Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
Today I was driving home after I got acupuncture, which is a relaxing experience. I was looking for parking in my overcrowded neighborhood when, all of a sudden, someone lays on their horn, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin. Apparently, I was taking too long looking at a sign to determine whether or not I could park there. Well, the way that I am, unfortunately I react instantly. My first instinct was to shoot the bird at them, but I was able to stop myself. My hand was already out the window and I didn't know what to do with it, so I flapped it and waved it frantically. People were staring at me. I shouted ****! out the window, but I did not attach "you" to that four letter word--which I am proud of. After this, I felt like people were staring at me--pedestrians who wanted to cross the street. Rather than keeping my composure, I gave a guy a nasty look. Then, I turned down onto a side street, continuing to look for parking and found a spot, but by that point, someone was behind me. I wanted her to back up, but by this point, a line had formed and people starting to honk. I was so angry that I got out of my car and shouted that I was trying to park. Someone got out and told me it was too late. I got back in my car and continued to look. I felt so bad about myself after this. It's like a chain reaction. Why do I have to get so easily affected by one mean person behind me and then take that poison out on someone else? I felt guilty about my behavior.
I think maybe this defensive road rage comes from being bullied when younger and now automatically having a defensive response for whenever someone picks on me. At one point in my early twenties, I told myself I would never let someone take advantage of me or hurt me like that again and I told myself that i needed to learn how to better stand up for myself. But I don't want it to come out this way. Being HS, I think I will always jump out of my skin any time someone peels on their horn behind me, but I would like to better control my reaction from now on.
I think maybe this defensive road rage comes from being bullied when younger and now automatically having a defensive response for whenever someone picks on me. At one point in my early twenties, I told myself I would never let someone take advantage of me or hurt me like that again and I told myself that i needed to learn how to better stand up for myself. But I don't want it to come out this way. Being HS, I think I will always jump out of my skin any time someone peels on their horn behind me, but I would like to better control my reaction from now on.
The second half is what you are asking about which is about how to handle that shock and not get further triggered in that it opens another story up and that unfolds with in the context of ALARM survival. I get it. This to is entirely human. Human brains do this. The sight of red material can back log an experience with a mean woman down the street how wore a red apron as she shook her rolling pin at the kids playing in her yard. YIKES!
the reset button on this can change. It is going to require practice and a design to implement the change in structure (path). Take note of my example because I mentioned 'kids" which means I refer to a time when I felt helpless and bullied.
so if you have an idea of how you would like to see it all happen ... write it out and include all the variable such as ... when the trigger arises, what is it that i will do?
Another component is not getting out the hammer in other words ... it is all practice and not something to condemn self over if and when emotions run amuck. There is also the cultural lag in that humans fear emotion and showing emotion is revealing vulnerability and alternately shame. So if you are feeling like you need to self protect (safety) which in this case means getting out of the car, emoting ... then at the same time your way of protecting is NOT ACCEPTABLE you go cognitive dissonance ... 2 two apposing beliefs against one another. Just saying and perhaps this does not apply.
As I write this to you jupiterjazz, I myself had an experience three weeks ago that was entirely emotionally charged , sudden and extreme. I debate to the very day if it was OK that I take that out loud path ... that even if I had remained calm, would that really have been that important? Then I know it is OK human to be mad and express anger with out shaming or might I have gotten what I really wanted if I did blow up? LIkely not but my thinking trick meinto thinking that there was a choice and that I had the power to make that choice but gave it up. I did not have a choice and I am not always able to influence . I may have power but it is not ultimate power. In any case , I would have preferred not to have exposed that emotion but the fact that I did an lived passed it including self understanding and acceptance ... was worth it. . Ultimately the anger did serve although although the intensity was not a preference. OK so I get messy. got it! This is part of the point as well. Self acceptance and being OK with expressing anger. That part is huge and because my therapist was helped me process anger to be able to go there ... be with that I don't actually care what the rest of the world has to say about my process I am that more able to conduct that energy so that it does not harm me nor others.
Sounds like in your upset did not hurt any one.. Maybe people got pissed because they did not get immediate drive through but what the hell ever. HOW MANY BILLIONS OF CAR PEOPLE ARE THERE PLANET EARTH???
You are aware enough to spot a previous experience and how that came up in terms of self protection ... and how the HORN experience triggered SELF PROTECTION. I GET IT. Just for the record I found DS because I needed a support group for PTSD / trauma. so this little speech here is created out of an understanding of reacting through trauma.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE and it is not necessarily about being HSP either as much as it is really how human brain operate. One sliver of information provokes / opens another irrelevant file such as .. mean old rolling pin red apron lady up the street etc.
One of my ways of dealing is to have ready and available plan. So if my heart is speeding ... that is what I deal with. I have to be in the car ... in my body slowing down my heart rate. Helps to slug sH2O as well. This would be the 1st thing I address = BREATH HEART BEAT when the flight or fight comes up and seemingly involuntary behaviors go into action. .
I am also expecting that when some kind of car ordeal comes up that my brain is likely to register threat. It got to the point where I can feel the threat happening . I can feel the rage o meter on high along with heart beat and be saying the whole time "OK there it is ... it is strong, I give it a 10+, I am still about it because It will pass" But I have had to practice understanding that it will pass and that I can serve myself with in conditions in general (safety). And again this involves self acceptance on a personal level as well as a universal level of being human. Human brains are NOT MY DESIGN although I am responsible to invest time and interest work at the reset button.
I flip the threatening car person off easily guilt free because for me that action is letting steam off. I have not hurt any one and it was during threat. I expect others to act the same way and they do. NOW I do not get out the bat and start swinging ... that is a different matter altogether. So consider the reality of the conditions + any number of variations.
Finally there is only understanding how not to turn an emotion into a behavior that does not serve. There is a difference. being able to tolerate emotions and contain until there is a safe place to express and process. but there is no roof on emotion.
You are hyper emotive in an extrovert way which means you are expressing your emotivity and not keeping it inside you.
My motive is let it slide.
But you have to learn to do that.
Maybe you can find advices from hyper emotive people.
I really like this. This is a good idea and I want to try it.