I have never had many friends, and at many times I haven't had any friends. As a kid and through college, I had one or two. But now I feel like I don’t have any – and it creates a deep aching loneliness in me. I have lived a solitary existence for a long time. I've had girl friends and now that I'm married, well, they can't be friends anymore. Of course my wife is my friend, but then she has to be - she's stuck with me. There have been guys that I've been friends with. I've always been the one who tries to keep in touch - with no success. There a couple of guys I know, but we never get together. If I had a real emergency I could probably call one of them for help, but we really don’t share anything in common.

I think that’s the problem: I’m so strange that I feel like there isn’t anyone who could possibly have anything in common with me. Sometimes, if I’m called strange, I feel that it is in a way a compliment – not that I try to be strange.

Socially, I feel very awkward. It wasn’t always that way. In high school I felt extremely awkward. Those were very painful years. Then I got a boost when I figured out how to “pick up” girls. I feel like I did so with good intentions, always trying to give more than I got. Of course that kind of boost is out of the question now.

I’m very deep and I’m thinking all of the time. When I try to say something to be sociable, people look at me and think: “What planet did he come from?” I simply can’t handle small talk, and most people don’t have enough depth to engage me.

I’m sure someone is probably going to suggest something like: “To make or find a friend you have to be a friend.” But I also have to be true to my self, which seems to alienate most people.

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else had a similar problem or any suggestions.