do not know what to do concerning my mother, her attitudes and her rules.
I read that book as well as several Internet articles.
I married a man who understands what it is like for me to be an HSP, and he supports me as much as he can.
Recently my mom made some rules for her place. Here they are.
Everyone is to be treated as an adult
Respect and consideration for each other is mandatory
Please, thank you, may I, and would you mind are still magic words just like when you were little and learning good manners
Park any negativity at the door!!!!!!!!
Use your indoor voice, no screaming and hollering at anyone
Temper tantrums and pouting are unacceptable
Make apologies when necessary, but always remember that actions speak louder than words. Empty apologies are worthless.
Pick up your own trash and put it in the waste basket
Rinse your dirty dishes and load them in the dishwasher when appropriate
If these rules are too tough to follow, perhaps you may need to find another mother figure.
If you have any questions regarding these rules, please feel free to ask me for clarification.
Family, friends, people are too special to be treated unkindly
I have been dealing with allergies that make me very tired. My husband and I were invited by my Mom to spend Thanksgiving with her. She invited other people to spend Thanksgiving with her as well. When my husband and I arrived at my mom's place, I explained to her that my allergies are acting up, and because of that, I am tired. While all of us were visiting, my mom made the comment.... wake up, do not fall asleep. Since I was tired, I did not know if she was serious or if she was joking. So I asked her. She said she was joking.
After all of us had dinner, I went to the bathroom. While I was in the bathroom, I made the decision to let everyone know that since I am tired, I am not receptive to deciphering a funny comment versus a serious comment. The first words out of my mom's mouth were "Oh, stop being so dramatic." That threw me for a loop, I got upset, and I got angry. I let my mom know that I was just making a statement about the fact that when I am tired, I am not that receptive and that I do not know how that is dramatic. She then said "I am tired" and "the world does not revolve around you." I continued feeling upset and angry. Eventually I and my husband left.
At this point I do not know what to do concerning my mother, her attitudes and her rules.
The action is removed rather than involved and closer to the point 'mutual' which is really important when speaking about people such as those we choose to be closer in our lives.
Banks issue statements, public recreational facilities provide regulations and cities can have curfews ... all of which is addressing groups of people in a public manner.
What my point is asides all that I have previously written is that the act of writing out rules and handing them out is a way of NOT BEING INVOLVED PERSONALLY. This way mom is removed from having to pay attention and function with emotional play. Now, my driving point through out this is that the behavior or action lead ME to think that mom is not capable of intimacy ... which is probably why she is making friend with others children and not her own.
Intimacy is not about being able to argue but the ability to be empathetic to other people condition. She sets herself up to NOT HAVE TO DEAL because she doesn't really know how. Instead of telling you she doesn't know how to be emotionally available she just hands a list that blames others for having natural human needs like consideration . That insures your defenses rather than seeing underneath what her action is really built on.