Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
My husband has a really strong personality and I for the most part am laid back and go with the flow. Sometimes, it gets to the point where I feel suffocated because it seems he "runs the show." He just takes over and tell me what to do. I really dislike being told what to do, but at the same time, I am not a super organized person. It is my first time as a "house wife" and its not really my thing, but I am trying. We often fight about this and it's exacerbated by being so tired do to lack of sleep from taking care of a 10 month old who wakes often at night. He is European and used to women who are sort of old fashioned when it comes to being wives and mothers. I grew up with a single mother who sometimes through a frozen dinner in the microwave and watching t.v. while eating dinner. Not him. The worst thing is when we fight in front of our baby.
Sometimes I think about what it would like to be alone, but I want to make it work for our son's sake.
Sometimes I think about what it would like to be alone, but I want to make it work for our son's sake.
The thing is, with being so highly sensitive, it really bothers me when he raises his voice. I sometimes find myself searching the web to see if he is verbally abusive or narcissistic. I found that he has some of these characteristics, but not enough to be a full-blown narcissist or abuser. Still, it bothers me that he talks to me the way he does with is tone of voice. He seems to be irritable quite often. He came from a traumatic upbringing because his father was a sloppy drunk (got sick in front of him) and was physically abusive towards the family. He is a lot better than this, dosen't drink at all, is never physically abusive, but I still think he may be a microcosm of his dad.
I don't think it is your sensitive side here.
I think your couple or husband is having a bad time for some reason.
The only advice I can give you and I think the best is to talk with him directly about it.
It's really hard if you even have to ask the question, " is it verbal abuse?" That suggests something is wrong.
You are not being too sensitive. It seems to me that some people accuse others of being too sensitive when they themselves are insensitive or they don't want to take responsibility for their words or actions. Or they themselves are uncomfortable with sad emotions. Our emotions, however, are a guide that clues us in on how to take care of ourselves.
I struggle with this too. Someone will say hurtful things, and if I address it, they will say, I'm too sensitive and/or I just want to interpret their words in a negative way and that I want to see them in a bad light.
I've bee thinking about this...You can't tell water it's too sensitive because it freezes at a certain temperature ....that's what water does. We are sensitive to things based on our own unique temperaments, experiences, and make up. Our sensitivities can guide us to choosing the best lives for ourselves.
The things your boyfriend said were hurtful period. Those words would hurt me too. You have a choice in letting him know how you feel. You can also use it to get to know yourself better: why do his words hurt? Do you secretly judge yourself the way he judges you? Are you accepting of accepting for not being perfectly organized? Do you want to be more disciplined? etc. Are you frustrated because you don't have the time to pursue your artistic endeavors as you would like?, etc.
A book that I have been reading is The Emotionally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. I read through the book rather quickly the first time and am reading it slowly again. I am not in a relationship now but am reading it becaue of a significant relative in my life. I can tell you that reading this book(and other articles I've read about verbal and emotional abuse) has helped because until I read them, I didn't have the words to describe what I was experiencing.
One positive in reading the book is that when the person says negative things, it still hurts but not as much because I'm beginning to understand(slowly and not yet fully) that I am not the problem , or definitely not as much as I am blamed. I'm learning that self love means so much more than I ever imagined it might....
Anyway, your hurt is letting you know self care is necessary in a new way.
I really do hope this helps.
It was when I began to ask the question is it verbal abuse that I began to look for and find answers.
No matter how you end up answering the question, I sincerely hope you will find new tools to love and care for yourself.