I really feel for you PosieRosie.
I don't have your experience but saw it with my dad, his brother died, and his other brother seemed to be all right, but my dad fell apart. He is not HSP I don't think, does not seem to be. Though sometimes I think he is and is just keeping it under a mask, under control. Actually he seems the opposite of HSP but once in awhile he will surprise me with his behavior.
My uncle who passed was definitely HSP I am pretty sure from what I knew of him, and what family tells me. I hear that there are grief counselors- would that help any?
I did find this-don't know if it helps or not

Grief, Sensitivity, and Beyond

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug09.htm

hello PosieRosie ... and welcome.

The site just mentioned is very helpful. (thank you bookworm)

Still thinking about this. It seems that there is no easy way to cope with grief. Everyone is different & each one of us has to find whatever helps. For me losing a loved one is such a scarey thought ... it's hard to imagine.

I just want to apologize PosieRosie, losing a brother like my dad did is NOT the same as losing ones' s parents.
I hope that you can find the info you need. And I do hope too that you are not alone to have to deal with this on your own.

I am sorry for your loss, PosieRosie. Some people grieve longer and differently than others. Just give yourself time; you are going to get there.

Dear Posie,

I could share a lot with you. I lost my Dad and Sister to cancer within a year of each other. My Dad suffered for 8 long months and my Sister was diagnosed and was gone in 20 days. It's been about 16 months since my Sister passed and I am no longer the same person. My HSP is so much worse now, to the point I no longer like to do anything in public, I have distanced myself from the few friends I have, I have gained weight and I am beside myself with grief and fear of more loss. I am scared I will never be able to live normally and be happy again. Now my 85 year old Mother is ill and in a nursing home. I know she will leave soon too. I am the only one left in the family. No one to help make decisions and no one for moral supprt.

I probably should get professional help but I do not know where to start.
Its a lonely state I am in. Losing 2/3 of my family in a year was devastating and I just am having trouble moving on too.

((HUGS)) to you, my frined.
Kim

Dear Kim,

I'm so, so sorry! Where do you live? We should talk on the phone. Our stories are so similar.

Rosemary

I lost 6 very close friends and family members in 5 years. One was my best friend. She died in my arms as I caught her when she had her heart attack. I performed CPR but it was her 3rd heart attack and she had been very ill from 40plus years of diabetes. I watched my best friend slowly die over the 13 years we were best friends. I won't even discuss how painful that was and the hell we endured with all the related issues and hospitalizations. We considered each other sisters.

I knew the day was going to come. I was so grateful that I was standing next to her when it happened instead of being elsewhere in the house. It happened in an instant and we didn't even get to say good bye. I have lost both parents and losing them has been no where as traumatic as losing her.

I am an artist and was unable to paint for nearly two years. I still struggle with anxiety when I try to paint. It has been over 4 years since her death and I still grieve. I always knew I was sensitive but recently discovered that I am "HSP." It has helped me to understand my self and my pain greatly.

Another difficult issue has been the pressure from less sensitive friends to "get over it." Getting over it is as easy as getting over a headache by just telling yourself to not have a headache any longer. The memory/grief seems to be in my body as much as my mind. Memories come out of no where and seem totally uncontrollable. Then comes the aftershock.

For the first 2 years it felt as if someone had grabbed me by my throat and I had to sit down. Then the tears would come. I live alone and I have had to bear this burden alone, except for my faith in the Lord.

I'm not sure it gets any easier as much as the events of tears become further apart. The sharp cutting edge of the pain is somewhat duller. But easier? Not for me. But because of my "HSP" I have very vivid memories. I can still remember her voice. And sometimes I actually hear it come out of my mouth, as when I call our dog. It causes me to just stop a moment and shake myself and say, "It's okay. I'm going to get through this."

I try to remember how life is about the process and not just about at arriving at the goal. Being sensitive has it's blessings = I am an artist. It has it's drawbacks because I see and experience everything on a much deeper level than most, it creates a lot of pain. All these things make me who I am today. I have heard it said that the past does not equal the future. That may very well be true, but it is certainly very much part of my today.

Try not to stop yourself from grieving because you truly can't. Give yourself permission to grieve and the time it will take. Understand that it will take years. And it has many faces and phases. Anger is just one of them as is regret. Some days you will feel good and think you have made a great step forward, then one day you will fall so hard you'll wonder what happened.

I could advise you to channel your sensitivity into something like a craft or painting. That used to work for me. Now I feel better when I clean house or something physical. I completely understand the eating issue. Often when I'm trying to paint I'll think I will feel better if I eat... so off to the kitchen I go.

Your method of coping will be as unique as you are. You are the only you. Respect your emotions, they are neither good or bad. Behavior is what can be detrimental. Respond instead of react. And always remember the reason you grieve:

Because they deserve it. Never forget, never forgotten. kls

I lost my husband of 28 years to lung cancer almost two years ago, so unfortunately I'm on the grief road; but, things are slowly starting to improve. I'm finding that the old cliche of time and being around my daughters and grandson helps the most. I pick and choose my social life, and there's not much to it at this point because I have turned into quite the homebody- but that's o.k. because it's what I want right now. My mind has raced/analyzed, and rationalized my surreal situation, and I literally feel like I've been reborn into a different person. Now I'm just learning that I'm a HSP and feel so happy that I've finally figured out that I'm NORMAL! This is such a revelation because I remember being highly sensitive as a little girl and not understanding why others weren't like me. I've spent my entire life trying to figure out why my mind was always cluttered and why I could actually feel other people's emotions. To get back to the topic, grieving is such an individual process and my best advice is to let time heal, and if depression hits, get grief counseling. Griefshare.org helps me tremendously with a daily email. (But just to let people know, it's Christian based) God bless everyone who is grieving- and please listen to them. They don't want advise necessarily, they need to talk about the loss of their loved one. They will also never get over the loss- it will always be in their heart because it's a watershed event and we have a need to keep the memories alive.

Zakki, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be without him ... after 28 years of being together.

As far as being HSP ... I know what a releif it was for me when I finally found out why I struggled with such intense feelings all my life. Also, it was such a relief to find out I wasn't the only person in the world feeling this way.

I am so pleased you found us.

Janvier, I'm thrilled that I found this group- normal is good! Also, thanks for the kind words!

Hi Zakki -

You have come to the right place. We are all here to support you. We all understand what it is like to so deeply feel things that others quickly let go of. Grief is one of the hardest to learn to let go of (if we ever do). I know - I lost a child many years ago (23 to be exact). Time does soften the 'wounds of grief' but this is something that never truly goes away. It is there, it is part of us. All we can do is 'adjust our sails.'

As I was preparing my stash of magazines and catalogs for recycling this morning, I ran across this poem in one of the catalogs. It is called 'THE THING IS' and was written by Ellen Bass.

THE THING IS
to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.

--Ellen Bass