Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
Hi, am a newbie here. A 75~80% HSP according to the test.
Currently in the mid of relocation and hence a lot of things and emotions to digest.
Was reading an article about how to take care of oneself when depressed. Several bullet points there made me think maybe they helps an HSP's daily life easier too? Would like to hear your comments.
The orginal title is “9 Ways to Take Care of Yourself When You Have Depression”, by Margarita Tartakovsky. Here are the parts consider related:
6. Know your triggers. In order to prevent relapse, it’s important to know what pushes your buttons and worsens your functioning. For instance, Serani is selective with the people she lets into her life, makes sure to keep a balanced calendar, doesn’t watch violent or abuse-laden films (the movie “Sophie’s Choice” sidelined her for weeks) and has a tough time tolerating loud or excessively stimulating environments.
Once you pinpoint your triggers, express them to others so your boundaries are honored.
<Haven't watched any movie involving violence after Avatar, which is great but did turn me blue for couple of weeks.>
7. Avoid people who are toxic. Toxic individuals are like emotional vampires, who “suck the life out of you,” according to Serani. They may be envious, judgmental and competitive. If you can’t stop seeing these people in general, limit your exposure and try having healthier individuals around when you’re hanging out with the toxic ones.
<Huge disappointment when friends did things that reflecting problems about their personalities. It's like telling myself he/she turned out not one of my kind. As if you were in a war (sensitive considerate people against a world of chaos?) and lost one of your brothers.>
8. Stay connected with others. Social isolation, Serani writes, is your worst enemy. She schedules plans with friends, tries to go places she truly enjoys and has resources on hand when she’s somewhere potentially uncomfortable, such as books and crossword puzzles.
If you’re having a difficult time connecting with others, volunteer, join a support group or find like-minded people online on blogs and social media sites, she suggests. You also can ask loved ones to encourage you to socialize when you need it.
<This works for me too. Happy or sad, staying connected making me feel being alive.>
How do you feel about these?
Currently in the mid of relocation and hence a lot of things and emotions to digest.
Was reading an article about how to take care of oneself when depressed. Several bullet points there made me think maybe they helps an HSP's daily life easier too? Would like to hear your comments.
The orginal title is “9 Ways to Take Care of Yourself When You Have Depression”, by Margarita Tartakovsky. Here are the parts consider related:
6. Know your triggers. In order to prevent relapse, it’s important to know what pushes your buttons and worsens your functioning. For instance, Serani is selective with the people she lets into her life, makes sure to keep a balanced calendar, doesn’t watch violent or abuse-laden films (the movie “Sophie’s Choice” sidelined her for weeks) and has a tough time tolerating loud or excessively stimulating environments.
Once you pinpoint your triggers, express them to others so your boundaries are honored.
<Haven't watched any movie involving violence after Avatar, which is great but did turn me blue for couple of weeks.>
7. Avoid people who are toxic. Toxic individuals are like emotional vampires, who “suck the life out of you,” according to Serani. They may be envious, judgmental and competitive. If you can’t stop seeing these people in general, limit your exposure and try having healthier individuals around when you’re hanging out with the toxic ones.
<Huge disappointment when friends did things that reflecting problems about their personalities. It's like telling myself he/she turned out not one of my kind. As if you were in a war (sensitive considerate people against a world of chaos?) and lost one of your brothers.>
8. Stay connected with others. Social isolation, Serani writes, is your worst enemy. She schedules plans with friends, tries to go places she truly enjoys and has resources on hand when she’s somewhere potentially uncomfortable, such as books and crossword puzzles.
If you’re having a difficult time connecting with others, volunteer, join a support group or find like-minded people online on blogs and social media sites, she suggests. You also can ask loved ones to encourage you to socialize when you need it.
<This works for me too. Happy or sad, staying connected making me feel being alive.>
How do you feel about these?
It has been very difficult for me to stay away from toxic people. Even my fiance can be toxic. I wish I were better at this.
Makes sense to me. I think the suggestions in this book would be good for anyone but especially for people who suffer with depression or anxiety or people who are highly sensitive.
I have problems still with my/others boundaries, and are they unreasonable, or demanding? If we can't make people honor them do we avoid them as being toxic? What if they are family, friends?
Stay connected-that can be difficult when the social isolation is because of avoidance tendencies and insecurities, wanting to be isolated sometimes, and difficulty expressing myself verbally, small talk and conversation, I like conversation with known people or can handle it at my work, it's a job then, to be done. The thought of socializing makes me nervous.
It dos help to come online, then I can not worry about being quick enough with the conversation-on something to say, in person, I freeze or can block, what do I say? it's interesting to me how I can feel at ease sometimes, with known people that is easy to figure out, with my job or shopping, doing something with a purpose-I do ok with conversation, to socialize, is to search my racing thoughts for something to say or it's like my mind is blank!
thnx Fito
All great suggestions- putting into practice is of another realm. I have to say I've worked hard at the Avoiding Toxic People; I seem to be a magnet to kooks. Now I can see them a mile away and have better judgement- but it wasn't always this way. Due to an absent father and abusive family upbringing I didn't know what a healthy person was. I really think this has an influence on the people you attract no matter your age, until you figure out what you like and don't like and stick to changing the behavioral patterns.
Its true about volunteering- I tried it and have to say I liked it-made me feel good, needed, and useful. I met a lot of people and was able to get out of my shy mode and be more talkative.
Thanks for the great topic!
I find I censor my movie and tv watching. I can get overwhelmed with certain viewing so I avoid.
Avoiding toxic people I think really can be good advice for anyone HSP or not. If you want to have a healthier low stress life.
The toxic people in my life have been my family, parents. keeping distance and minimizing contact is best for me.
Any other toxic people I have met along the way in life, I've quickly departed from and moved on before developing any kind of tie with them.
Staying connected to people is not so easy for me. Similar to RaggedyAndee, I have moved around a lot and then dealing with disability and not working any more my friend list is almost non existent. I have a long distant friend and I have a couple of friends I rarely see and I have no close friends.
I think though a lot of the time I don't really want to be around people that much but I could do with a friend or two. They aren't easy to find though.
I also deconverted and left religious beliefs a few years back. That cut out a lot of social life. It seems once you "leave the fold" they can't be with us heathens anymore. Lol.
So most of my human interaction is online through social networks like DS.
Volunteering would be ok if I could find something that suited my needs.
I actually looked into it last year at a senior center place. It was to answer phone and greet and help at the front desk which I could do as it is a sit down job mostly but the place was wanting a full morning or afternoon or a full day, Not a couple of hours which is about all I can offer because I get fatigued easily. Oh well.
Boundaries ... as far as I have learned and in practice are either understood and honored or not... if not, time to go.
Awareness of Boundaries is just about the number one way I detect toxic people yet not entirely. There are people that will seemingly abide a boundary and then later decidedly think it is their right to breach the contract in order to rearrange the power balance as in control. This kind of behavior tells me that the person requires reminding or constant review. In this case the relationship can not grow or go anywhere cuz the boundary process is stuck or blocked. A major part of discerning toxic people (for me) is the other persons ability to process boundaries.
As far as number 7 goes my thing is to take the buzz out of triggers; dissolving triggers. Triggers to me are a point of threat and if I can find out how I interpreting some thing as a threat to my well being or sense of self or or or you name it ... I ask myself what is the threat and how was it built and proceed to reorganize. BUT I will avoid triggers while I reorganize and take them on as I need to in order to find out how far I have come in dissolving the threat.
Jupiterjazz, you were right. To be frank, it even took me quite some lessons to admit some people are just toxic. With narcissism spreading all over (tons of results if we google "narcissism epidemic"), it can be frustrating from time to time.
I happened to be dealing with some narcissistic people recently and this is one of the links found most useful, esp the "guard your heart" part. Maybe it's because HSPs' heart are more delicately organized and subject to sabotages.
http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder
Janivier, it's so true. Bursted into tears while reading some of the self-help books. Don't know why our lives were set to be so damn complex. Some research study says there's one gene responsible for that. Just... it's a fast paced world out there. Not easy to creat a cozy micro enviorment for HSPs. Sometimes it feels like a high maintainence , fully scheduled equipment , sesitive to tiny concussions -- born to be located near a subway station.
Thanks, Nabby1. Sorry for not realizing how huge this topic is. Spent couple of weeks to get some clue. Guess toxic people might be good at knowing whom to hunt? Such as people who do extra work to be recognized/approved. Being an HSP enables us to read clues, including hints from manipulators faster than others. We are at higher chances to become a people pleaser, even pleaser to toxic people as normal ones less likely controlling.
One of my parents has the Narcissitic Personality Disorder... therefore endless arguments and manipulations ever since I was a kid. It cost me dozens of counseling sessions, plenty of self help books, hundreds hours' of TV episodes, years' living with other families overseas, quite some bumps learning how to socialize properly and countless web pages to understand what a normal family life should be. Not sure if it helps, "parenthood" and "modern family" are quite good. Two characters, Monica and Chandler from "friends" are enlightening as well.
Naturegirl65, happy am not alone regarding the censorship... a bit sad about the limited cinema experience. More pratices in avoiding toxic people needed for me too. I sometimes tend to repel those people by acting weird -- yes, they no longer interested in me but my reputaion probably gone with them as well.
Quite sad seeing friend become most distant as I relocate. Still in the mid of learning to accept the fact and getting better at making new friends (even acquintances). Volunteering can be tricky... Yes, most of organizations ask for certain period of commitment. Had to quit one servicing childen because of that. Then learnt to start small with abandoned animals and occasional fund raising events. Maybe it's because toxic people are not usually passionate about volunteering that I enjoy it. No worries. If someting doesn't fit in, the timing probably isn't right yet.
Yup Pageo, that sentence sounds general. Maybe lots of communication and negotiation skills are needed. Had this impression as am learning to live with a narcissitic person, and one of my guides is this article: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/27/how-to-live-with-a-narcissist/
During the time I was knocked down by my trigger. I read the replies during the down time and they got me thinking HSPs probably do more time and care to recover compared with common people.
Imagine ourselves as advanced photography devices, DSLR for example. They respond to lightings really fast and give shots of high quality whilist demand good maintence and cost more to repaire if damaged.
Hence made a mental health first aid kit for healing faster. Not sure how to upload pictures and it's only a draft so I've list the content and links below for your comments.
>MY FIRST AID TOOLKIT BOX<
1) fragrance oils and incense sticks.
2) a bar of dark chocholate and a box of my favorite snaks.
3) a cup to make herbal tea.
4) several books to pick.
5) a tube of hand cream that reminds me of my loved ones.
6) "web page extract" sheets.
(source --
http://www.nationalstressclinic.com/illness-stress-eight-questions-doctor-ask-physical-problems-mental-causes/
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_some_questions_a_psychologist_might_ask?#slide2
http://www.drsapadin.com/articles/live-with-narcissist.php
http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder)
7) a piece of paper written with the following words and sentences.
My First Aid Toolkit for Mental Health
surroundings --
- (scented) candle for a nice lighting
- essential oil for frangrance
- soothing (and cheerful) music
- herbal tea
- snacks and comfort food
activities for distraction --
- exercising: outdoor walk, indoor taichi, etc
- take a nap
- cooking
- organizing the apartment; housework
- read a good book from my "to read list" for distraction
time to self reflect --
- review those web page extract in this First Aid Toolkit and guide myself through those questions for self reflection
- prioritizing by making a list (of things pending)
-*self reflection questions... usu not necessary after the previous step
- meditation, if necessary
- imagine what my loved ones would have said to/guided/encouraged me.
- imagine what a 10 years' younger me would have said (I probably had more courage back then)
--end--
thank you for your time reading this... hope it leads to sth that helps...
Drafting a summary of routine practices for daily maintenance as well. The book you mentioned in another thread sure helps.