For me, wanting to get married was more about sharing my life than what it might do to my career, or the responsibilities it might add. Meeting the one right person should enhance every experience you have. It makes tough days easier, fun days much more fun, and mundane things like waiting in line at the store, much more tolerable. A good mate should encourage you in things that are good for you, and help encourage you to let go of those things that aren't, even if it is simply tell you "you can do it" and nothing else.

I don't really think is about "being ready." I think if you met the right person, you would have a strong desire to do get married, but perhaps, not much interest until then. So, others who are nosy about, well, suggest they take up knitting or scrapbooking or something. LOL.

Sorry that people are pushing you into a situation that you are not interested in. Marriage can be good or bad depending on finding the proper spouse. If you are very career oriented than marriage might not be for you. More people today are not marrying. It is your personal choice. Many people can handle marriage and a career. The desire should come from inside of you.

Everyone is different so it's hard to say. I think it's a good idea to wait til you meet someone who you feel completely comfortable with. I would say a truly good friendship & mutual interests. Being with the right person feels like "coming home".

I have been married for almost 44 yrs now and am maybe the best person to answer this.

First, if you are not interested in marriage----by all means----please do not be forced into it. You will regret that big time. When people nag on you about it just reply, "when and if the right one comes along, I will know it. For now I am content with my life the way it is". I am not sure anyone ever is totally "ready for marriage" ---- but I think as a person gets more experience in life they become wiser as to what they really want out of it. Very important to deal with any fears you have with a relationship before getting into one.

Second, on my list would be to find someone that you are really compatible with. In others words.....have a close IQ with and can relate and talk on the same level. If you don't you will be bored and constantly having to change your personality to relate. It becomes very mundane after awhile.

Third, do NOT live together and "try out" marriage ahead of time. There are so many that do and then divorce after they marry. There needs to be a level of respect, IMO that gets lost in living together. If a person cannot make a commitment to their partner for life then truthfully there is no love involved.

Fourth, do not worry about your career getting in the way of your marriage. Refer back to #1 which will help you get along together and understand each others interests. I found a career very interesting and would not trade it at all.....I had two children and working helped me to guide them much better. I always encouraged them to find what their strengths and interests were as they went along in school. Our daughter was first going to be a teacher, then a doctor and finally became a lawyer. Our son always was very good in math and loved numbers----he is a global finance controller in a huge company.

Fifth, we got married right out of HS----we probably were more mature than most. However, six months after being married I got pregnant. If I were to do that over, I would have waited a couple years until we became more bonded in our relationship. Children are a huge adjustment and sometimes that can make or break a marriage. Women IMO become way too obsessed with their children and the husband gets pushed to the wayside.........which is why they go out and find another 'friend' to be with. In my case, it was reversed my husband became obsessed with the kids and I was the mother of 3 instead of 2. Made for lots of anger inside myself that I deal with on a daily basis.

This is really just all of what I have learned and watched in my lifetime......I feel that others on here have given you very wise advice as well. Big thing is don't jump into anything because sometimes the water is deeper then a person realizes. Marriage is a big commitment and every single day there is some compromise. Hugs and best wishes in your decision !

Sorry !! I said above --- "I have been married for 44 yrs and the maybe the best person to answer this".

I really meant to say ---> maybe NOT the best person to handle this.........my typing needs help !

My boyfriend and I don't want to get married. I think people put a lot more significance on marriage than it really needs, I mean they spend thousands of pounds, is it really a good thing to start your married life in debt? If we did marry it would be a small affair, just parents and a few close friends in a registry office and then afterwards on to a good restaurant maybe. The truly important thing is that you love the other person, and want to share that with others you also love. It doesn't have to cost that much or have the latest trendy wedding item. So my answer to 1. is no, marriage is not important to me.

Is it a career block? I guess maybe it could be for a woman as you are then expected to have kids and the woman is then expected to give up on her career and life to care for them. But simply marrying should not affect your career.

I don't think there is an 'appropriate' age to get married, doesn't seem to matter to me.

I don't understand question 4. You know very few people throughout your whole life, bar maybe your parents, but sometimes not even them. How do you adapt to any new person?

I try to ignore the pressures. I know my parents would like us to maybe marry and certainly have kids. But really it is nobody's business what I, or you, or anyone chooses to do except the two people in the relationship. Others can offer advice but they are the ones who can decide what to do. But you are right the pressure especially to have a baby, is huge, you are seen as abnormal or less of a woman if you do not want kids.

If you are not ready, or feel scared, you might want to seek counselling if that makes you unhappy. Or, if you simply do not want the responsibility, there is nothing wrong with that, and you may find it was just that it was the wrong person, and later someone else comes along and you are ready.

Choose what is right for you. Both of my daughters are in their late 30's & do not want to "settle down" they do not want children. That's OK with me. I can't imagine having grandchildren ... I know I would worry too much about them. That's just me. I like the idea that both daughters are independent & free. So no pressure. Everyone is different & that's good. I've been married 41 years which was the right choice for us.

For sure having kids is a career so if you want to have kids your job life vocation or what cha call is knocked down from top priority.

As far as having a mate, married or not / either way, that can be a positive or it can be a negative. Depends if you find yourself a partner that is all supportive to your life style and of course vis/vers.

The best possible scenario is that YOU pursue your career and with in that you meet a person with same kind of values and goals etc.

The times have changed. Females no longer need a man to bring home the bacon. Women are hardly on the edge of the work force any longer. Today the old pattern of getting married right in college or out of is no longer a standard although the myth that this is the correct timing can still be found. It is a practice of other generations where in those women had not door open to pursue careers. SO with that said ... Do exactly what you find in aligment with your rhythm. You do not have to relate to old patterns based on previous conditions.

1. A person can marry later , marry more then once and never marry at all and still have a fore filling / healthy relational life.

2. Children can come after profession has been established. I would not encourage a person to have children with the idea that after wards they will pursue. I have an aunt that has 2 boys (cousins). She worked as a CEO/advertising in and out and all the while. One way she could do this is because my Uncle was more of the house husband. He did not work every day all the time. She did and still does. Aunt also made enough money to be the soul supporter of the family. She did not begin reproducing until AFTER her career HAPPENING.

3. The world is your oyster!

Janvier, I wish my mum was like you. And my stepdad. They don't say things directly. But I definitely get the impression they would like grandchildren. My mum has worked in early years education for a long time and loves young kids. And I think they also feel sad, as none of us, not my sister or I or our cousins, has had any kids, and if we do not then that will be the end of our family. On both sides for me, as my boyfriend's sister is older than he is and still single with no sign of kids either. So it seems there is pressure to continue on the family line. I feel so burdened with it and really guilty, and as I get older it only gets worse. I wish I could be free like your kids.

Lizzie
You can't please everyone. You know you have to choose what is right for you. Sending you a gentle hug.

Marriage is not for everyone, it's I think a need that is our wanting to share our life with a soul that is or can be our other half, our "mirror" like the song MIRRORS, a song that brings home the idea that we may need what is a reflection of ourselves or who can complement, and yes, compliment our being. A holding on loosely but dont let go of each other, another song HOLD ON LOOSELY. Songs do that for me too, they reflect or direct.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuZE_IRwLNI
MIRRORS

HOLD ON LOOSELY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyhMgXmR3w4

First off, I'm just guessing or have learned some about marriage from previous trials and errors and from my current marriage. I was married for 2 1/2 years to a first husband, and now on my second, having learned more about myself I am confident more so of the forces that guide my decisions and motivations. I'm no authority or expert, who really is? I think we learn as we go.

1. What is marriage important? BECAUSE OF A NEED TO BE TOGETHER WITH ANOTHER YET BE FREE TO BE OUR OWN SELF, A PARTNERSHIP OF LOVE, TRUST, HONOR, RESPECT.
2.Does it prevent you from self-enhancement/ is it a kind of career block?NO, BECAUSE IT CAN ENHANCE OR PROMOTE OURSELVES IF DONE IN A HEALTHY WAY THAT IS POSITIVE
3. What age is it more appropriate to get married? AT LEAST WHEN WE KNOW OURSELVES OR WE ARE ON OUR WAY, KNOWING OURSELVES BRINGS A HARMONY TO THE TWO,
4. If you have not known someone throughout your whole life, how difficult/easy is it to adapt? AS DIFFICULT OR EASY AS YOU TWO MAKE IT. IT IS UP TO US EACH AND TOGETHER HOW TO NAVIGATE THROUGH THAT AND UP TO US THE WILLINGNESS TO DO SO.
5. If you do not feel anything about this topic/ are not interested, how do you go about the pressures exerted on you? RESIST THE PRESSURE, BE WHO YOU NEED AND WANT TO BE.
6. If you are not ready, in the sense that you fear extra responsibilities, unnecessary stress and new relationships, how to handle that? YOU CAN DO THAT WITH HELP FROM A LOVING PARTNER, I THINK. UNITED YOU STAND DIVIDED YOU FALL IND OF THING, WE LEARN FROM EACH OTHER AND KEEP IN MIND THAT MISTAKES AND FEAR ARE LEARNING EXPERIENCES

BE TRUE TO OURSELVES

If you are single and it is what you want and need then go with that and dont marry just because but because it feels right in your emotional and rational self.

I have learned so much within relationships, also have been in two other relationships that were off and on for about 3 years each.

Dreamyhope you will know what is right and if even you do and it does not happen like you thought, you will have learned about yourself which is valuable, priceless.

I thought about what I wrote and realized I don't know anything about marriage, or relationships. Been in my present marriage just over a year, the first was about 2 1/2 years, those two off and on relationships were not good.
I'm still learning myself and still don't know about myself enough to try and give any advice. I think I'd like to think I know but I don't.
dreamyHope, you at 24, seem much more aware of yourself than I am at 51.

Personally----I don't know a thing about marriage either CWB even being 62 and having been married for 44 yrs tomorrow----I didn't even buy my husband an anniversary card. Why should I really, it is just a fake to pretend for one day that everything is wonderful ? 44 yrs ago I made a HUGE mistake getting married because for one thing I am a loner and should have stayed that way. Unfortunately the hormones at 18 yrs old are going strong for me.....not so much for my husband, he went into the service 6 mos after our marriage, came out 2 yrs later and was not interested in sex --- at all. Don't know what happened in those yrs but something must have. To play it over no way would I ever get married if I had to do it over again...not worth the tears, fears and years. He just got mad at me now and called me the F word 5 times and told me to go to H. It is a fun life being married everyone should try it and then when you are retired it really gets to TONS of fun.....yep for sure......

Marriage is a mystery, some seem to thrive, others it drains them, either kind or cruel or just going through the motions with no emotion, numb.
Like life, there is no manual that guides or directs what to do or look for or how to get through or leave, it's a gamble. I am a loner too, yet I wanted love, companionship, though it often was less lonely being alone than with someone.
bluesapphire, you are at a crossroads, I hope that you will trust in yourself, and in others that may help or can, to do what is best for you.

dreamyhope, you seem like a confident person, I hope for you that you do what is the best for you. I am learning from all the replies, I don't know what's in my future but learning about what I need is a start.