Nice post, I have the same nature, I make friends easy and just generally love people. I have found a couple different reactions.

Some people, it really piss'es them off. Maybe they just don't want to like you or what ever. Those people apply their anger by belittling me saying things that are subliminal digs trying to undermine me.

Some people do in fact try and take advantage and think they have someone who is easily manipulated into doing things for them. I love helping people, but hate being manipulated.

I do give people a lot of chances, but if I know in my spirit they are harmful to me, I stay away or if that is not possible I keep them at arms length.

Carol

Thank you, Carol. Really nice of you.

Yes, i am also very good at keeping my distance from such people, but the problem is that they have once been so close to me.

I do not want them to think that i am being mean or that i have changed but i think that in life we do not always get what we want. Well, i think if i am not myself and comfortable with such types of people, why making things difficult for myself and kill myself worrying what they might be thinking of me.
Am i right?
But on the whole, i'll still try to be nice and kind to those that really merit. Being nice is only a value/behavior like any other which just comes automatically, i believe. Now, seeing unscrupulous people around make us to lose the little culture we have.

Well, do you agree with me?

What an excellant topic, more later when I am not rushed

I like to think that I am a nice person, and I enjoy that about myself, as to your question, I believe it is a blessing. In dealing with difficult, negative, people, who mistake kindness for weakness it is an opportunity for us "nice people" to learn to gently take up for ourselves and provides us an opportunity to become stronger (in a nice way of course lol). When we are fortunate to encounter other nice people, we can have a pleasant experience and enjoy ourselves.

"Well, i think if i am not myself and comfortable with such types of people, why making things difficult for myself and kill myself worrying what they might be thinking of me."

Good question.. Maybe because we are HSP and can read pretty well what they are thinking. When they have negative thoughts about us it hurts to a certain extent.

I really liked what dreamsicle said!

One thing I read was that HSP and empath type people attract narcissistic types. Probably because they feel they can control us better, they don't really know or understand kindness and probably do see it as weakness.

@dreamsicle: yea, it feels very good when you meet with people of nice, caring nature. When people are nice to me, i feel really special, hehe...
..but here, there are so little people like that, everybody comes with a motive, so being nice is merely artificial.
I don't know if i am nice but i rarely get angry or frustrated at people(friends and people with whom i spend most of my time). Most of the time, i am friendly around my folks and i am kind of very helpful and this is where people try and abuse.

Well, i completely agree with the both of you.
Thank you very much for the help :))
Also, i guess "being nice" might be a little contagious, if we continue to be nice to those who are mean, they might end up someday becoming nice, polite and caring. :)))

"kindness matters" i believe that is always true...XXXOOO

I was thinking and one thing I wanted to mention is some people are just plain mean, nasty and rude and do not try to hide it.... In life, I generally get a long very well with this type of person. I appreciate their honesty in who and what they are.

I remember being in school and the teachers who were hard and hated by everyone, were actually some of my favorites. I always did well in their classes.

To what dreamyHope said in the last paragraph regarding continuing to be nice to mean people. One of my favorite personal stories that show how true that is concerns a bus driver. Many years ago when we were witout our own transportation we rode the city bus on a daily basis, and there was one bus driver who was hated by everybody, he was rude, hateful, and just downright mean. I made it my mission to be extra nice to him, i always said "thank you SIR" , "good morning", "good afternoon", you get the idea. It did not matter to me how or if he responded, I was always pleasant. Then one day he began to speak to me, as time went by he became quite talkaitve, and very friendly to me and my spouse. Other bus drivers commented on how he would call to hold other buses to help us transfer easier, they were shocked because he was known as a JERK. When he got married he took off his wedding ring to show us and in short he did a complete turn around, at least toward us. So I am an advocate of returning kindness for evil, not being a doormat. JUST SPREAD A LITTLE LOVE ;-)

here you are,hehe... i also had one same experience at my university gym...hihi..there was the "gym attendant" if i may call him so, well he is responsible for the gym stuffs. He is reputed for being rude to everybody...but with time, with me, as you said: "the good morning, thank you", these may appear small and meaningless words at times but i have realized that these words are so powerful...hihi...well...the world needs to be treated with love i believe... ;)

Just reading what soulspy wrote:
"One thing I read was that HSP and empath type people attract narcissistic types. Probably because they feel they can control us better, they don't really know or understand kindness and probably do see it as weakness."
In my experience this has been so. I think that using types, narcissistic types (etc.,) think that we can be a 'soft touch' - and do see our empathetic trait as 'weakness'. I have considered that these types objectify others, rather than really valueing the individuality of others - seeing what they can 'use' of the person that they seek to control, manipulate.

I find it is so very important to maintain a healthy self-esteem, so these using types don't get the better. One tactic they can use is the subtle art of covert-aggression ie., undermine their 'victim's' self-confidence - all the better to get the upper hand. Recently I met a man who tried this on me. Knowing better (by hard experience) I saw his attempts to con me into a relationship with him (fat chance!) as petty.

Trust your intuition, I suggest. If you feel if someone is trying to get the better of your unique empathetic ability - don't bother with that person. I feel that we HSPs have to guard our sensitive nature by cleaving only to those who really appreciate our uniqueness: people who are not 'users'.

acousticeagle - very interesting post. Question - do you think that someone who is hsp can also be the narcissistic type who will attempt to control others? There are varying degrees of characteristics within each hsp/introverted personality type. I, personally, could not but that does not mean that someone else wouldn't.

What do you think?

Crying, it's an interesting question you posed.
I know someone who is narcissic, someone who thinks the world revolves around them, is hyper-critical of others (thus you would think lacks genuine empathy), is highly intuitive and intelligent and says that they are possibly HSP. But isn't one of the traits of HSPs that of an empathetic nature and a predispondancy to kindness towards others?

Anyway, this person objectifies others and is brash to cruel in their words and actions in covert-aggressive ways ie., says nice things but is motivated towards undermining a person they see as a rival to their self-exalted self-image. I think that this person is indeed intelligent and perceptive, but fails to be so sensitively moved by the emotions of others, except maybe to pounce on that characteristic as a weakness they can exploit.

So can HSPs be 'evil'? It is a good debatable question.
ps maybe this person only 'said' they were HSP because I told them I was (showed them Aron's book) and they didn't like to be trumped by what they thought was a 'threat' to their need for self-supremcy. This person certainly doesn't like to be any other than the need to be 'superior' over me. Unfortunately, a relative. Sigh.

Hi acousticeagle -

Again, a very interesting topic. I wonder if the person (relative) that you speak about is really HSP also. I have met people like that. I bet if you were to tell that person a specific fact about something, they would very quickly tell you "I know that" - without any thought to the question, etc. What you should do to 'test' this person is find some really obscure fact, something that would be known to very few - something you could find in a medical journal or such - and throw it out at them and see how they answer! I remember my husband telling me a story about a fellow co-worker years ago, wherein my husband did just that with a work-related issue. My husband said that this guy could not have possibly have known this information and that he had just read the fact himself. Of course, the co-worker made it sound like he knew all about it and even started to take credit for the fact! It was an amusing and interesting story.

The reason I ask this is that I am in the process of reading a book called "The Introvert Advantage - How to thrive in an Extrovert World" by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D. She talks about her experiences as a therapist and also as an introverted person growing up. She does mention hsp in the book but mainly uses the term 'introverted' and boy this term describes an hsp. She also talks about the varying degrees within the classification of introvert and extrovert.

I find this book very interesting. In fact, I have even ordered this book online to have a permanent copy of my own (that I can highlight in, dog-ear the pages, etc.) because the copy I am reading is a library copy. You can find it on Amazon.com but I was able to find a cheaper copy from Abe Books.

This is another book that I wish had been available years ago because it could have helped me (and my parents) understand me more. Maybe I would have felt 'normal!' She talks so much about children in this book and what it is like for them to grow up introverted, etc, and how to help them.

Again, a very interesting topic!

Hi all, i never imagined that i could gather so much resourceful information from you guys. Thank you for replying to my post and it has been a real pleasure to read them. :)
I do not know if i am really an HSP, but the reason for me to join this support group/ DS at all, was frustration and desperation. Here, i met lots of people ready to help each other. It somehow helps to bring up the morale.

Anyway, I have a friend of mine, she is rather a good friend. She happens to be in a group called " the art of living". She, at times share a few things with me that i like to hear as i am not physically in a group, well, virtually if it may be termed as such. She told me that she is not nice naturally, she makes an effort to be nice to people. I, sometimes feel her rudeness towards people but i do not know what is in her that makes me want to tell myself that she is not like this and a very good person. I do not know hoe such people function. Well, sometimes, it feels irritating when you ask a question politely and they reply to you as if you are stupid to ever have asked that question.

Well, my question is what kind of person is he, who is not nice from his own being but try to be/ act nice? How can we trust that person? I do not know, i share a very good relationship with that person but if she is telling me she tries to be nice and is not..well, it's kind of confusing then.