Hmmmm....I don't have the answer but here are some things to consider....

You said, "I really like the very intensive side, the fact it is very physical, the way you feel after a session...

but I am non violent, ...."

How important is nonviolence to you? Is it worth it for the purpose of learning self defense?

You said you like the intensive side. If you mean that you like an intense work out, there are lots of activities that will give you intensity and you can get a great work out.

Is Muay Thai a kind of martial arts? I studied a little. I tried a few different schools before I found a Taekwondo class I liked where there was no sparring but the black belts were amazing(I didn't stick with it). It took some trial and error to find the right discipline and the right school. Maybe there's another style of fighting you can try.

I know all about competitive sports....OMG when I went up against an archery expert..chest puffed up like a peacock,,I never done it before and hit the center..won the group match..talk about throwing themsleves on floor and seeing a grown man weep...someone asked me to play chess LOL I asked them to do a personality test first they asked why startrek they came out as spock..Im captain kurt...I so laughed...I like a bit of competitiveness but find it silly when a grown man throws himself in tears loosing..it is everywhere competiveness..even in the one who burns the other at traffic lights..do I get satisfaction the extrovert of me comes into play sometimes but I like a healthy balance and when its fun...:)

I don't see the point of hitting someone. There are enough violence in the world. But it is because there are so much violence in the world, I want to be able to answer if one day I can help avoid it or help other people.

Muay that is boxing but with punch, kicks, elbows and knees allowed.

I am thinking i need to try different sports, but I am not sure which direction to take.

I understand. I think it's a really good idea to learn self defense. You can think of it as "not being violent" but a necessary part of learning a skill.

I think you might be interested in martial arts...there are many different forms. For example, Aikido is about protecting yourself and the attacker by blocking and stopping what he does without causing harm.

When I did tae kwon do...we learned kicks, punches, blocks, breaking wood with our hands, and many techniques but we didn't fight each other. I have no doubt my teacher could defend himself though.

I tried around 3 different schools (all different styles)before I found the right one for me.

Don't give up on finding the right school for you or learning self defense. When I quit, I made up good reasons, but the truth was that my expectations for myself was too high. I also had a lot of anxiety and self doubt. I was running instead of dealing with my fears.


I think its good that you are listening to yourself. Discipline in mind and body is always a good thing. I wish I would have stuck with it.

Good luck.