Hi Leni,
Welcome to the group!! I never did tell anyone. Why? Because like you said, most people would not take me seriously and I believe that hardly anyone knows what it is. I do believe it would get a laugh, so I keep it to myself. But it was the same way with me-I stumbled upon the term HSP many years ago, and I was like-"That's IT!!! That's ME"!!! Sorry I couldn't be of any help, but I think if enough people see this, they will come up.with some good answers for you!

Hello Sweet Petite,
that sounds very sad to me, but I can understand it very good. I often keep things to myself because I think nobody would understand. I thank you for your comment, because it makes me feel less alone with that kind of problems...

What I have done to explain it is to wait until something comes up that is part of my HSP, e.g., I don't like large crowds and I discovered that I have this personally trait called HSP which was researched years ago and written up by psychologists, etc. Then cite some brief info, e.g., my physiological and emotional senses are highly tuned; HSP may exist to various degrees in about 20% of the population, etc. Don't call it a disease or disorder, etc., just a trait that makes an HSP unique. I wouldn't get into details unless someone asks. Here is Elaine's web site that helps: http://hsperson.com/ Maybe some HSPs want to keep in inside but I found it is helpful to share it and even at times joke about it. Just ask that they be understanding in that you can't always control the trait. I say I'm working on being more aware of my traits and trying not to let it affect me as strongly as it may have before. Hope some of this helps. Good luck, Don (age 67, single)

Hey Don,
thanks for your advice. It's quite a good idea, I think. :)
It sounds as if you managed it in a quite good way and I have deep respect for that.
Unfortunately I think I can't make a joke out of it yet, but I hope I will get there ;)
(Right now it feels like a disorder to me because it affects me more than it did before and it weighs heavily upon my mind because of the problematic enviroment (society, politics, lack of security, injustice,...).)
Greetings from Germany

I tend to look too much at the negatives around me. Like the things you mention that are affecting you. I don't think I'm a 'negative' person but my HSP is strongly affected by the bad things going on. I try to work on not letting it get to me and concentrate on the positives around me. Usually there's not anything we can do about certain bad issues so why dwell on them. It's a slow process but HSPs needs to constantly manage their lives. We can't, and don't want to, change being an HSP. But, we CAN find ways every day to understand this trait and how we react to things around us. Take it day to day, step by step. I think you will find one day down the road you have made great progress. Hang in there, Leni.

this can be so darned tricky and most often best left alone, until/unless that best moment presents itself. ie: when that special something, your gift, allows you to know something or feel something and it is absolutely obvious to those who know you that this has happened and the rest of them had NO clue - then, you make mention - oh, remember when I was telling you about that extra something I have?

when they will have the chance, the help to see this as a positive with you : ) I think this is when.

perhaps there aer some who can absorb, can hear you and understand the toll things take on you. with the studies that have been done, sharing some info from a respected source can be a good plan. not ever as a sad thing though - we are gifted. it is we who need to realize more than anyone, how important it is for us to be careful to get extra rest, etc. to shield ourselves a good bit more than we probably do.

hugs, I know how difficult it is

Thank you, Don!
Yes, I can relate to it very well. I don’t think I’m a ‘negative’ or pessimistic person either, but sometimes there is a period of time when it is very difficult to see the positive aspects.
I try to not let these bad things upset me too much, sometimes I fail really hard.
But it’s a relief to get to know this trait of mine better and to learn that I’m not alone with it and that there are people who understand me. :)
I wish you success for managing your life in a good way too ;)


Thank you for your recommendations, behere too. :)
That’s a really good thing and I hope it will work with me.
I’m afraid most of them won’t see this trait that positive, but it’s worth a try ;)
That’s true. I feel that I have to shield myself even more these days that’s why I end up being told that I’m selfish and don’t care about the others :( I have to do it anyways because otherwise I couldn’t cope with it at all. It’s good to hear that it’s okay to do so.
Hugs to you too :)

I don't think anyone can understand something they have never experienced. That is why we feel so disconnected & so alone. It does help to know there are other people who actually do experience life the same way we do. I just wish that there was someone in my family or social circle.

I totally agree with you, Janvier. Before I knew about HSP I wondered why nobody in my family and social circle could understand me. I never understood it. Now I accept it, but I wish it would be different, too.

Hey Leni,

i advise you to use your intuition and your gut, i assume that you can sense people who can be supportive to you in your environment, choose wisely so the person you will tell about your trait, even if he or she won't be supportive as you expected, at least you won't get the negative feedback you are afraid of.

Personnaly, i did tell my best friend about a year ago (that was after about 2 months that i discovered about my hsp trait) i was not disapointed nor reliefed because no one can never undestand no matter how hard you try to explain it except an HSP who is living the same thing as us.

Hi Sam,
thank you for your reply.
To me it's a double-edged sword. On the one hand I want others to understand me so badly, I want them to know it. On the other hand my intuition tells me that it wouldn't work.
I think you're right, no one will ever understand it except other HSP (maybe).

It made me laugh of sadness because I am exactly in the same situation, just a year younger and a man...

And I really don't want to explain it to people who are not able to understand. Moreover, I have trust issues with people and I am always scared they will tell everybody even if they did and I would not care...I don't want to. It is a weird feeling that I will look weak among other men and not manly enough among women.

I always tell to myself I would have prefered to be gay than HSP. It is silly, but now in developped countries where most of us live, people know about being gay and they accept it. They are more open minded, and less judging. But HSP, nobody knows about, they will see us like mentally ill people....or as you said people wanting to get more attention...
Furthermore, you can explain being gay, everybody fall in love, but you cannot explain HSP, not everybody is able to understand the fact that we are more sensitive to things even if you give concrete exemples....

To answer your worries, I really don't think people will mock you or won't take you seriously. But i am not sure they will support you or even care about it.....

So you've been struggling with this for a while now? I admit I gave up to tell non-HSPs about my HSP-trait. They definitely don't get it. Sometimes I try to describe that I am actually feeling different from others but that doesn't work either.
I can understand it very well and I think our society makes it really difficult for a man. As for me, I wish there would be more HSP men out there. (Ok, HSP women of course, too.) I think it's important that you find someone who realizes that this trait is a treasure. I think it can strengthen a relationship (no matter whether a romantic or a friendly one).

I did not realise for a long time I was different from other people.
Then one day I suddenly told myself "I think you are a bit different of other people", and I just accepted it and let it go, as we are all different. I discovered HSP only 2 years ago, but it changed my life (in my mind at least).

When you say you wish there were more HSP out there, that is one of the reason I don't believe Elaine Aron on the fact there are 20 % of HSP. There are not 20% of HSP.
There are probably many more emotive people, but for sure there are many less HSP.

From what I see I would say 1/15 1/20 people maybe.

Because if there was so much HSP, where are they ? we are not numerous on this forum and I do not meet people behaving the way we are....

I thought about that, too. I never met a HSP in my entire life.
If there were so many of us out there: why is it so unfamiliar?
Of course there are different kinds, different “levels” of HS, but this doesn’t explain the extent of the discrepancy (to me).