Hi dreamyHope -

Ah, you ask the most interesting of questions - 'how can we trust that person?' Hmmm, well - how comfortable are you being around that person? Is there something that this person has that you wish you had? Are you lonely? Do you sincerely want her for a friend? What does your 'inner voice' tell you - not your emotional voice but that true 'inner voice' that we all have?

I find that I tend to trust people first. Maybe it's because that's the way I am. Have I been rudely 'awakened' when the other person was not what I thought they were? The answer to that is - Yes. Maybe it's because that's just the way I am programmed. Sure, there have been those people that I was instantly repelled by. But, they are few and far between. I kind of figure that there must be a learning experience in there somewhere for me to have had this person come into my life (for whatever reason). I just wish them well and send them on their way to live their life's journey. What else can I do? I send them no harm or ill-will, but they cannot continue to be in my life. At this point, I am all that matters to me. I have to take care of myself first and foremost.

So, how do YOU truly feel inside about your friend? Are you comfortable being around her or is there something that you just can't 'put your finger on' concerning her? Only you can decide whether to trust this person and continue being her friend. Perhaps an external event will happen that will cause you to rethink this friendship; perhaps you will just drift apart. Time will tell.

I send you hugs.

Thanks for the hugs cryingbehind.
Thanks as well Barbell.
@Barbell, yea i agree with you, better try to be something good than otherwise.
Well, that friend of mine, she surely teaches me a lot of things throughout. I admit that actually i am learning this new facet of life.
Thanks to all of you :)))

Hi all, i was talking about this friend of mine about trying to be nice. Well, we had a conversation today and i somewhat did not appreciate it. I do not know maybe i am faulty in here, maybe she is right, but whatever it takes i kept my calm and listened to her.
It so happens that lately i have shared lots of things with her, my most personal things (secrets). I have told her about my relationships with my dad which has been quite a hard one and still is.
I guess that she might be a little angry about how i talk about my family members with her, i don't know.
Anyway, well, i have realized that you just cannot share anything with anyone because at the end you may not know how they may react to that.
She was quite receptive before but today when i talked to her, she seemed aggressive and told me that i complain a lot. Perhaps, that is true, but i do not tell my life story to just anybody, i guess that i have shared too much with her and she cannot understand really my situation.
Earlier, she was nice and giving me tips but lately, "well, in her trying to be nice" then i don't know.
Anyway, perhaps i should stop sharing things with her because i do not want to endanger my friendship with her. I really do not know, when to trust a person enough to open up to her. I really don't know. I hurts but this is life i guess.

dreamyHope - what are you 'internal' feelings, your 'gut' feelings telling you about this person? Listen to your intuition, it will never be wrong. Only you can decide how to proceed with this friendship. Do you feel energized in her presence or do you feel drained? Sometimes it's hard because our inner feelings are telling us one thing and our head is telling us another thing. The trick is to learn to listen to one or the other. I, personally, have learned to listen to my intuition and she has never been wrong!

Hugs

I use to be a caregiver for elderly people. I loved that job and really felt a connection with the people. Many of them lonely and often in pain and all they wanted is a listening ear and some kindess and I was able to do that. I could relate because I too was often suffering but silently and could empathise with their situation, what I am saying is I want to be nice, of course I do. And I think majority of the time when I interact with others I am genuinely nice and pleasant but I admit sometimes I can be grumpy just like the old folks use to be crabby with me and I use to just let it go because I knew they had a bad day, and were in pain and so on. so for close people in my life I can be honest and tell my husband I am not feeling so great and forgive me for being a little cranky and more often or not there is a reason why I am feeling that way.
So I try and relate that to other situations in my life and consider that the person maybe having an off day, feeling out of sorts. I know I am not Marge Sweetwater 24/7. but majority time I am pleasant enough.

Dreamyhope
I am sorry that your friend is perhaps a little off and has changed attitude. Perhaps your friend may have some things going on in her life and just was not able to give of herself fully and be of emotional support to you at that time. I do hope that you can build upon this friendship you have going. maybe new things will be revealed about her too. I think in a way it is a healthy thing that she was able to say to you that you are complaining, to me it says she is comfortable enough with you for telling you that.

I know for me someone may have been sharing with me something personal about their health or relationship or some difficult thing they are going through and I listen and be there for them however I maybe having a pretty big thing going on in my own life too which they maybe unaware of. and I can be overwhelmed and tired. I am someone who tries to consider the varying possibilities of why someone acts the way they do. I may over analyze at times too which is definitely an HSP thing. Anyway I don't think that just because someone snaps at us or seems aggressive means that person is 'not nice' the person maybe temporarily 'not nice' but doesn't mean that they are a complete tool or a mean person. they may be dealing with something difficult in their own life.

But as HSP's I think it is a wise thing to monitor what we share with people and be super sure that if you do share something that they can be trusted and the information doesn't get gossiped about.
I am speculating and thinking. Perhaps your friend was not prepared to hear your woes. sometimes it can be worth asking the friend if it is ok to talk with them about a problem. I have done that with a friend in "real life" who I am still building a friendship with and I asked them first if it was ok to talk with them about something....and she was open and ok about it. she gave sound advice too I may add. I feel that she is trustworthy enough to share some info with but I would not divulge all about myself with anyone. there are somethings best left unsaid.

I have no clue what the dynamics are in your friendship. I don't know how balanced your relationship is. If she is able to share with you her woes and you are there for her. Now I am not saying this is what you are doing. I am just giving my experience as an example. I do know even the best of friends do not want to hear the same thing all the time. The mood does have to lighten up and a more positive conversation is to be had. I know this for myself. I could easily sound like a broken record and so I learned that I can't go on about pain and medical problems and my dysfunctional family and all of that with people all the time because they will just get that glazed expression on their face. And just as you have said often the person has no advice to offer, have no way of giving any kind of empathy or understanding because they cannot understand or relate to our situation. I know at times it can be lonely and can hurt if someone doesn't quite 'get' what we are saying and perhaps at times we don't 'get' them either. It isn't always easy that is for sure.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for such nice advice. Perhaps, i should give her time but one thin is that she never shares her life with. Well, we are certainly not best friends but i have seen a good and true side of her that is why i have opened up with her. Maybe, it was too early. I surely know something now,and it is that never to trust someone so easily. Well, let's see what happens next :)
*hugs*

Hi dreamyHope. I also have those in my life that to me are aggressive and its hard to figure out thats for sure. But on the other hand Im hard to figure out and they stare at me baffeled alot... Im begining to see a differant way to look at it . Just maybe they might beable to teach me a few things and maybe I can teach them a few things and it kinda balances it self.... Alot of times with the aggressive ones in my life underneath it all they are nursing their own insecurities and issues just like me . They just go about it differently than I do... Im honest with them and tell them straight out and believe you me they dont have a hard time telling me .. Actually the best friendships I have had in my life are not always with someone just like myself its been with extreme opposites ... Been alot of hurt, and ect. But always a great regard and respect... Maybe if you tell your friend how much the friendship means to you, but your feeling hurt about certain things that have taken place and just be honest with her and ask how the two of you can have a better more fulfilling friendship for the both of you. Just a suggestion I did it and it was right for me. Also about the intimate personal sharing of your life thats a hard one trust me I know. I once had a most beautiful friend who nearly ruined my life by putting my issues out for everyone to sift through. It was extremely traumatic for me and my family. But we dealt with it and I truly loved my friend but she crossed boundaries that should have never been crossed. A friendship take a stand still for many years and I focused on my family... But years later she still is my friend and I adore her and always will.... Unfortunately shes in another state and had a massive stroke... But for me forgiveness on both ends mended this wounded friendship and were okay. Be careful how much you share on personal issues with anyone. Be choosey and care about you so you dont get hurt... Be honest and all share yourself just be careful. gl with your friend best wishes to you. And sounds like to me your a real blessing in her life.

Thank you mrsmammie5 for those kind words :)

I was wondering if anyone has ever run into someone who hates you, without you doing anything. I had this happen to me. I was working as a kindergarten assistant, and this little boy in the class, who had been taken out of first grade and placed back in kindergarten, just hated me. He would not listen to me,, he had learning problems, and behavior problems, but with me, it was a real thing of hate. His brother even told my daughter, that my brother hates your mom. I am yet to figure out why.? I just figured he was angry about being forced to go back to kindergarten, and needed to take it out on someone. So he picked me. It was a nightmare. He had to leave school later, like in the 3rd grade, and be homeschooled . It really hurt, because I have never had someone to hate me before. That class was very difficult, that year, and have been since, and their in the fourth grade.
Any thoughts on the matter?

I agree that this is an excellent topic.

Dreamyhope, I think anyone who has a nature of being nice has a gift and is a gift to others, but totally understand it feeling like a curse at times, esp for us HSPs who really can be deeply hurt when we are not valued for it, or worse yet are outright ridiculed, rejected, or taken advantage of for it.

Some people are just very oblivious because they are so different from us, so not HSP, so they may not even be disrespectful, but because we sometimes do not realize just how different we really are - just how HSP we are, maybe we don't have any more frame of reference for how it is to be a non-HSP as they do for being an HSP.

I don't mean we are oblivious, because we are far from that, but for me anyway - even as I try to, I can't really imagine how it must be to not really be able to relate to others pain.

Either way, we have to do what we have to do in order to have our own peace and happiness and if that is to distance ourselves a little, or entirely, we need to not feel guilty or over-responsible for their feelings.

I am at a very hard place in my life right now where every little thing anyone says or doesn't say... can hurt me, so I have to keep a distance from some people, but I'm trying not to worry about deciding right now if this is permanent or not.

I hope that if I decide later that they really are just oblivious, but are truly good people that I think I do still really want in my life, that I will be able to find a simple way to explain to them that I just was in a hard place and couldn't be around many people at all, not just them, that they will forgive me.

I just cannot afford to worry about all that right now though. I can't let myself feel guilty and over-responsible for their feelings and have to just take care of me right now or I will be no good for any one else anyway.

I know this in my head now, after a lifetime of feeling over responsible for others feelings, when now I am realizing that most of them probably don't even hurt as deeply as I imagined they did to begin with, but I just thought they did, because I didn't know just how extremely HSP and empathetic I really am.

So, anyway, this ended up kind of long, but I do hope this and the other great perspectives here from others can help you feel a little more free and at peace, as you seem like you so much deserve that.

Hi again. I noticed that I replied without seeing there where 2 more full pages of responses I hadn't read yet. Lots and Lots of good perspectives here for sure!

I am sorry your friend hurt you like that. I too have many times likely divulged way too much to others about my feelings, not realizing that I could be misunderstood by them, thinking they were more understanding than they actually turned out to be.

I do think, like someone else I think partially hit on here, that we can sometimes trust too much because we ourselves are so understanding and trustworthy. We truly are not the norm though and we need to remember that so we are more careful.

It's OK though, because we can keep coming here for some of our needs, and keep seeking other ways to feel nurtured and fulfilled, and just try to enjoy and be thankful for the good parts of our families and friends, but keep a certain distance for protection as needed.

Being HSP myself, I like to 'keep' to myself, write in my journals, and not post a lot, since I've been back to DS. Working on myself a great deal with many directions, 'trust'.... is one. Trust back in my self, because it got destroyed with those I trusted for years, which I guess I did to myself by not having my heart or eyes, open.

So much wisdom here with many in dealing with this topic. And DreamyHope, been in this situation many times and have asked many questions like you and many others here....brought out. So much wisdom here....and sorry you and I have to ask these questions at times.

I like trying to be nice and try to see the best in the person, maybe sometimes I think I try too hard. Asking myself the same question, is it a curse or a blessing.

I think we DO have to know our selves very well. To know how/what is 'balance' to our self and how much can take us 'off balance'.

For me, being nice to every one, can backfire. There is one area in my beliefs I will never tolerate with having as friends, That is violence or evil shows, of any kind. I don't even believe in watching at all in movies or tv. To me, this just adds to the consciousness that I don't want around me or want hurt with anyone else. Now some will think I'm judging...well, its me, I don't agree with violence...so...thats that. We are to support people here in DS, well, this is one area I will not support, is violence.

I always want to see the 'good' in the other person. As many knows here, I've been going through a great deal. I've been trying to get intuition kicked in after the confusion of the moment or problems.... I've been trying to iron out. Sometimes not realizing how draining some can be to my energies, without me knowing, until it goes away and blindfolds taken off of my eyes. Then I'm like, wow, how did I do that? Why was I being so nice, why didn't I know they were draining me or taking so much from me.

I also have found Narcissistic people to crave our energies and very deceiving. Especially, those in the healing field, when I like to give. Sometimes I have a hard time when things are going wrong in my life to pick this up... then I get down in my own stuff even further. I think 'they' are being that way too with their walk and in their consciousness. However, needing to protect our selves with this type of energy. Sometimes wishing my eyes and heart would reopen up sooner with intuition again to recognize.

I believe we all walk different walks with different consciousness in the world around us, with different labels with that walk for your life or mine. Each will wake up in their time to what they do or don't. Just like we have gotten where we are with our consciousness in the here and now, expanding each day to even a higher consciousness from where you or I, are at.

If we are friends and communicating, I believe in conversation with each other, through the storm and through the calm. I left DS, because I was going through a severe storm of my own with a great deal and just left many here, and for that, I'm sorry.

I know one thing....being nice IS rewarding to do as an individual...but again, I also know we have to let others walk in their shoes and sometimes we have to leave that energy for our own survival, protection, and growth. I don't believe this has to be forever, either. Sooner or later, we all grow at different speeds...and we all know what this is like, in our own life, with, our self, watching our own growth with 'loving our self' and 'being nice' to our 'own self'.

I left here at DS before, I had one break into my email and personal accounts, one steal all my things in my physical world to someone I loved very much. There is still much confusion in this in many directions to sort out, but I've let it go to fix, me. I had to change my accounts/everything when I found out and didn't notice this till I had friends point it out to me, but had a hard time in knowing whether this is true or not. My intuition shut down for some time and maybe still working on it to clarity and balance to the energies around me. I feel better now, then I have in a very long time. Isn't it something how one is climbing up to feel good? There is always someone wanting to knock ya down. I'm experiencing this lately in my physical world but still being nice....is my practice and being bold with where I stand in my beliefs and my walk, in this moment. When I got back here, and before the break down of leaving DS, I had to work on 'forgiveness'. Not just from the one or those who deceived and used me, but to 'forgive' myself for letting it happen. This is hard, especially when you see that your responsible to loosing everything in ones life....and not taking care of self enough. Not being balanced enough. I'm not angry at the other person that I loved, that was in play with this all. I forgave her and glad I was there to help her, in everything she took in my life that helped her, with her life. Maybe I saved her...who knows...maybe one day,,,,I'll find out the truth in all of it. But when one walks in the valley of confusion, doesn't mean they are a bad person, and maybe they are. However, the world trained them, they have not waken up to what they do, just doing what they are trained. I believe, in do no harm. However, I do believe in 'release' from hurt from harm from another but moving on, upward and away from it.

I wish to the universe we could all walk together in peace and harmony. TO BE NICE without worry. What a better world this could all be. To sit on a porch with our neighbors, getting the instruments out to play a tune together, or just talk and enjoy the day with each other over a glass of lemonade and cookies.

To me, its rewarding to be nice....To put too many shields up keeps good people out. Confusion or hurt does this and not on purpose to hurt anyone on purpose....

being Nice.... plants 'seeds'. We are all connected, that is my belief. But, we do have to be cautious on our path and protect our self as long as there are 'levels' and 'trainings' that is doing harm. I also believe, we have to get the hurts out of ourself, I think that is what journals are for. However, not to keep staying put in the hurts, but rising above them. Walking the 'higher Road'.

Take what you like and leave the rest please.

Thanks for letting me share today. Hugs of peace to all.

Angel