Always separate People from their actions. They do stupid things. Say Stupid things. So do you. You would not like to be judged by what you say or do in the sense that you would not like summary judgements or judgements based on a few weeks or months. Extend the same courtesy to them. Try to avoid the tut tut. That doesn't mean you tolerate rudeness or harassment but instead you guide people back to their higher selves. Nudge them. Avoid taking the hih moral ground. Its foundations are quite shaky!

Sorry that should read avoid taking the high moral ground in your head because thats only where it exists. People will constantly behave poorly show them the way back to their better selves by your example. Nothing else works.

I agree with Flash......unfortunately, in this world we have no choice but to try to get along with others.....we cannot expect them to conform to our morals and ethics, as much as we may think they ought to (I'm the same way),,,,,,they have to make their own choices, just as you have made yours. This must be given time. It won't happen overnight. If they question you, answer politely, with general, vague answers. No need for details. I would hope that they will learn by watching your example. We win the battles with courage, kindness, and respect.....and by looking carefully for the good in others.....there always is some. Focus on that.....make it a game to find at least one good thing, even if it's just a decent comment, in each one of them every day. They will build up inside of you. And conversely, be sure you are giving kindness to them in return. Then wait and see what happens. I wish you luck.

The others are right. Learn to relax a little, and not take everything personally. They may be trying to learn about you by asking about your healthy habits, trying to make conversation and be friendly. Learn to make small talk without opening up the 'real you' underneath. Ask what they did at the weekend, talk about the weather, holidays.

People will gossip unfortunately and say things behind each other's backs. Learn to let this pass, you cannot prevent it. Just make noncommittal noises, don't say anything to agree or disagree, and change the subject if you can.

You say they judge you but you also seem quite judgmental of others, saying they are "too extrovert", "vulgar", "feeding on fast food and junks". Try not to judge people like this. The truth is some of the loudest people can be very insecure, they make a noise to try and disguise that. It is all armour, a performance for others. People have a right to eat whatever they like, whether it meets with your approval or not. Keep an open mind and don't assume people aren't good enough or "don't fit in your category' as you put it. Try getting to know them first before judging. I have had several friends who are extroverts and we got on fine.

Try to keep an open mind and yes, maybe be influenced by them. You cannot keep the same rigid ideals all your life. Life is a journey and you can learn from people and experiences. If you are closed and scared you miss out on that.

Keep looking for other jobs and opportunities. Don't give up on this one, but keep your eyes open.

hello everyone, thank you for those nice and constructive advice. As you said Lizzie, you got a very good point. I should really stop being so closed and only within myself. Lately, I have been feeling like that, I am finding this cumbersome and my attitude is acting like a burden to me. I have never experienced this kind of negative and unhealthy types of feelings before. I feel that I am changing with time, but what to do, the situation and people around me makes me act as such. I know I should be myself and not try to get influenced negatively by these, but life is treading me in another direction.
As you are saying that, it makes me realize how much I was straying from myself. I used to be cool, nice but i always cared about people. While this is changing due to some kind of bad experiences, some forceful sacrifices that I have not not got over with. While thinking about all these, I have tears in my eyes but I guess that is life. I know that it is only me who can help myself to get out of this dilemma but I do not know what else is stopping me apart from myself. What to say, I have changed maybe for the worst of me.
Your words make me understand and realize so many things. Thanks for being there. Please, guide me more. I think that I going far from what I used to be, very far...i was never like that...i was always praised for being simple and sweet...and i still want to be like that, I really want to revert back to the past but my happiness was snatched from me, I had to drop everything I liked to do something that was not for me. I have always been thrust-ed duties and obligations that my heart disagreed and whatever I wanted to be or do, was never taken into consideration. That is why all this bitterness but above all, I still want to be a good and caring person.

That is a lovely response Hope, thank you. You seem a good and kind person. I too have found it is necessary to build defences, but if I overdo it it can shut people out so I cannot see their love or show them mine. It can shut out the good things as well as the bad. I used to be more open but now am wary and defensive. But I am the same person underneath. The things you say are true of me too.

I would like someone who could help me get back to how I was too. Maybe we could try together if you want to.

hi, it will be really wonderful to try this together, i will be starting from this moment not to curse myself any more, to take things as it comes and stop being panicked over little things. Well, I know it's more difficult to do than say, but as from today, let's try it.
I have decided that tomorrow will be an awesome day for me and that I'll smile at each and every person who comes my way. As it is night already over here, I'll chill listening to some good music or soothing speech or else some nice shows. Let me know what you have been doing as well, will be glad to get all your support. Sending lots of love to all my DS friends. Be happy :)

Conclusion: there is no need to turn bad..life offers many opportunities and this maybe require some sacrifices here and there, we should pave our way by ourselves, there is no one who can help us but ourselves.... :) Be the kind person you have always been, lol, love will come your way :))) thanks my DS friends. :D

Hi Dreamyhope,
I read your original post and I felt so much sympathy for you. I really didn't see anything judgmental in what you wrote and I know you weren't trying to put down your co-workers. You were describing how their behavior affects you and while being mindful of their good qualities is not wrong, it doesn't help you to cope with the negative things they say and do.

It is uncomfortable being around people who mock and make fun of others. It can make you feel extra shy, introverted and awkward around them after all, if they are doing to others, they can do it to you. Even if their mocking is not directed at you, if you're anything like me, you feel bad for the people they are making fun of. It does play with your mind and can make you feel insecure. It is an ongoing process to learn how to deal with and manage this type of behavior from others without it affecting your self esteem.

I understand what it is like to be health conscious around people who are not. If your co-workers are asking you why you eat healthy-there is really nothing wrong with that, but you said they are telling you that you should not eat healthy. It's really not there place to do so . They will harass you and poke at you until you begin to feel like you are doing something strange and wrong. I've seen it and experienced it. I once told this lady I don't eat junk food(junk food not as a judgement but the type of food that is less healthy: potato chips, etc.). Everyday she bought it and kept offering it to me. I would always decline politely. She would get exasperated, roll her eyes, and she and another girl would laugh. It makes you feel like you are doing something wrong.
Eating healthy is a good thing. If they make fun of you, try to remind yourself of why you do it. Eating healthy will help you avoid unnecessary complications when you get older. Only you can decide if you are over doing it-but it's up to you to decide, not them. Hold on to your good habits. Unfortunately, people sometimes travel in packs, and if you're different you can become a source of ridicule.

No, you do not have to change your values to fit in. The best way isn't always the most popular. You are like a Caterpillar in a cocoon, struggling to become a butterfly; struggling to determine who you are in the work environment. It IS a hard struggle but you get to decide-are you going to let people push you to act in ways that you do not respect? Learn from their good traits when you can, but stand your ground for truth and those things you know are right. I realize I am speaking in ideals. You will slip up sometimes. You will get aggravated, frustrated, etc. It's normal. When you mess up, dust yourself off and continue to develop your coping strategies.

Strategies that Might help you to cope:
1. When they make jokes or mock others, don't smile or laugh(difficult to do if you smile from nerves).
2.If they are mocking someone directly to you, try to point out a positive attribute of the person they are putting down. This might help to counteract their negativity.
3. Maybe have a friend or someone contact you or touch base with you during the day-it might help with the feelings of insecurity that can come up in negative environments.
4.This is important-Nurture your life outside of work. Try to get involved with things that are meaningful to you. It's important to define yourself outside of a negative environment.
5. For lunch, maybe you can take your food to a nearby park or something. This is tricky because office people(from my experience) or ordering all kinds of junk and offering it throughout the day. You feel guilty saying no all the time and you don't want to hurt their feelings. Having these foods from time to time is fine, but try not to eat from peer pressure.
6.If you have a tendency to blame yourself, chronicle your experience in a journal or talk to a trusted friend. When you look back and are beating up on yourself, there is something to remind you, it's not all your fault. You strike me as very conscientious, so if you see things that you are doing wrong, I'm sure you will take the steps to correct it.
7. be careful who you express your troubles too. A lot of people are used to negative work environments and so your sensitivity to things can be seen as overreacting. You will learn how to cope overtime, but your sensitivity is not the problem(as far as I see).
8. As was said, keep looking at what jobs are available. You may decide to stay or you may decide to leave. If you determine this environment is not for you, being aware of what's out there will make the transition easier. Oh, if you're sending out resumes, don't post them on line so that your bosses can see. Fax or email them.

I hope some of this helps. Good luck. Remember, don't blame yourself. Sometimes it's not about what you are doing wrong. It's just about learning to deal with the sometimes harsh realities in the world of work.